Going through a breakup is painful. And just when you think you have survived a breakup, your ex may want to come back into the picture only to be heartbroken again when you discover these signs your ex just wants to sleep with you.
According to an article in Verywell Mind studies show that 27% of young adults report having sex with an ex within a two-year period. And almost one in four couples who are legally married but separated continue to have regular sexual contact.
While an article in Ex boyfriend recovery says that 44% of people have slept with their ex after a breakup.
It is fairly common for exes to sleep together, but it is never a good idea. Your ex may just be using you because they are already familiar with you. There is a high chance that one party has completely moved on, while the other party is still hoping for a relationship.
Check out these signs your ex just wants to sleep with you to avoid holding onto someone who does not want to be with you.
Table of Contents
- Signs your ex just wants to sleep with you
- How do you tell if your ex still wants to be with you?
- Why does my ex still want to hook up?
- Is it a good idea to sleep with an ex?
- Signs your ex never loved you
- FAQ
Signs your ex just wants to sleep with you
1. He is in a committed relationship
If your ex makes a move on you while he is in a committed relationship or is already married, it is a sure sign your ex just wants to sleep with you. He has no intentions of committing to you or leaving his woman.
2. He is inconsistent in chasing you
When your ex really wants you back, he will be consistent in chasing you. And even when you turn him down, he will not give up so easily.
He will use different tactics to win you back like checking up on you often, taking you on dates, giving you gifts, texting you, supporting you, etc.
But when your ex seems to be on and off, it is some of the signs your ex just wants to sleep with you. He might text you to come over and if you do not seem interested, he will be quiet for some time and reach out to you again after some months.
3. He quickly wants to jump to the bedroom
When your ex wants you back, he will try to impress you. He will also try to address those issues that led to a breakup. But if he seems quick to jump to bedroom activities without trying to impress you, it is a clear sign your ex just wants to sleep with you.
4. He’s unavailable when you want to meet up with him
When a guy is in love with you, he will enjoy spending time with you. But if he makes up excuses when you want to meet up with him, it is signs he does not love you.
If he only wants to meet up with you when it is convenient for him, it is signs your ex just wants to sleep with you.
5. He messages you after seeing a sexy picture of you on social media
If your ex messages you after you have posted a sexy image of yourself on social media, it means his eyes are fascinated by what he saw. He is infatuated and wants to try his luck by reaching out to you.
One thing you should know is that men are visual beings, if the image looks appealing, they are easily turned on.
So you really want to be careful because he might be reaching out to you because he wants to sleep with you and not because he wants you back.
6. He does not want to define the relationship
If your ex does not state his intentions, or tell you straight that he wants you back or when you ask him questions about the future of the relationship, his response does not give you satisfaction, it is a sign he just wants to sleep with you.
7. He does not want the relationship to be public
If he does not want people to know that you are back together, it is also another sign your ex just wants to sleep with you. Chances are that he is cheating with you and does not want the news to reach his current girlfriend or wife.
8. He does not respond to some of your calls and texts
If your ex does not respond to some of your calls and texts, it is a sign he is not really interested in you. When a guy likes you, he will respond almost instantly or return your calls.
9. He only wants to meet up with you when he is in your neighbourhood
If a guy only contacts you when he is around your area, but the other times he is quiet, you’re just his booty call.
He just wants you to service him when he is away from his steady girlfriend.
10. He’s told you he is not ready for a relationship
If your ex has told you that he wants to be with you but he’s not ready for a relationship, you should worry.
It means he wants to sleep with you without being committed to you. It is his way of saying he only wants your body but not you.
How do you tell if your ex still wants to be with you?
1. They still want to meet up with you after the breakup
When your ex still wants to meet up with you after the breakup it is a sign your ex wants to be with you or they regret hurting you.
2. They are still in contact with you
If after they have dumped you, they still call you, text you, check up on you, it is a sign your ex still wants to be with you, unless if you were longtime friends even before you dated.
Also, if they keep you up to date with what is happening in their lives, still contact you when they need advice and even call you when they want to vent, then it is a sign that they regret losing you.
3. They tell you how sorry they are for the breakup
They have told you how sorry they are for breaking up with you, how they have messed up and took your love for granted. If you have already received an apology, then it is one of the signs your ex wants to be with you and still loves you after breakup.
4. They justify why they left you
If your ex is trying to justify why they had to break up with you, maybe they blame the long-distance if you were in a long-distance relationship, or the influence of friends or family, or alcohol, or what you did, then it is a sign that they regret dumping you and wants to be with you.
5. They tell you about the issues in their current relationship
If they are telling you that their current partner does not match your level and discussing their relationship issues with you, it is a sign your ex regrets dumping you.
6. They stalk you
Another sign that your ex regrets losing you and wants to be with you is when he seems to be stalking you. He seems to know when you have attended an event, or if there is a milestone that you are celebrating, and he will call you or text you to let you know that he knows or just to compliment you. Sometimes you might find that he is at the same location as you.
7. They try to get your attention on social media
If after the breakup you blocked your ex, they will try to use most social media platforms to get your attention. If they try to DM you on Instagram, or Facebook, Twitter or whichever social media platform, your ex wants to be with you.
Read more: Signs he wants you to notice him on social media
8. They agree to do favours for you
If you need a favour from your ex, or you want some form of help and they easily agree, then it is a sign that your ex still cares about you.
9. They talk of past good memories
When an ex reminisces about the past events, the places you went together, reminds you of your favourite song, the things you did together, the words you said to them, it is a sign that they miss the relationship. They sometimes might forward you old pictures and ask if you still remember.
10. They have kept the images of you
If your ex has kept the images of the two of you or your images, it is a sign that they are not over you, and hope that one day you might be together again. Or if they have deleted the images, and ask you to resend them, then it is a sign that he regrets losing you.
When you have dumped someone, it is courtesy to also delete anything that might remind you of them. Because if you have moved on, there is no need to keep old memories, you will create new ones with your current partner.
11. They drunk call you
If they call you when they are drunk to tell you how much they love you, and how you were the only woman who understood him and loved him truly, then it is a sign your ex wants to be with you.
12. They have told other people that they still love you
If they have confessed to other people that they were stupid for letting you go or for losing you, then it is a clear sign your ex regrets losing you and still wants to be with you.
13. They are not happy when you are in a relationship
When you are in a relationship, they will not be that happy for you. They might even try to discredit the person that you are with. Or they might try to mess up the relationship for you by calling you so much and sending texts that make the other person believe that you are still dating your ex.
Read more: Alarming signs he’s not over his ex
Why does my ex still want to hook up?
Your ex wants to hook up because he wants to benefit from you sexually and not because he loves you. Men love sex so if they can get it so easily from you why not?
Here are some of the reasons ex still wants to hook up:
1. He is using you
Men are selfish beings. They want to have their bread buttered on both sides. So they use you for sex and at the same time delay you from meeting someone who will love you for real.
2. Familiarity
Hooking up with someone new takes effort so since he is already familiar with you it makes the game easier.
You are already familiar with each other, he does not have any pressure to impress when he feels like having a different menu besides his stable woman.
3. They are missing you
Maybe your game was on point (but you were just never wife or husband material). So they know that they always get great sex with you.
4. Closure
They were not happy that you broke up with them so they are just trying to settle a score by sleeping with you. And this helps them boost their ego.
5. You’re available
He’s seen that you are available so why not hook up with you?
Is it a good idea to sleep with an ex?
Many people have slept with their exes, but it is never a good idea to sleep with an ex for these reasons:
1. It can delay you from moving on
If your ex is in a relationship while you are not in a relationship, it can delay you from moving on.
2. It can affect your current relationship
If you are already in a relationship, sleeping with an ex can affect the relationship. When your current partner finds out it might end the relationship. Or you might not feel satisfied in the current relationship because you might constantly compare your partner to your ex.
3. You might be a homewrecker
If your ex has already moved on, and their spouse finds out, it might affect their marriage as well as their children’s wellbeing.
4. Your ex might just be using you
You might be sleeping with your ex with the hope that you will get back together. But your ex might not have intentions of getting back with you, they just want to use you for sexual gratification.
5. It can be addictive
Sleeping with an ex can be addictive, it can be a pattern that can never be broken once you allow it to happen. So it means even if you can be in other relationships your ex will still have a hold over you.
Signs your ex never loved you
1. They did not introduce you to any of their friends or family members
If a guy does not introduce you to any of his friends, you should worry. Most guys are fine with introducing their girlfriends to their friends, but they only introduce the woman they see a future with to their family.
If you have never met his friends or siblings during the time when you were dating, it is one of the signs your ex never loved you.
2. He has never taken you out on a proper date
One of the signs your ex never loved you is if he has never taken you out on a proper date. All your meetings were either at his place or your place. This means he was not interested in getting to know you better before being intimate with you.
3. They never celebrated special occasions with you
If your ex-partner did not remember your birthday or did not bother celebrating with you, it is one of the signs your ex never loved you.
Or if after knowing it was your birthday, they still did not give you a gift, it’s a sign he was not into you.
If he refused to celebrate Valentine’s Day with you because he does not believe in Valentine’s, it is also a sign your ex never loved you.
And if he did not celebrate certain milestones like your graduation, passing of an exam, getting a job, your anniversary, then the writing was on the wall that you were not the one for him.
When a guy loves you, he will do the simple things that will make you happy.
4. He did not spend quality time with you
When a guy likes you, he will want to spend most of his time with you. Yes, he will still meet up with friends and family members, but you will be his priority.
Some guys will even suggest that you move in with them because they cannot get enough of you.
If your ex was always unavailable for you, you only meet up with him at his terms and not on your terms, it is a sign he never loved you.
5. They hardly initiated contact
If you always had to remind him to call you, to respond to your texts, to come and see you, it is a sign your ex never loved you. When a man loves you, he does not have to be reminded of the simple tasks.
6. He never made you his plus one
If he had year-end functions at work where he could bring a plus one, but he never brought you along, it is a sign your ex never loved you.
Or if he could attend a wedding or a friend’s event with a plus one but he didn’t take you along, it means he did not regard you as his girlfriend.
7. He flirted with other women in your presence
If a man flirts with other women whilst in your presence, it is a sign that he does not respect you.
If he also took pictures with them or of them and post them on social media, while he never posted any images with you, it is a sign your ex never loved you
8. He did not make any compromises for you
One of the signs a man likes you is when he does favors for you. If your ex always refused when you asked for his help, it is one of the signs he never loved you.
9. He abused you
He crushed your self-esteem and found fault in everything you did; nothing was ever good enough for him. He did not compliment you, no matter what you did or how great you looked.
He gaslight you and made you doubt yourself. Read all about gaslighting tactics here.
If these signs were prevalent in your relationship, it is signs you were in an unhealthy relationship and your ex never loved you.
10. His ex was still in the picture
If he was still in close contact with his ex even after you had voiced your concerns, then it is a sign he was not over his ex .
If you felt like he prioritized his ex over you it is a sign your ex never loved you.
11. He did not talk of a future together
When a man sees you in his future he will say “we” when talking about the future plans. If he never said “we” when talking about the future, it means he was not sure if you were the right woman for him.
When you asked him when he planned to marry you, he got angry, avoided the topic, or told you that you were being pushy.
12. He did not ask for your advice
If he never asked for your opinion when he wanted to do something, it is a sign your ex never loved you. When a guy sees you in his future, he will want to hear your views, even if he does not follow them.
13. He was in a committed relationship with someone else
If started dating you while he was already married, it is a sign he never loved you because he had no intentions of leaving his wife for you, he only wanted to use you.
14. He was always unavailable when you needed him
At the times when you wanted to see him or expected him to be by your side, he was never available for you. Even when you were sick, he could not come and see you.
15. He never took any pictures of you
He never took and posted any pictures of you while you were together. And if you did take a picture of him, he would refuse or not allow you to tag him.
But after he broke up with you, he posts his new girlfriend on social media.
16. He does not beg you to come back after he has messed up
If after he has hurt your feelings you left him, but he did not try to win you back, he just let you go, it is a clear sign your ex never loved you.
Read more: 13 Signs he knows he messed up but is scared to admit
17. He did not want to be seen in public with you
If he did not want to be seen in public spaces with you, you could not go to the mall with him, or the park, or even do any outdoor activities with him, it’s a sign he never loved you.
Read more: 10 common mistakes women make when in a relationship
FAQ
How do you know if your ex just wants to hook up?
1. He does not try to date you all over again
If your ex does not chase you, impress you, get to know you again, agree to do things your way in the relationship, it is a sign your ex just wants to hook up.
2. No evidence that things will be different going forward
If your ex can’t give you assurance that he is a changed man, or he has ended the other relationship, it is a sign your ex just wants to hook up.
3. He is still in another relationship
If your ex is still in a relationship when he approaches you, he just wants to hook up.
4. He doesn’t want to commit or define the relationship
If he still does not want to commit or tells you that we will see where it goes, it is a sign your ex just wants to sleep with you
5. You don’t communicate often
If you do not talk or text often, but only contact you when it is convenient for him, it means he does not want a relationship but a hook up.
How do you know if my ex is testing me
According to ex boyfriend recovery, your ex may be testing you because they are curious, on a power trip, or trying to make a big decision involving you.
1. They check up on you
They will contact you in order to find out information about you like if you have moved on if you still have feelings for them, and if you seem happy or not. Sometimes they might be checking up on you because they want to brag that they have made it in life.
So when they check up on you, it will help them plan their next move. Which might be to get back together with you, or just to use you.
2. They make you jealous
Some exes will directly or indirectly try to make you jealous, and personally, I find it childish. An ex might send you pictures of them with their new partner, or they might post images of their new partner often on social media while they never posted any images of you. Or if you try to contact them, they will give the phone to their partner to answer.
So when they play the jealous test on you, they are trying to get a reaction out of you and the best reaction to give to them is silence. Just ignore them and pretend you are not bothered.
Read more: How to ignore someone you love
3. The flirt with you
Men do not love cutting ties with their exes so that they can have easy access when they want a booty call. A married man once told me that guys just love cheating with their exes. The same also applies to a woman, she knows that she has someone who can take care of her needs when she is single, or on bad terms with her partner.
So if you are the party who is still single, and your ex flirts with you to a point where it feels right to sleep with them, you just want to be careful. Single people agree to sleep with their exes with the hope that the relationship will be rekindled, only to be disappointed.
4. They ignore you
Maybe you have been trying to reach out to your ex so that you can apologize or so that you can find closure, but when you call, they ignore your calls and never get back to you.
Or also when you text they do not respond. Maybe they are ignoring you because you have hurt them or because you also ignored them.
Read more: How to deal with being ignored by someone you love
5. They tell you their issues
Your ex might tell you when they are going through a difficult time like losing their loved one. So your reaction or level of support will enable them to assess if you still care about them.
If after they have told you and they still do not get a reaction from you then they know that the chances of rekindling things are slim.
How do you know if your ex still cares about you?
1. He contacts you often
If your ex still calls you or texts you, it is a sign that your ex still cares about you.
2. He replies to all your texts
If your ex still replies to your texts, it is a sign your ex still cares about you
3. He takes your calls
If you call him and he still answers your calls, it is a sign your ex still cares about you.
4. He remembers your special days
If it is your birthday and he still wishes you a birthday, it is a sign your ex still cares about you
5. He hides his relationship status
If he does not want you to know when he is in a relationship or that he is married, it is a sign he still cares about you.