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Signs a married man is using you

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When a married man says i love you

Has a married man told you that he loves you or are you dating a married man, and you find it difficult to end the relationship? Morally you know it is wrong, but you have fallen in love and he claims to love you more than any other woman. How do you spot the signs that he really loves you and he is not just using you?

A married man RARELY leaves his wife, but women always think he is genuinely in love and what they share is special which makes their relationship an exception to the rule.

According to Dr Kamal Khurana, a marriage and relationship counselor explains, “Women who fall for married men are usually seeking attention and emotional support. Since married men seem to be more experienced and mature, they get attracted towards them.”

Read: How to spot the tricks of a married man

Why a married man never leaves his wife

Marriage brings stability in a man’s life, and a married man cannot afford to lose that. A married man is attractive because of the positive effects of marriage. Men hate going through a divorce because it would mean starting over, losing access to kids, losing their assets and respect in society. They rather opt to stay married but still date other women. And in most cases, divorces are initiated by women and not men.

Read more: Benefits of marriage for a woman

Why women prefer married men?

There are also women who date married men for companionship and money, so in their eyes, they don’t think they are being used by a married man. A woman posted the below question in one of the forums

 “I was married for 7 years but I am now divorced. I am currently dating a married man, we have been together for two years and we have a son. He is loving and he pays my rent and also pays for my older son’s school fees.  When I was pregnant with his child, I discovered that I am HIV positive and when I confronted him about it he admitted to being HIV positive and his wife doesn’t know about it. My question is should I tell his wife to go and get tested or should I just leave her to die?”

Such a woman thinks that a married man is not using her because she is benefitting from him sexually and financially. But according to me, she has already lost because this man has knowingly infected her, so she has given her life to a cheat and a liar. She has also lost her freedom because if she can also cheat on him or tell his wife, she will lose the relationship and financial benefits.

Signs a married man is using you

1. He wants to be in an exclusive relationship with you

One of the signs that a married man is using you is that he wants you all for himself, yet he does not want to leave his wife. He can cheat with you, but he does not want you to cheat on him.

2. He does not allow you to call him during certain times

A married man expects you to be understanding and not call him when he is with his wife, because certain times are reserved for family.

3. You can’t see him at any time

If you are not able to have access to your man at any time that you feel like it, it is a sign that he is using you. Because when he wants sex from you, he always finds you.

4. He uses you as a dumping site

A married will be telling you about his kids as if you are their stepmom but he never gives you the opportunity to formally meet them and build a relationship with them. He dumps his stress on you, but he will not upgrade you to wife status.

5. You have to be quiet on the phone when his wife calls

Another sign that a married man is using you is that his wife can never know that you exist. He can pick up his wife’s call in your presence yet he cannot pick up your calls in his wife’s presence.

6. You can’t be together in public

If you can’t freely walk around in public with him, or attend all your events with him, it is a sign that a married man is using you. You can’t even post pictures of your baecation like normal couples do.

7. He wants an abortion

If you happen to fall pregnant, he might suggest that you do an abortion.

Read more: Signs a married man wants to sleep with you

Disadvantages of dating a married man

1. You are not in a normal relationship

On the times and days that you need him the most, he is not available. He is not available at night when you need to cuddle, or on certain holidays because he has to spend those days with his family. You can’t go out with him when you feel like it, or even go to your friend’s barbecue with him. You are in a relationship yet you still feel single.

2. You are forced to live a lie

Dating a married man will force you to lie to your family and friends because you know that it is morally wrong and they will talk you out of it. You even end up distancing yourself from them so that they do not make you feel guilty about it.

3. You are constantly under pressure to impress him

Because you already know that you are indirectly competing with another woman for his time, you are under pressure to impress him. You put his happiness above your own happiness and needs. You aim to excel in all that you do, be it cooking for him, ensuring he is sexually satisfied, and ensuring that your image is always on point.

4. You can’t accuse him of cheating

The man can also be dating other ladies besides you and you can’t really bring it up because he will use the wife as an excuse. If he can cheat with you, there is a high chance that he will cheat on you and read these signs a married man is in love with another woman.

Dangers of dating a married man

Dangers of dating a married man

1. You will realise you have wasted your time

A married man will never leave his wife. It is either he will start ignoring you or you will eventually realize that there is no future between the two of you. And the years that you have wasted pursuing a married man cannot be regained. You have closed your chances of being in a relationship with someone who really loves you.

2. If you have his child, that child will not be his priority.

Men are not really good at taking care of kids, they only prioritize the children that they stay with on a full-time basis. If you bring an innocent soul into the world through a married man, the child will grow up resenting the father because he will not be there for him or her.

3. You are putting your health in danger

Knowingly sleeping with someone who is cheating is dangerous because what if his wife is also playful like him? Who knows who is contracting which STIs which will eventually be dumped onto you?

How to stop dating a married man

It is difficult to end a relationship with a married man because he will beg you not to leave him. However only a woman has the power to end the relationship.

It is important to know that men are very selfish beings, they only look out for themselves. They don’t really consider what is best for you, but rather what is best for them. They want to gain from you and they don’t want you to leave and experience real love from someone else.

So if a man cries for you not to leave, know that he is crying because he will lose and you will gain and he does not want that.

You should evaluate if being in a relationship with a married man is worth it in the long run.

  • Will there ever be a time where you are completely happy and free from the insecurities of thinking if he is also cheating on you?
  • Being loved is a blessing, but being in love with someone who does not love you can be a curse. Being in love does not mean that you are in a happy relationship, so does loving a married man really bring you happiness?
  • Are you happy being his second or third best? When he is with you he will make you feel like you are his only love but in reality, you will never be his number one. Does the image of your future impress you?
  • Would you advise your daughter to do the same if she fell for a married man?
  • Do you have any security if the relationship were to be terminated by either breakup or death?
  • Read these tips on how to move on from someone that you still love.


How do you know if a married man is using you?

Married men normally use women for sexual gain or financial gain or even both. And even though he already has a wife, he will still want you to himself, he won’t want you to date other people or get married. 

The relationship also seems to be on his terms. When you need him, and he is unavailable you must be understanding. When he can’t take your calls or respond to your texts or have many lonely nights, you have to accept it. But it is an issue when you are not available when he wants you.

He also does not want to make the relationship public and introduce you to people who are key in his life. 

How do you know if a married man is unhappy in his marriage?

Most married men will act as if they are unhappy in their marriage, but do not believe them, just watch out for these signs:

  1. He avoids going home: He will always work late or be the last person to leave the club 
  2. He is struggling with an addiction: If he seems to be drinking too much or using too much, or is in financial distress, it is a sign he is not happy.
  3. What he says when he is drunk: If he talks about the issues that are bothering him in his marriage when he is drunk, or talks about leaving his wife, it is signs a married man is unhappy. 
  4. He does not have a good relationship with the kids: If he does not have a good relationship with the kids they stay with, chances are that he also does not have a good relationship with his wife
  5. Everyone knows his wife is cheating: If he knows that his wife loves men and has caught her cheating several times, and maybe even have doubts that some of the kids are his, he is probably unhappy in that marriage.
  6. His wife is too controlling: If the wife controls all his moves, takes his bank card and treats him like a child, then he is unhappy in his marriage.

How do you tell if a married man is happy in his marriage?

  1. He hasn’t divorced his wife
  2. He still posts his wife on his social media
  3. Every night he goes back home
  4. He spends more time with his family than he spends with you
  5. Most of the time he ignores your texts and calls
  6. He often does not keep his promises to you

How can you tell if a married man is lying?

If you already know that he is a married man and he continues to pursue you, then know that everything that he tells you is a lie besides that he is married. So don’t believe him when he says that he is in the process of divorce, or they no longer sleep in the same room or that he loves you, or he is only with her for the kids.

How do you know if a married man misses you?

When a married man misses you, he will want to talk to you. He will call or text to check up on you and even suggest meeting up with you. He might even reminisce about events that happened when you were still together.

Read more: 12 Signs a married man cares for you

How do you tell if a married man is fighting his feelings for you?

These are some of the subtle signs to look out for when a married man is fighting his feelings for you:

  • He seems nervous when he is around you
  • He does favours for you
  • A married man will contact you even when he has nothing to say
  • He compliments you often
  • He gets jealous when he sees you with other men
  • A married man loves spending time with you

Read more: 13 sure signs a married man is in love with you

How do you tell if a married man is secretly into you?

  • He checks up on you often
  • He is nervous around you
  • He blushes when he is around you
  • He downplays his marriage
  • He wants to meet up with you alone
  • He’s inquisitive about your love life
  • He shows interest in your work and hobbies
  • He flirts with you
  • He gives you so much attention
  • He stares at you a lot
  • He does favours for you

Read more: 20 Signs a married man likes you but is hiding it

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