How to deal with a cheating husband who has betrayed your trust in the worst possible way? Will you ever move on from this ordeal?

A stranger lady who was drunk came to our table when I was having dinner with a friend in a restaurant. She told us that her husband cheated with a lady at their complex and he even has a three-year-old child with the woman he cheated with. 

She narrated the whole story to us and even said that she forgave him and she has told him that should he cheat again, she would kill him. I think she is still hurting, although she has decided to give her marriage another chance.

Table of Contents

• What you should not do to a cheating husband
• How to deal with a cheating husband
• What are the behaviours of a cheating husband
• FAQ

Being cheated on by your husband is a very painful and unforgettable experience. You have every right to be angry, you have the right to cry, to shout at him, and even ask him any question you like.

Being cheated on can even ignite the monster in you and you might find yourself doing the unthinkable, only to regret later it later. 

According to Good Therapy, the psychological effects of being cheated on can be depression, anxiety, low self-esteem, rage, poor performance at work, self-blame, and shame.

If you are a victim of cheating, know that that you have come to the right place. If you follow the guidelines in this article, your life will bounce back and life will even better for you.

Right now it might seem like your world has been turned upside down, but you will get through this because you are stronger than this situation. 

Many couples have experienced cheating in their marriages and some marriages have come out stronger while for others, the individuals have become stronger. 

At the moment, these might be questions going through your head:

How could he do this to me?

Don’t I satisfy him?

After all the sacrifices I have made for him, how could he do this to me?

So he has been lying to me all along?

So I’ve been made a fool?

Who do I talk to about this?

Will I ever get through this?

Did he use protection?

Should I leave him or give my marriage another chance?

Read more: How to heal after being cheated on

Don’t blame yourself when your husband cheats because there is no way you could have prevented it. Men cheat for many other reasons and not because something is lacking in the relationship.

What you should not do to a cheating husband

After finding out that your husband has been cheating on you, you will definitely not be normal. You will experience a range of emotions you have never experienced before. The monster in you will be unleashed, even if have been a cool and calm person your whole life. 

But there are certain things that you should not do to your husband no matter how angry you are:

1. Don’t cause bodily harm to him

You may feel like causing him physical pain, like beating him up, stabbing him or so, but do not do it. Resist the urge to hurt him because the last thing you want is to end up in prison or your kids growing up without their parents. 

Always remember that many other women have experienced cheating in their marriages, yet they have still managed to keep their cool.

Also, even if you can punish him, if he still wants to cheat, nothing will stop him.

2. Refrain from publicising what he did

You may be tempted to post images of him and the other woman on social media, but it is not advisable to do so. Imagine the embarrassment if you later decide to fix the marriage.

You might also think that you are over him and he should be exposed for who he really is. But you want to be careful because if he is a media personality, a bad reputation can also affect his earning capability. You still want your family to be financially secure although you hate what he did to you. 

Also know that people don’t really care about your affairs, they are only just after a good scoop. And your problems make them feel better about themselves.

3. Don’t make threats

Do not make threats if you choose to give the marriage another chance. Do not tell him that you will destroy him if he ever cheats again, or that you will divorce him or remove his manhood. Just don’t! 

Even if you can threaten him, if he still wants to cheat, there is nothing that can stop him.

4. Don’t waste your tears on him

If you feel like crying, cry, but note that men are not moved by a woman’s tears. In fact, it boosts their ego when you cry for them. 

If you can cry alone or cry to God, do so. But a man will not change his ways just because he saw water coming from your eyes.

How to deal with a cheating husband

Here are the immediate things you should be doing after finding out your husband has cheated:

1. Don’t do anything you might regret

Finding out that the person you love has cheated is the worst kind of feeling, but you need to process your feelings without doing something that you might regret. 

2. Allow yourself to feel the emotions

Allow yourself to feel the emotions. It will feel like your heart has been stabbed, and it is normal to feel this way. You should tell your husband how his actions make you feel.

Cry if you have to, if you want to journal your feelings do so. If you feel like you have to speak to someone you should go ahead. 

3. Ask him questions

After finding out he has cheated, you will have so many unanswered questions. Here are some of the questions you can ask a cheating husband.

Questions to ask your unfaithful spouse:

1. Why did you do it?
2. Do you still love me?
3. Did you use protection?
4. Do you have kids with the women you slept with?
5. How long were you together?
6. Do you love her?
7. What did she offer you which I could not give to you?
8. Do you have other affairs?
9. Is what we share based on a lie?
10. What did you say about us to the other women?

His responses will help you assess if he regrets cheating and is serious about changing his ways.

4. Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases

You might want to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases so that you can protect yourself and increase your chances of living a longer life. 

5. Don’t fight with his mistress

Don’t waste your time fighting with his mistress, the person that you should be dealing with is your husband. Chances are that she was also lied to by him, so you are both in the same boat.

If the person he cheated with is someone close to you like your sister or friend, then it is an exception to this rule because they already knew that he is your husband.

6. Do not make a rash decision

I have seen many women divorcing untimely only to suffer even worse after the divorce or to be a side chick to a married man.

If you want to leave him, leave him at a time that is convenient for you and not when you are still emotional. Make sure that you have a foolproof exit plan when you decide to leave. You might have to stay much longer so that you can save up money to survive when you are single.

Read more: Should you give your relationship another chance after he has cheated

7. Tell his family

You might want to talk to his family so that they can discipline their own child. So that even if he goes and tarnishes your name to them, they know that he is not a saint either.

8. Talk to people you trust

You might want to talk to people that you trust. It can be your support circle, or even some of your family members who are mature, or even a colleague you trust, or even just a stranger. When you talk to someone, it helps you share some of the load.

9.     Don’t be intimate if you are not ready

If you are not ready to be intimate with him, it is okay. You also just want to be mindful because even if you can say that you want to punish him by denying him bedroom benefits, he will still get it elsewhere. He was already getting it even though you were available for him.

10. Go for counselling

It will benefit you and your marriage to go for counseling. You can use a professional marriage counselor or you can just speak to your pastors. You can also suggest to your husband to attend the sessions with you. 

11. Work on yourself

This is the most important part to your recovery. Know that you have no control over your husband’s decisions but you have full control over your decisions. You can’t change him, but you can change yourself which is what you can control.

If you have partially contributed to him cheating, you will need to make the necessary changes. If he cheated because he felt disrespected, or you were denying him intimacy, or you were hardly ever home because of work, then you will need to find a way to respond to his cry.

As painful as it is, being willing to be open-minded and work together towards addressing the shortcomings can save the marriage and even make it better and stronger than before.

If the cause of his cheating has nothing to do with you, ask yourself these questions:

1. Was he meeting 80% of your needs in the marriage

• Before you found out that your husband is cheating, how was your marriage? 
• Without the knowledge of his cheating, would you rate him as a good or bad husband? 
• If you never found our he is cheating, would you say you were in a happy marriage?

People often talk of the 80/20 rule. This rule means you should be with someone who has 80% of the qualities you need because it is rare to find someone who is an entire package.

I do not promote that you should settle for a cheating husband, but also do not easily give up on a relationship that you believed was good without giving it a fair chance. 

2. What sacrifices have you made for the marriage?

• Did you have to stop studying, decline a job offer or stopped doing what you love because you had to take care of the kids or support your husband’s dreams? 
• Did you neglect your image because you were too busy keeping the ship afloat? 
• Did you neglect your friends and family because you were trying to be a loyal wife?

Now use this as your chance to go back to the drawing board and find yourself again. Start to do the things that you love so that you will not have any regrets. 

Marriage cannot be your only source of happiness, you should view having a great marriage as a bonus.

After your husband’s infidelity, you have so much bargaining power, use it to your advantage because he will be willing to do what you ask of him so that you won’t leave him.

If you were forced to be at home because you do not helper, now may be the time to get a helper so you can have free time to do what you want to do.

You should also consider doing these activities when dealing with a cheating husband:

• Study the course of your choice
• Take up the job you love
• Go to gym
• Find a hobby
• Look beautiful and go out often 

How can I hurt my cheating husband

1. Look sexy: do your hair, put on make-up, do your nails, smell nice, dress nicely, and shave your underarms and down there and tell him you going out with a friend.
2. Do as you please
3. Ignore some of his calls
4. You can also put a password on your phone and refuse to disclose it. 
5. Dress beautifully and do your makeup even when going to work
6. Still be kind and submissive to him

If he sees that you seem happy with or without him, it will hurt him. And if you still treat him with respect, he will feel ashamed.  

Some people say if a man cheats you should cheat back, but I do not recommend you do that. Don’t change your values or morals because of him. If you sleep with someone just because you want to spite your husband, it can do more harm than good. 

12. Forgive and try to forget

If you are making a conscious decision to give the marriage another chance, you will have to forgive. Forgiving means that you will try not to bring up the issue of his cheating. It means that you will not always be reminding him about it. 

13. Leave the rest to God

Ask God for strength and for him to heal your marriage, because only He can transform things that are not within your control.

What are the behaviours of a cheating husband

1. Change in appearance

He may change his dress code, or how often he grooms or his cologne which may be a sign that he is trying to impress another woman.

2. Change in sexual drive

He may no longer want to be intimate with you, or he may introduce new styles in bed.

3. He may be more critical of you

A man who is cheating may try to accuse you of cheating.

4. Change in routine

A man who is cheating will change his routine. He might now do more overtime at work, or he leaves home earlier in the morning to go to the gym, while before he did not care about gym. Or he might say that he was meeting up with friends.

5. He does not give you access to his phone

When he is cheating, he will put a password on his phone and he will get angry if you ask for his phone.

6. He is unavailable during certain times

If he does not answer pick up your calls during certain times while before he used to answer your calls timely, it is a common behaviour of a cheating husband

7. He does not pick up certain calls when with you

Ignoring certain incoming calls or texts when with you is a common behaviour of a cheating husband.

Read more: 18 Signs your partner is cheating to watch out for

FAQ

How do you deal with a cheating husband that you love

The best way to deal with a cheating husband that you love is by choosing to be selfish. Your husband has already shown you his selfish side so you can also be selfish and do the things that you love. 

If there were things that he had prohibited you from doing in the marriage, now is your time to do them. You can dress however and be whoever you want to be without feeling guilty.

How to ignore a cheating husband

The best way to ignore a cheating husband is by choosing to live your life to the full. His opinion of what you should do or not do with your life should no longer matter. Pursue all your dreams and goals, pursue a hobby and spend some of your time with friends and family or be an active member of an organisation.

Read more: How to ignore someone you love