Are you stock or marriage material
Do men see you as marriage material or as stock or they do not notice you?
Men classify women into two categories, “stoko” or stock in English, which means a woman that he is with mainly for pleasure and not to build a future or family with. Then there is “mosadi” which means woman or wife and that is the one they marry or pay lobola for.
A couple of guys have called me marriage or wife material and I am not sure if it is a compliment or an insult to be regarded as such.
The sad reality is that many women do not know that their partners only regard them as stock and they will never graduate to wife status.
Men can be very greedy because they want both types of women. Even if they have a good woman, it will not stop them from pursuing stock.
Read more on why on reasons men cheat.
Table of Contents
Traits of a wife material
I have asked men what they mean when they say someone is wife material and these are their responses
1. A wife material has morals
A wife material has values that she upholds, she can differentiate between what is right and what is unacceptable. There are certain things that she would not do because she has a strong conviction. She usually do not go with the flow or do what the crowd is doing, she is grounded regardless of where she is or whom she is with.
2. She is humbled
A wife material treats everyone with respect. Her attitude towards people is not based on their class, she is able to relate with everyone.
Even if she is very successful, she is still down to earth. A wife material can be the most intelligent in the room, but she will let others talk.
3. She is self-sufficient
A wife material does not need a man to complete her, but rather to complement her. She is able to stand on her own without relying on a man.
She is busy with her own life, she has goals and dreams that she is pursuing. And because she is self-fulfilled and has found a way to create her own happiness, she is able to pass on positive energy to others around her.
Her partner does not see her as a liability, but a great asset that can be key to his success. A wife material is a hustler, but stock is merely a consumer.
4. She has the potential to bring the best out in him
There is a saying that behind a successful man, there is a woman. A wife material supports her man, intellectually challenges him and makes him strive to be the best that he can be.
She does not pull him down but pushes him forward. A good woman is able to take a man to the next level of his success.
5. She is reserved
A wife material is calm and peaceful. She does not say the first thing that comes to her mind, she thinks before she acts. She knows how to deal with conflict in a decent manner without being too dramatic. She will not cause her husband a scene with the neighbors or colleagues.
6. She is not too forward
Times have changed and women are now go-getters, if they want something they go after it. A wife material understands that times might have changed, but she is still traditional. She knows that she can’t propose to a man no matter how much she likes him.
7. She is good looking
A wife material does not have to be the prettiest woman in her community, but the combination of her looks, character, and confidence makes her a well-rounded package.
8. She brings her man honor
A wife material does not bring the reputation of her man into disrepute, she protects his image. She is faithful to her man, she does not dishonor him by sleeping with other men.
Proverbs 31 in the bible is a great example of what is expected of a wife material.
Should you strive to be wife material?
Being wife material does not seem like a good title, because it comes with too many expectations.
Qualities of a wife material seem foolish because a wife material is expected to be perfect despite her man’s imperfections. A man wants his wife to be someone who won’t do what he does, like sleeping around. He wants someone that he can feel safe with.
If you want marriage then it is important to strive to be wife material. Marriage is more than a wedding or wearing a ring. Men can be babies at times, so they require patience. If you are marriage material, you will be able to build a lasting marriage and a happy home.
Disclaimer
Please note whether you are marriage material or not, you can still get married. Not all men use the same criteria when choosing a wife.
Men are visual creatures, always look your best
If you are still on the market it is important to focus on your brand and make it appealing. You can have the kindest soul but no man will notice it unless there is something that attracts him to you.
It is important to be strategic with the image that you portray of yourself in the public and social platforms. You should post images that portray you as attractive so that a man can want to know you better but at the same time the image should not say that you are stock.
Men study their target
Men are observant, by the time they decide to approach you they have already done their homework. They have observed who your friends are, how you act around them and how you engage with other people.
They already know if they will be approaching you from an angle of making their stock or making you their woman.
By the time they approach you, there is nothing you can do to impress them because they have already studied you from afar. They have already asked other people about their opinion of you.
Women should also be proactive, they should not settle for what is available. Only agree to be married to a man who will make you feel safe.
Not every male figure is husband material, some of them still have the boy mentality.
Here are some questions to determine if a man is husband material
1. Is he financially stable?
Sometimes a man might want to make you his wife, but scared to say that he is broke and it will take years before he is in a positive financial position.
It is important not to be fooled by what he drives, where he stays, his expensive taste in clothing, or his expensive gadgets because you might find that after payday he is not even left with R200. Such a person has to rely on borrowings so how can he afford to marry you?
The cost of lobola negotiations
Some men are addicted to gambling so such a person will become a liability because instead of progressing you will have to bail him out.
It does not mean that you cannot marry someone who is not yet financially stable, but you just need to manage the situation so that financial issues will not be the cause of your unhappiness in the future
2. Is he disciplined?
You need to study his habits and evaluate if you will tolerate them in future. If during one weekend he spends most of his salary on booze and entertaining friends, do you think his behaviour will change after marriage?
Will he have time for family when he leaves home Friday and only comes back Sunday? A husband material knows that he has to sleep at home.
Does he take you seriously, does he take his job seriously because if he doesn’t it means that he can easily lose his source of income.
3. Does he have a vision?
In my world I can forgive a man who does not have much but knows what he wants. What are his plans, are they solid, what action is he taking to ensure that his plans will be fulfilled?
4. Does he love you more than you love him?
Biblically, women should respect their men and men should love their wives, but women get this concept wrong. It is better to be with someone who loves you more because you won’t always have to play the chasing game. The efforts that you put into the relationship will not be taken for granted.
5. Is he possessive?
There are men who are jealous and controlling, they do not want a woman to be more successful than them, or to look too beautiful. They want a woman who will depend entirely on them so that she can feel like you cannot live without him. When a woman is with a husband material she glows, she reaches her full potential because she has someone to support her.
6. Is he a mama’s boy?
A husband material makes decision independently, his mom does not run his life. Imagine having to compete with his mom, you will not win.
Signs that he will marry you
Men do not mind having all the benefits of marriage without formalizing the relationship. They feel like when they get married they give a woman power to be boss over them.
1. He has introduced you to his parents
If a man is serious about you he will introduce you to his family members, especially his parents or the family member who is more important to him.
If a man only introduces you to his siblings or friends it is as good as not being introduced because guys always introduce their side chicks to their friends.
If a guy has met your parents but you have not met his, it also means nothing.
2. He is saving money to marry you
If he has already started saving money to marry you it is a good sign. But if he is not making an effort to save money or always commits to new expenses, it can be a sign that he won’t be making you his wife in the near future.
3. He has told you that one day you will be his wife
Some men communicate earlier on about their intentions of marriage. If he has already told you that he is planning to make you his wife, then that is a sign that he will marry you.
4. He includes you in the picture of his future
Pay careful attention during conversations. When he talks about the future does he say “I” or does he say “we”? For example, “I can’t wait to make a lot of money so we can move into our dream house”.
If he talks about having kids with you in the future it can also be a sign that he wants to spend his lifetime with you.
5. He always wants to spend time with you
When he loves you he always wants to be with you, you don’t have to beg to see him. If he always wants to be with you, or want you to move in with him, it can be a sign that he might marry you.
6. You take pictures together and he posts in his social platform
If you take pictures as a couple and he keeps them, it can be a sign that he wants you to be part of his future. Why would he want to save memories if he does not want you in his future?
7. He gives you keys to his apartment
Giving you keys to his apartment can be a sign that he has also given you the key to his heart.
8. He asks for your opinion on any matter, no matter how small
If he is serious about you he involves you in his life, he values your opinion because he knows that the decision he takes today will have an impact when you are married.
9. He is open to you about himself and his finances
If he has opened up to you about his finances, his family dynamics, it can be a sign that he wants you in. He can’t expose a certain part of his life to someone he is not serious about.
10. When he buys major things he buys with you
Since he wants to spend his future with you he consults you on his major purchases.
11. You visit his married friends together
When he hangs around the married couples, he tags you along. Also if there are couple seminars, he attends them with you.
What to do if the signs don’t translate to a marriage proposal
Other women are “fortunate” because they meet someone and within less than 3 months of dating their partner has already proposed. the disadvantage is that they only get to know each other’s true colours only after marriage because they get engaged while they are still in honeymoon phase.
While as for others they date their partners for many years, even have kids in the process but their partners don’t even marry them.
I was not one of the fortunate ones to receive a marriage proposal so these are the steps that I took.
- I asked him when he plans to marry me and to commit to a date.
- I monitored his savings to ensure that he was really saving for lobola
- I got him to introduce me to his mom. This was really a difficult one for him, he always made excuses. I was the first woman he introduced to his mom.
- When I noticed that he seemed to be losing interest, I prayed.
When is it right to ask a guy if he plans to marry you?
If you are old enough and you have been dating for over 8 months I think you should ask him.
In a relationship communication is important, you should not just assume. It is important for both of you to be on the same page because you might see him as husband material while he merely sees you as stock.
Men are not good with breakups, they can swing you along for years. You should ask your partner if he intends on marrying you and if he says yes ask him for the timelines.
What if you push him away by asking?
You will not push him away by asking him what his intentions are. If he distances himself after the marriage question, it means that he never had intentions of marrying you so you are saving yourself disappointment in the future.
It is best to ask so you know where you stand rather than not asking and always being expectant.
Watch out for his response
- Some men will avoid the question or change the topic or even become angry.
- Some can say it will happen but don’t give a time frame.
- Some can say they are not yet ready.
- Others can even fault you that you can’t be marriage material if you are still behaving in a certain way.
- If a man cannot give you a straight answer, it can be a sign that he does not have intentions of marrying you.
Chances are that a man will never say he will not marry you, they are great liars. Don’t always follow your heart but learn to read between the lines.
It is best to validate his responses amongst other male counterparts because they know what his response means.
