Can a relationship survive infidelity?
Do relationships survive infidelity? According to an article on Elite Daily, research indicates that 54% of relationships end after finding out that their partner has cheated, while 30% try to work on the relationship but later break up and only 16% are still together.
Cheating is the leading cause of breakups in relationships and divorce in marriages. The problem with cheating is that it cannot be prevented and neither does it have a permanent solution.
Often you do not know if your partner is cheating and by the time you find out, the worst has already happened. The following could have already happened:
- You could either have contracted an STI through your cheating partner, or
- Your man could have impregnated other women or is already raising kids with them; or
- Your woman is pregnant for another man or you only find out years later that you are not the biological father.
Read more on signs that your partner is cheating
After finding out that your partner is cheating, people normally advise you to do the following:
- Leave the relationship, because once a cheater always a cheater; or
- Don’t give up, fight for your relationship or marriage through prayer; or
- Go for counseling
Why is cheating a deal-breaker?
Trust is a key ingredient for any successful relationship. Even if the relationship can seem perfect, once you discover that your partner is cheating or has cheated, it erases all the good in the relationship because it seems like the entire relationship was based on deception.
Cheating is similar to getting a job based on fake qualifications. No matter how good you can be at your job, your employer will not be happy that the employment was based on a lie.
Why did marriages last in the past?
Back in the day, marriages used to last and not because there was no cheating, but women were told that you do not leave a man for cheating. This made people stay in relationships even though they were being taken for granted.
Unfortunately even today, men are still convinced that a woman should not leave her marriage just because her man cheated, because it is difficult to find a man who doesn’t cheat.
Read more on do all men cheat?
Fortunately, times have changed, women have their own voice and can choose if they want to fight for the relationship or if it is better to just move on.
Myth: Men don’t forgive if a woman cheats
Whether you are a man or woman, being cheated on is equally painful. People say it is much easier for women to forgive infidelity than it is for men, which is not entirely true.
Many women will try to fight for the relationship to work, but there are also plenty of men who stay with a woman even after she has cheated. The issue is that men are not expressive like women, so they might keep this information from their friends and family.
Why do other people choose to stay after discovering their partner cheated?
- Because they love their partner
- They still hope that the relationship can be saved, if the root cause is dealt with maybe things will be better.
- If they leave they stand to lose
- They don’t want to disturb the family set-up
- To maintain their reputation in society
- Other partners value the concept of marriage
- They are scared to start afresh
- They believe cheating happens everywhere
Why do people choose to leave after their partner has cheated?
- They believe that if you are capable of doing it once you can do it again
- You did not respect them, why should they stay
- To avoid unnecessary complications especially if there are kids outside the marital home
- It is not easy for them to forgive
- The relationship has become toxic.
- Trust is broken, and cannot be in a relationship where there is no trust
5 Things to consider when deciding to stay or go
1. Why did your partner cheat?
It is important to establish the real reasons why your partner cheated. Was it due to feeling neglected, or you were sexually unavailable or they just love cheating?
If the cheating was due to what is within your control, then you can work on it, but if it is beyond your control, then you need to get wise counsel because it can still happen again.
2. Are you ready to deal with the baggage?
What if your woman is pregnant for another man?
Before making a decision, you will have to consider the following
- Would you want her to keep the child or to abort or for the child to stay with the baby daddy?
- Once the child is born, will you be able to accept him or her as your own or the child will always be a reminder of your woman’s actions?
- If you already have your own kids will you treat all kids equally, and will the kids know the real dynamics that one of them is not yours?
- What happens if the father of the child wants to be involved in the child’s life, will you accept it?
- Do you trust that she will not sleep with the baby daddy again?
If you feel that you are man enough to forgive your wife, then you should. Don’t torture your woman and the child after deciding that you want to give the relationship another chance.
What if your man has impregnated another woman
If your man impregnates another woman or you find out that he is already raising kids with another woman you should consider the following:
- Will you cope with the thought that he has other kids outside?
- What happens when the child wants to visit his father?
- How do you know if he is no longer sleeping with the baby mama?
- Will you allow him to be fully involved in the child’s life?
- Can you be able to move past it without always punishing him for it?
3. Assess your tolerance levels
The decision to stay or leave depends on your tolerance levels. Other people have high tolerance levels while others have low tolerance levels. If your tolerance levels are low, cheating means the end of a relationship. While those with high tolerance levels can still give the relationship many chances; but once the limit is reached, they exit the relationship.
4. Evaluate all your options before taking any drastic decision
Don’t take any drastic decisions, process the news, seek wise counsel, and only take calculated decisions.
It is important to know that anyone can be a victim of cheating. Being cheated on does not mean that you are a bad partner or that you are not doing a good job at satisfying your partner.
If you decide to terminate the relationship or marriage, don’t feel guilty, even the bible permits divorce if the spouse has cheated.
And if you decide to continue with the relationship, it does not mean that you are stupid and neither does not mean that you condone your partner’s cheating.
Read more on how to heal after being cheated on
5. Choose a decision that will make you happy in the long-run
If you choose to end the relationship, you might feel like you are making the wrong decision, but after a year or two you will realize that you made the right decision
And if you choose to stay, the first months might be the worst as you work on rebuilding the trust, but after a year, the relationship has the potential to be better than how it was before.
