Have you just found yourself in a long-distance relationship or are you considering entering into one? Are you worried if your relationship can survive the distance or if long-distance relationships can work? My answer to you is yes a long-distance relationships work but it won’t be easy.

According to an article in the New York Post, research indicates that 58% of long-distance relationships last.

I have been in a long-distance relationship before, the communication was great. We would spend hours and hours talking and texting and would look forward to the meeting date.

Relationships are complex by nature and it is understandable why people would have mixed feelings when it comes to long-distance relationships. I think there is no couple that would choose to be in a long-distance relationship, but they are forced by circumstances.

You might have been together all the time but one of you happens to get a job in a different location, or an opportunity to study in a different state. While for some it can be that they met during holidays but they live in different locations while others have met online.

Whatever the reasons are for the long-distance relationship, it can never be easy. The main reason people enter into relationships is for companionship and intimacy. And when you are in a long-distance relationship, these two important aspects can be challenging.  

I also understand why people find long-distance relationships hard because there are days when you just miss their presence or that feeling that you are in a relationship.

There is no guarantee when it comes to relationships, but long-distance relationships can work if you prepare yourself mentally and discuss your expectations when entering or transitioning into such a relationship. Read these advantages, disadvantages and how to make the relationship work under the circumstances.

Advantages of being in a long-distance relationship

1. You have time to focus on yourself

The advantage of being in a long-distance relationship is that you have your space and time to focus on yourself. You are able to do all the things that you have always wanted to do, without feeling like you are neglecting your partner.

Someone who is in a long-distance relationship is able to study, pursue hobbies, focus on their career or even go on trips with their friends. They are also able to foster relationships with family, friends, and their partner without neglecting either of them.

You also don’t waste much of your energy trying to prove that you are wife material by cooking, cleaning for him, doing his laundry, although you can do it when you are together. As a man, you also don’t have to prove that you are a gentleman when you are apart although you can do so during your visits.  

2. Opportunity to travel

The great thing about being in a long-distance relationship is that you get an opportunity to travel and know places that you wouldn’t have known. You even create memories that would not have been created had you been in a “normal relationship”. Visiting your partner who is in a different state or country can be a great excuse to go on holiday.

3. You look forward to the physical meetings

When you are in a long-distance relationship you really look forward to the physical meetings, just like a kid looks forward to the parents coming back from work. You literally even do a count-down, because you can’t wait for that day to come.

When you finally meet, you appreciate every second you spend together and use it optimally because you know that it is short-lived.

4. You have deep meaningful conversations

People who are in long-distance relationships learn how to communicate because in such a relationship, communication is what holds the relationship together. I often think that people in long distance relationships even communicate more than couples who are always together. Their communication is not distracted by a partner who is constantly on the phone, or watching television or busy with other activities.

Couples who are in long distance relationships have time to talk about their feelings, desires, goals, expectations way more than couples who do physical touch more than communication.

Disadvantages of being in a long distance relationship

1. Lack of companionship

The difficulty with being in a long-distance relationship is the lack of companionship, meaning that you can still feel lonely and single whilst you are in a relationship. You don’t have that person to spend your nights or weekends with, or even watch movies or attend events with. When you are stuck, they can’t even come to your rescue. And also when you are sick, they can’t even be there to give you tender care.

2. Lack of physical intimacy

Another disadvantage with being in a long-distance relationship is having access to physical touch and intimacy when you long for it. Although women can go for months and even years without intimacy, with men it can be a tricky one. They can resort to porn or even get it from someone else. Couples in long long-distance relationships have to find other innovative ways to fill this void.

3. Infidelity

Infidelity occurs even in relationships where the couple is together on a daily basis, however, in a long-distance relationship cheating happens with minimal effort. The cheater doesn’t even have to hide the cheating because their partner will never catch them out.

In some cases, people who are in a long-distance relationship are also in committed relationships with someone else. They stay with this person on a full-time basis and only apart when the partner who is far comes for a visit.

Although sometimes it is not that the partner is cheating, but they are just scared to tell you that you have been replaced. During this time of being in a long-distance relationship, other people find or are found by their soulmates.

Read: Signs your partner is cheating to watch out for

4. You don’t learn your partner’s habits timely

When you are in a long-distance relationship, it takes some time before you know your partner’s true colours. Since all visits are planned, there is minimal opportunity for someone’s true habits to be exposed.  If your partner is untidy, during the weekend when you are coming, they can try to be neat. It can be difficult to know who your partner is when they are around other people or when they are drunk, angry, too happy, sad or even irritated.

5. Attention can be divided

If you are staying at your partner’s hometown, visitations can be a challenge since little time will have to be split between you, their family and friends. I remember when I was in a long-distance relationship, his friends were around my area so it meant that some hours he would be unavailable for me, and that was not a nice feeling.

6. The relationship can be costly

Since you can be in different cities, states or even countries, meeting up frequently can be a costly exercise.  Being in a long-distance relationship can mean having to pay for flights, bus tickets, petrol, driving a long distance or even booking accommodation just so that you can be together. And without money it means you will not be able to see each other often which can lead to the relationship taking a strain.

How to make long distance relationships work

1. Communicate often

Long-distance relationships work if both of you are committed to constant communication. There is no excuse why you can’t be there for each other because you are just a text and call away. These days channels of communication have even become cheaper than in the past. It is even cheap to do video calls these days.

You can leverage on the existing technology so that you can feel like you are a part of each other’s lives. When you communicate, you should talk about everything, even the smallest detail like you want to go to the toilet, or you are eating or the details of what happened at work. Once you can stop having small talk and only focus on serious talk, you will drift apart.

Remember in a normal relationship you see everything that your partner gets up to, but in a long-distance relationship you will have to describe each activity to your partner, so that they can feel like they are there with you.

When you talk often, it also helps not to make the physical interactions seem awkward because it feels like a continuation. You don’t feel like you are with a stranger or run out of things to talk about because you are always together. It is also important to constantly reaffirm your love for each other since you cannot show it in deeds.  

You can’t see your partner’s face so it is important to express your feelings in words. Don’t assume that your partner understands how you feel.

2. Visit each other regularly

For long-distance relationships to work you will have to visit each other frequently. You can’t only rely on technology, sacrifices will have to be made so that you can spend quality time together. Distance makes the heart grow fonder, but too much distance can make the heart to grow fonder for someone else. Set days in a month or year when you can visit each other. So that it doesn’t feel like a burden, you can alternate the visits, this month its you, next month it’s your partner.

3. Send each other gifts

When you are in a long-distance relationship, it is advisable to send each other gifts so that your partner feels like they are in a relationship. Receiving a gift reassures them of your love and also that  you are thinking of them. A gift can also act as a reminder and a memory.

4. Be committed to making the relationship work

There is no relationship that is not hard work. Even if there is no distance in the relationship you will still have to put in the work. All relationships require a certain level of commitment.

If you had planned to call or to meet up ensure that you stick to it. When you foresee changes tell your partner in advance. If you won’t be available at the time that you normally communicate, let your partner know rather than ignoring the call. When you don’t answer your calls, you will stress your partner unnecessarily.

If you plan to go out with friends after work let your partner know, anyways in a normal relationship you would still report your movements.. Find a way to accommodate each other in your busy schedules

5. Have something to keep you busy

For long-distance relationships to work, it is important for the parties to have independant lives. If there is nothing that occupies your time you will always feel bored and even suspect your partner of cheating or resort to cheating. It is important to have other things that are going on for you so that you don’t have to feel lonely.

6. Capture the memories

When you are together try to make memories and capture them. Take pictures and videos together that you can look back to them when you are miles apart.

7. Have an end goal in mind

You can’t be in a long distance relationship indefinitely, you will have to discuss how the distance can be shortened. At least if there are time-frames it can be worth the wait. Will you be applying for a job so that you can work close by, or will you get married so that you can stay together etc

Conclusion

Long-distance relationships do work if you put in the work. Don’t give up with being with the love of your life just because you are miles apart.