It is easy to offend people in the name of making conversation or small talk. Now that I have grown and also learned from experience and through other people’s experiences I now know that there are certain questions that you should never ask, no matter how close you are to the person. I know I am also guilty of asking people these same questions.

1. When are you getting married?

How do you get married without a partner?

I hated the “when are you getting married?” question because it sounds as if I’m refusing to get married. Maybe my response should have been “in two months, but can you find me a good rich man who wants to marry me first?”

The marriage question is irritating because it is beyond one’s control. How are you even supposed to answer the question when you have just recently broken up with your partner? Or you are not even attracting the right partners who are serious and ready to settle?

How do you confirm a date if your partner has not yet given you an indication of when he plans to get married? Or how do you tell someone that marriage is not yet part of your goals, you still want to pursue other things?

Read more on how to make your partner propose

Who benefits if I get married?

There is really no right age for marriage. When I got married I was glad it didn’t happen at the time that I wanted it to happen, because I would still have been very young to comprehend what marriage entails. I realized that what I wanted then was a wedding and not necessarily marriage.

When people ask “when are you getting married” do they mean “when you having a wedding” or do they mean “when are you entering into marriage”? Marriage and a wedding are two different things because a wedding benefits the woman but marriage is for the benefit of a man. If you don’t believe me you can read these two scriptures

He who finds a wife finds a good thing, And obtains favor from the LORD. Proverbs 18: 22
Then the LORD God said, "It is not good for the man to be alone; I will make him a helper suitable for him." Genesis 2:18

2. When are you having kids?

You can plan to have a child, but you have no control

I was fortunate because when I had the wedding I was already pregnant. This helped me to escape from the “when are you having a baby” question. However, with the second child, I tried for over a year before falling pregnant.

People should stop asking such questions because it is not like babies are sold at the market. There is also no formula on how to fall pregnant right away and also guarantee that you will carry that baby to full-term.

Your blessing is another person’s daily prayer

Asking someone when they are having a baby is a very sensitive matter because something that is automatic for some people is a hurdle for others. Some have lost hundreds of thousands of rands trying to fall pregnant.

People should understand that having a baby is not always within one’s control. Others have issues that are preventing them from having kids and they can’t disclose such information to people.

Not easy to say we are trying for a baby

It is never easy to impress society because when you already have a child, they will still ask when you are making more kids. And they might even call you selfish for not giving your child a sibling. So the victims will act as if they don’t want kids, while behind the scenes they are doing everything they can to have a child.  

Reasons why people can’t have kids

There are so many reasons why people cannot have kids at the time when they want kids. And when you ask such questions you are reminding them of their pain.

The are many reasons why people struggle to have kids. In women, some of the reasons are endometriosis, uterine fibroids, and thyroid disease. While infertility in men may be a result of a low sperm count or low testosterone.

Implications

This question makes people even stop attending events, family gatherings, and baby showers. They stay away from places where they will be asked such questions. Let’s try to be considerate because it is not like if we know we will even take care of the baby.

3. When are you finishing?

People, especially parents like to ask other people’s kids when are they finishing school. Life can take a different direction when children reach institutions of higher learning. Many people struggle to finish in record time.

If you are not sponsoring their studies or have secured a job for them then you should not have a right to ask. You will only notice the impact of this question if your child is failing and people are now asking you the same question.

We need to understand that people are not gifted the same, some are fast learners while others are slow learners. There is a point in life where it is no longer straight forward, but everyone has the desire to succeed

Conclusion

There is really no harm in choosing to mind your own business. People should understand that life is a journey and people will not reach their destination at the same time and neither will they use the same route. Let us be mindful of our words because an innocent talk can bring pain to the next person.