Being ignored by someone you love is hard because there is no precise formula on how to deal with such. I know the pain of being ignored by someone you love and what makes it worse is that you never see it coming. You were used to communicating with them almost daily, doing activities together and even sharing jokes and gossips together.
But one day when you call, they do not pick up your calls. You think maybe they are busy and when they are free, they will get back to you but it never happens. And when you try to call again the line just rings and goes on to voicemail.
You send them texts, but you are blue ticked; and hours later there is still no response. You notice that they are online, but they just do not want to interact with you.
If you are staying together or you see them often, when you try make conversation, they walk away or keep themselves busy on the phone.
And when you see these signs, you realise that maybe you are being ghosted. So how do you deal with being ignored by someone you love without going insane?
Being ignored in a relationship sucks; the pain that you feel is equivalent to that of heartbreak. It is bad when someone ignores you on purpose because they do not think of the effects of their actions.
I know the feeling of waiting for an incoming call from him or a text message but it never came. Or the hope that if I am with him in person, he will want to talk to me. But even when you are with him, he still ignores you.
I would be telling myself that it was not my fault, he should be the one apologizing if he truly loves me. I even created scenarios in my head that should he reply, I will also ignore him back because when someone ignores you ignore them back right?
But over time, I have learned how to effectively deal with being ignored by someone you love.
Table of Contents
- What does it mean when your lover ignores you
- How to deal with being ignored by someone you love
- The psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love
- Psychology of ignoring someone
- FAQ
What does it mean when your lover ignores you
1. They are angry at you
Your lover may be ignoring you because you have made him or her angry. So they are giving you silent treatment as a way to hurt you back or to get you to apologise. You might have offended him through your words, actions or he feels emasculated.
Read more: How to make a man happy
2. He wants a breakup
Some guys are not good at ending relationships, so they opt to ignore you and hope that you will take the hint. You may have thought that you were a couple, while to him you were just a fling. When a man ignores you, it is also one of the signs he’s not into you.
Read more: Signs you should break up
3. They are cheating
Your lover may be ignoring you because he is cheating. He does not want to be disturbed when he is with someone else. It is important to establish if he is cheating on you or with you. Because when he ignores you, it can be a sign that you are dating a married man or he is in a committed relationship.
Read more: 18 warning signs he is cheating
4. They are manipulating you
Other people when they do not get what they want from you, resort to silent treatment. They know that you will eventually give in to their demands. Maybe your partner was borrowing money from you then you refused. They then become angry and ignore you until you finally agree to give them money. This can also be a warning sign of gaslighting in a relationship.
5. Avoidance and diversion
Your lover may be ignoring you because they may be trying to avoid a certain issue that you have raised. Maybe you noticed cheating signs and when you ask about it they become angry and decide not to talk to you. They know that you will stop asking if you are being ignored.
6. They need space
Your lover may be ignoring you because they are going through a stressful time in their life and need some space to process their issues. It might be hectic at work, or they are under financial strain and they feel like they do not want to deal with people.
How to deal with being ignored by someone you love
1. Don’t flood their phone with missed calls or texts
The reason you are reading this is because you have already noticed that you are being ignored. You have tried to speak to them in person, tried calling, texting but have not gotten any joy.
If you have already left three missed calls, then you want to stop calling and implement the below steps. Or if you have already sent three texts or even tried to get his attention on social media but still no response, then you want to pause it.
You do not want to seem too desperate or seem like you are a pysho, because it will not achieve the intended results.
Read more: How to make him want a serious relationship with you
2. Try to figure out why you are being ignored
It is important to figure out the real reasons why your lover is ignoring you so that you can deal with the root cause. Check if any of the below events happened before they started ignoring you:
- Was there an argument before the silent treatment?
- Are they angry over something that you did or did not do?
- Did you say any words that could have offended them?
- Did you accuse them of something?
- Were they stressed about work, finances, family issues or even other things?
If one of these events triggered the silence, do you think it is justifiable or do you think that there is more to it?
You may want to think of the situation from his point of view, your point of view, and a central point of view. Sometimes you might have to narrate it to someone who will give you an objective view.
After doing the assessment, does it kind of make sense as to why your partner is ignoring you? Or have you deduced that you are being ignored out of the blue since there is nothing that you did to upset them?
3. What do you want to achieve?
Do you want the relationship to go back to normal? Or do you want an apology from them?
If you want the relationship to go back to normal you will have to be the bigger person. Also do not expect an apology from them because you might not get it.
In most instances, when someone ignores you, they are not willing to apologise. They see themselves as a victim while you are the perpetrator.
If you expect an apology from them, you can also ignore them and do not even try to reach out. However, note that if you both play the same card, it might push him further away and the relationship might not recover.
4. What to say to someone who ignores you
When someone is ignoring you, it is better to talk to them in person than over the phone. In-person, you are able to have physical touch and say words like “babe, I don’t like this tension between us” in a soft voice.
However, sometimes it might not be possible since you are miles apart. But these are some of the words you can say depending on your circumstance:
- If you have made him angry say this:
“I’m sorry babe if I have upset you, it was not my intention to hurt you.”
“I’m sad we are not talking right now and would love to fix things.”
2. Say this if you do not know why you are being ignored:
“Are you fine? I am really worried about you. Did I do something wrong?”
3. If they are stressed about other things, you can say this:
“I’m here for you whenever you want to talk”
4. Or you can start a conversation that is not related to the situation.
“So this thing happened today…”
5. And if you are still not getting a response, say this:
“I’m sorry and I’ll respect your space”
5. Listen to what they have to say
If you get a response after reaching out to them, then give them a chance to talk without interrupting them or belittling their feelings. Even if you feel like they are wrong, do not argue with them.
6. Share your feelings
Acknowledge their feelings and let them know that you have heard them and it was never your intention to make them feel the way that they are feeling.
Politely tell them your reasoning and feelings because this might be the only chance that you get to discuss that particular issue. It is also important for them to know so that they can also see things from your perspective.
Remember that other people are manipulative, so they ignore you hoping to always get their way in a relationship. So sharing your feelings helps them understand why you could not do what they asked for.
7. Apologise
Say I am sorry, ask for his or her forgiveness and commit that you will try to talk communicate better next time. Apologising does not mean that you will agree to their demands, it just means that you are sorry for the unintended pain that you have caused.
8. Communicate your expectations
If you do not like that your partner always ignores you after a conflict or every time when they are stressed, address the matter when the mood is right. Tell them that you care so much about them and they should not be scared to open up to you about their feelings. Also, tell them about the effects of being ignored.
9. You can get a third party to intervene
If you still have issues in the relationship, you can get an objective person to intervene. Or if your partner is stubborn and continues to ignore you, a third party can help reach out to them. You can get a mutual friend, pastor, therapist etc.
Involving a third party who will not be biased can help you see things from another perspective and even help you deal with the root cause so that you do not keep going in circles.
10. How to deal with being ignored by someone you love even after reaching out
Sometimes your efforts might not work because the person was just trying to break up with you. Or they just want to manipulate you; they are angry when they do not feel in control. You want to practice these as a way of dealing with being ignored by someone you love:
- Do not blame yourself
- Show love to yourself
- Distract yourself by doing a hobby or pursuing your goals
- Spend time with friends and family
- Go for therapy
- Read these tips on how to move on from someone you love
- You can also read this article in Medical News Today on how to avoid a depression
If they come back after a long period of silence, think to yourself: do you want to deal with the ordeal of being ignored again, or is it better if you continue to keep your distance?
Read more: Should you give the relationship another chance?
The psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love
The psychological effects of being ignored by someone you love are too great. Being ignored feels like heartbreak and therefore has both emotional and physical side effects. When someone ignores you, it is overwhelming and can be unbearable. The brain cannot easily process the rejection.
When someone ignores you, it is equivalent to them dismissing your existence. You end up feeling rejected, confused, unloved, not valued, asking yourself a lot of questions and you even doubt yourself. You feel out of control, feel like you are losing and even develop low self-esteem.
Being ignored also makes you feel sad, angry, lonely, irritable, frustrated, anxious until the person speaks to you again. You even want to isolate yourself from people. The effects of being ignored can even lead to depression.
When someone ignores you, that is when you miss them even more, they are in your thoughts all the time.
According to an article in life hack, there’s a part of the brain that is designed to detect different levels of pain. It’s called the anterior cingulate cortex, and it activates when someone receives silent treatment. When someone is ignored, their brain tells them they are in physical pain.
Symptoms include headaches, diarrhea, insomnia, constipation and fatigue. It can even lead to heart diseases, eating disorders, urinary and bowel problems and even other diseases.
Psychology of ignoring someone
When someone ignores you, that silence is saying a lot. They are trying to punish you for something that you did or did not do. Their silence means the following:
- Since you have hurt them, they are trying to hurt you back so that you can apologise. They want you to feel the impact of their absence in your life.
- It also means they do not want to give you an answer. Instead of them saying they do not feel comfortable answering your question, they just ignore you so that you do not ask further questions related to that matter.
- It means they prefer not to talk because you might not like what they say.
- It means “NO”
- They do not value you or value what you have to say. In other words, they do not care.
- They want some space
- It is a form of manipulation so that you do what you had refused to do.
FAQ
Is it ok to be ignored by someone you love
It is never okay to be ignored by someone you love because it means that there is unhealthy communication, which is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. As a couple, you are not free to express your true feelings. And it also means that the person being ignored failed to notice their fault and rectify it before the situation got out of hand. Being ignored is painful and love should not cause pain.
What happens when you are ignored by someone you love
When someone you love ignores you, they are trying to send you a message. The downside is that silence is not a good communication tool although it can achieve immediate results for the person who is ignoring.
When you are ignored by someone you love you feel a range of emotions that you would not feel had you been ignored by an ordinary person. You will ask yourself many questions, you feel unloved, doubt yourself and it might even lead to depression. It can even lead to headaches, chest pains, sleeping and eating disorders. And if prolonged, it can lead to heart diseases.
What to say when someone ignores your text
“I’m sorry if I have wronged you in any way. I would have loved for us to talk and rectify things, but I will give you space.”
If you do not get a response after sending such a text, then you should say nothing. You should give them time to reply.
