Lobola is about two families coming together and forming a relationship. However, some families use lobola as an opportunity to recover the money they spent on raising their daughter. Family representatives often see lobola as a quick rich get scheme or money to close certain debts or do renovations. They may charge a hefty price, which in turn affects the relationship between you and your partner.
As a woman, you know your partner’s financial position better than your family. If they overcharge him, it might take him another year or so to raise the lobola amount or you might even have to help him out. And when the two families fail to agree on a fair amount, the relationship amongst the families start can on a bad note. It helps when one is from a liberal home because they will ask you as their daughter how much you think they should charge your man.
It is important to do your homework and plan the lobola logistics so that you are not caught off-guard. Lobola has so many associated costs and both families should be ready to finance these costs.
Read more on planning a wedding
Lobola costs incurred by the man
1. Travel costs
When you have found love, your partner’s origins are irrelevant. You might have met and been residing in a central location, but your original homes might be provinces apart or even countries apart. Apart from the estimated lobola amount that you would have budgeted, you will have to budget money to transport the delegates to the woman’s home. You might have to travel there more than once, and the further the distance, the more costly it will be. Based on the culture, you might even be required to go with gifts, which might take up a lot of space meaning that you might require bigger transport.
2. Other travel related expenditure
If the distance that you are traveling to is long, you might have to factor in the cost of food and sometimes even accommodation.
3. Pre-lobola negotiation cost
On the day of the lobola negotiation, the woman’s family might require you to pay an “entrance fee” and other monies before the actual lobola negotiations can begin.
4. Lobola charge
The bride’s family might charge for lobola in absolute rand terms e.g. R80 000 or cattle conversion rate. Some families base this amount on the type of car that the man drives, his profession or the ladies profession; which I think is wrong.
5. Gifts
There are certain gifts that the woman’s family might prescribe you come along with depending on the stage of the lobola process and this will definitely require money. You might have to buy all the family members blankets, buy a stove and pots for her mom, a suit for her dad and other things, cultural outfit for the bride.
6. Security
You will have to safeguard the lobola cash with your life, it can’t get stolen. Other families have become very liberal and an EFT lobala payment can be arranged, which I feel is much safer.
Lobola costs to be incurred by the woman’s family
Although it will be groom who will be responsible for paying lobola, there are certain preparations that the woman’s family have to do leading to the event. Where I come from I have seen people, including my family, renovating their homes in anticipation for the lobola, which I feel is unnecessary. As you will be hosting guests, the following costs are involved:
1. Catering
Breakfast and lunch will have to be arranged for the guests as well as the family members who will come for the lobola negotiations. The price will be dependent on the menu that will be served and the number of people to be catered for. This also includes the dishes which will be used to cater for the people.
2. Transport
If where you are currently residing is far from your hometown, you will have to include the cost of transport to go home and if there are any specific relatives that you want at the event you might have to pay for them.
3. Accommodation
If the in-laws are from afar, you might have to accommodate them at your home or other people’s houses or even guest houses depending on your circumstances.
4. Lobola celebration
You might have to host a formal event to celebrate the occasion and this will include costs for décor, outfits, music, food and beverages etc.
5. Gifts
Depending on the cultures, at send off, the brides’ family might be requested to buy gifts for the husband’s family.
6. Security
The environment must be safe to prevent the lobola proceeds from being stolen. Ideally the family should have a plan on when and how the money will be banked.
