I am sorry if you have found out that your boyfriend or husband has been cheating on you. And you’re probably reading this because you want to know if his apology and other actions are signs he regrets cheating or if he is just sorry he got caught.
It is important to note that most men cheat for other reasons and not because they no longer love you. Some men are accustomed to cheating that they cannot live without it.
Your man probably cheated on you before you got married, but was just good at hiding it. So even when you got married, he did not change from his cheating ways.
An article in Fatherly shares the responses of an interview conducted on men who cheated on their wives. Some regretted cheating, while most did not regret cheating.
When you catch a man cheating, there is a great chance that he might continue with the affair but hide it so that you do not find out. Or he might end the affair, but after some months he cheats with someone else.
So does it mean once a cheater, always a cheater? In most cases, yes, but in some instances no, because people are different. Some men are genuinely remorseful, and they understand the devastating effects of their actions on their partners and families.
So you might want to know if you should give the relationship another chance after he has betrayed your trust and if he won’t cheat again.
After reading this article, you will know the signs he regrets cheating and signs he does not regret cheating as well as signs he will cheat again.
Read more: 9 Reasons men cheat on women they love
Table of Contents
- Signs he regrets cheating
- Signs he does not regret cheating
- Signs he will cheat again
- Signs he cheated and feels guilty
- FAQ
Signs he regrets cheating
1. He stops the affair
One of the signs he regrets cheating is when he immediately stops the affair and breaks all contact with the person that he was cheating with. He will no longer take her calls and neither will he initiate contact.
He will also give you assurance that the affair has ended by showing you proof. Most affairs happen at work and it can be difficult to know if a work affair has indeed ended. If he no longer invited you to his workplace, he can invite you to his office regularly in order to give you peace of mind that the affair has ended.
2. He gives you access to his phone
If he is willing to do whatever you ask him to do, it is also one of the signs he regrets cheating. He will no longer hide things from you. He will even share his passwords and allow you to have access to his phone.
Read more: How to thoroughly check his phone to find out if he is hiding anything from you
3. He tolerates your insecurities
After discovering that your partner has been cheating, you will be insecure, you will not believe a single word he says. As one of the signs he regrets cheating, he will allow you to validate him.
When he is not at home and he claims to be with his friends, he will allow you to speak to them over the phone so that you can validate what he says. Or he can even agree to a video call so that you can check out his surroundings.
And he might even agree if you suggest that you want to come along with him. He will also keep you updated on all his movements.
4. He sincerely apologises
He will tell you how sorry he is for hurting you, and it will be accompanied by actions. His apology will be sincere and emotional.
He takes full ownership of his wrongs and he does not blame you for his cheating. His apology won’t say, “I’m sorry, But if you had not done 123 I would not have cheated”
Also, when you mention how much he has hurt you, he will never say “I already said I’m sorry,” he will still apologise again to you.
5. He answers your questions
After the knowledge of his cheating, you will have a lot of questions. You will be asking questions like why he did it, with whom, how often and how long, where he did it, did he use protection and as a sign he regrets cheating, he will not brush off your questions. He will be willing to listen to you and answer most of your questions.
Beware of someone who is defensive, putting the blame on you and avoiding all your questions as it can be a sign that he does not regret cheating.
6. He gives you time to process the hurt
After the knowledge of his cheating, you might not feel like being intimate with him. He understands when you distance yourself so that you can heal, and he waits for you to be ready.
And you might even be thinking of sexually transmitted diseases so you will feel the need to protect yourself if you are to be intimate with him.
7. He agrees to go for counselling
As a sign that he regrets cheating, he will agree to counselling if you suggest it. Because when someone cheats, it can be a sign that there is an underlying problem and if it is not resolved it can happen again.
A remorseful man will be willing to do whatever it takes to rebuild the trust and work on the real root cause of his cheating.
8. He admits his cheating to other people and they notice how sorry he is
If he has admitted his cheating ways to other people, like family friends, family, pastor, third party, it is also one of the signs he regrets cheating. Most cheaters never admit that they have cheated. If he admits, it is a sign that he is trying to find a solution and rebuild the trust.
And these people also notice how remorseful he is and how he has changed his ways and beg you to give him another chance.
9. He is ready to do anything to ensure that trust is restored
When a man regrets cheating, he will give you the power to decide on which direction the relationship should take going forward. He will even allow you to do the things that you have always wanted to do like prioritizing yourself.
If you are married and you need to take the kids away just so that you can focus on your healing, he understands. Or if you need to be in the company of other people like friends and family, he will not complain that you are neglecting him.
And whatever suggestions you bring like attending couples therapy, or doing an activity together, he is willing to try it out.
10. He changes his routine so he can spend more time with you
When he regrets cheating, he will spend more time with you. If he is not at work, he will be with you. He also minimizes working overtime, or travelling just so that he can be with you. If he has to travel for work, he can suggest that you join him.
Or if you were in a long-distance relationship, he asks you to move in with him full time.
Signs he does not regret cheating
1. He continues with the affair
If he still cannot give you assurance that he has ended things with the person he was having an affair with after you have caught him, then it is one of the clear signs he does not regret cheating.
Or if he still contacts the person he cheated with and lies about it, then it is a sign he does not regret it.
2. He blames you for his affair
Another clear sign he does not regret cheating is when he blames you for his affair. He tells you that it is your behaviour or your image that led him to cheat.
3. He blames you for finding out
If you found a message on his phone or pictures that led you to know that he has been cheating and he becomes defensive and blames you for going through his phone, then it is a sign he does not regret cheating.
4. He said sorry only once
If he has said sorry only once and expects you to accept his apology, it is a sign he does not regret cheating.
5. He can’t answer any of your questions
If he is not willing to answer any of your questions so that you can get closure, it is one of the signs he does not regret cheating.
6. He is not willing to put in effort to win back your trust
If he cannot do any of the things that you ask of him which can help you heal from his cheating or which can make the relationship work again, then it is a sign he does not regret cheating.
For example, you suggest therapy and he refuses, or he still does not report his movements to you or allow you to accompany him, or he refuses to give you access to his phone, it can be a sign he does not regret cheating.
Signs he will cheat again
1. He tells you that all men cheat
When you ask him why he cheated and he tells you that all men cheat, then it is a sign he will cheat again because he is not acknowledging that what he did was wrong.
2. He blames you for finding out
If found out that he has been cheating on you because you have checked his phone, and instead of owning up to his cheating and apologizing, he blames you for going through his phone, then it is a sign he will cheat again.
3. He does not show remorse after getting caught
If he does not show any remorse even after you caught him cheating, it is a sign he will cheat again.
4. He does not do anything to win back your trust
After he cheated, he does not try to make any changes in order to rebuild the trust. He does not give you comfort that he has ended the affair and neither does he give you access to his phone.
Also, he does not see the need to report his movements to you. In short, he is still very secretive. When you suggest that you should both get counselling, he refuses.
5. The issues which led him to cheat have not been resolved
If there was an underlying issue that lead him to cheat and this issue is still not addressed, chances are that he will cheat again. For example, maybe he cheated because you are in a long-distance relationship and even after the cheating you are still staying miles apart.
Or he complained that there was no intimacy in the relationship and even after he has apologised the relationship still lacks intimacy, it means that he will cheat again.
6. He has never not cheated
If you have forgiven him so many times before for cheating, chances are that he will cheat again.
Signs he cheated and feels guilty
1. He forgot the lies he told you
When a man is cheating, some of his stories will not add up. He will forget the lies he told you, or he might say he was with a friend but when you ask that person he denies being with him.
2. He accuses you of cheating
When a man accuses you of cheating, it is a sign that he is cheating and feels guilty. He is trying to make you not suspect that he might be cheating by diverting attention. He is trying to ease his conscious and pinning it on you.
3. He changes his routine
If he is not the type that showers when he gets home, but now he heads straight to the shower when he gets home, he probably wants to wash off the scent of the other woman which is a sign he cheated and feels guilty.
Or when he gets home he heads straight to bed claiming he is tired. Maybe he has stopped being intimate with you or he now has new styles in bed. Or he now prefers to leave very early for work or he has become serious about going to the gym.
4. He is too loving
To compensate for the fact that he is cheating he can be too loving. He might even do sweet things for you like buy you flowers, or help with chores.
5. He gets irritated quickly
If you happen to ask him innocent questions like where he has been, or why is his image changing he can become defensive and get irritated quickly.
When you ask him questions, he might even pretend to be angry just so that he can leave the house and go and be with the other woman. And when you call him he will not even pick up his phone.
6. He no longer invites you to work events
If he used to invite you to work events like year-end events but now he longer invites you, it can be a sign that he cheated or he is cheating with someone at work and does not want to cause problems.
7. He switches off his phone or puts it on silent when he is home
If when he is home, he prefers to have his phone off, on flight mode, or on silent without it vibrating, it can be a sign that he is having an affair and he does not want the other ladies calling when he is with you.
8. He has stopped telling you stories about his cheating friends
If he used to tell you that his friend is cheating on his girlfriend or wife, but now he is quiet about it, it can be a sign that he is also doing the same. So he cannot talk bad about others because he is also guilty of the same crime.
9. He gaslights you if you find evidence
If you happen to find another woman’s item in his car or at his place, he will convince you that it is yours. Or if you find an earring or condoms, he denies cheating and might even pin it in his friend or brother or sister who had borrowed his car or visited his place. Beware of these gaslighting tactics that men use in relationships.
Read more: 18 Signs Your Man Is Cheating – Don’t Ignore The Signs
FAQ
How do you get over being cheated on
Healing from being cheated on is not an overnight process, it takes time. It takes prioritizing self above all else. It comes with knowing that he is not cheating because of you, but his lustful desires. There is really nothing you could have done to prevent it from happening.
Read these tips on how to heal after being cheated on.
How long does it take for a guy to regret cheating
Many guys never regret cheating until something is at stake. Maybe when the woman he is cheating with is blackmailing him or his wife wants to file for a divorce.
How do you know if he’s truly sorry for cheating?
He will stop the affair, give you access to his phones, gadgets, and social media accounts. He will also agree to get help. You, his friends, and other people will also notice that he has changed.
Do cheaters eventually regret
Most cheaters don’t necessarily regret the cheating but regret the effects of the cheating. Cheating complicates or messes up a good relationship or marriage. It can even lead to losing your spouse or even the kids. So what cheaters regret is losing the stable life that they were used to and not the act of cheating.
They might also regret cheating with the wrong kind of woman, who reports them to their wives, or the media, etc. Or someone who falls pregnant and keeps their child, while they never really wanted a long-term relationship with them.
How a guy acts after he cheated
Some men will be too loving to their wives to cover the fact that they are cheating or have cheated. While some men feel no guilt whatsoever; it is their way of life.
Do cheaters suffer
Yes especially if they are blackmailed by the person they have cheated with. And they stand to lose a good relationship and family if it leads to a divorce or a breakup.
How does cheating affect a man
Being cheated on is not easy on anyone, whether man or woman. Men are very territorial so they are hard hit by the effects of being cheated on. When a man is cheated on, it affects him psychologically. He might even become a player after being cheated on or start to drink too much or he might even change his appearance. He might also have trust issues in his next relationships.
