Everything that a woman does or does not do, is seen to be signs of a controlling woman in a man’s world. If you ask a man what time he’ll be home, he perceives it as control. If you can’t cook because you are sick or tired, he sees it as control. If you want him to wear something else, he regards it as control and if he asks you to change to something else and you refuse, it is also regarded as control.
Women are very caring and motherly in nature and as a result, they also tend to show motherly love towards their husbands and boyfriend. And men hate the feeling of being treated like kids, they are now adults, they have managed to escape their mom’s control.
When I was writing this article, I realized that it means that my husband perceives me to be controlling, because I do some of the things listed here. This article is for men to spot the control signs in the relationship and how to deal with a controlling woman. It is also for women to see if men perceive them to be controlling.
Read these 16 signs of a controlling boyfriend
20 Signs of a controlling woman
1. She wants to go everywhere with him
One of the signs of a controlling woman is a girlfriend or wife who wants to accompany her man everywhere. When he goes to meet his gents she goes with him and also when he meets up with his family members. Even when he goes to run his errands, she is right beside him. She also goes with him on his business trip. If it was possible, she would even go to work with him and to the toilet with him just to make sure that there is no room for him to cheat. She never wants to let her man out of sight.
2. She wants to scrutinize his phone
Another sign of a controlling woman is a girlfriend or wife who does not respect her man’s privacy. She goes through his phone like it is her phone. She checks his WhatsApp chats and all his social apps, call history, and even his smses for purchases or bank balances. If her man refuses to give her his gadgets or refuses to share his password, it raises red flags to her that her man might be hiding something.
Read more: How to thoroughly check his phone
3. She chooses which friends he can hang out with and for how long
A controlling woman doesn’t like it when a man dedicates most of his day towards his friends. She also seems to dislike most of his friends and only prefers certain individuals. She wants to literally be her man’s best friend.
And when his friends sense her energy, they even become scared of visiting the man in her presence. She even goes to the extent of telling her man that his friends are not genuine, they are just using him. And if by a certain time her man is not back home, she will call and text him. And if he ignores her, she will text or call the friends.
4. She decides how to spend his money
Another definite sign of a controlling woman is that she wants to control her husband’s or boyfriend’s finances. Her money is her money and his money is also her money. She wants to run the entire household and determine how money should be spent.
She will sometimes even restrict her man from spending on the things he wants like buying the kind of car he wants. She sometimes even restricts him from supporting his other kids or giving money to his family, but she wants him to spend on her kids and her family.
5. She gets everything she wants
A sign of a controlling woman is that she never takes “NO” or “NOT NOW” as an answer. Her man will have to do everything she wants him to do. If she wants an elegant wedding while he cannot afford it, he will have to make a plan. She is selfish, she only thinks about how her needs and wants can be fulfilled and not about how she can meet her man halfway. She wants to receive more than she gives.
6. She restricts her resources
When a woman seems to be the breadwinner in the house or has more money than him, that man is controlled in every possible way. If he is driving her car she will dictate where he can and cannot go with her car. She sets the terms of use and makes a man feel that the resources are not his because the rights of use are conditional. If he makes her angry in any way or does not comply, he knows that he will lose the benefits.
Read more: How to make a relationship work when woman earns more money
7. She constantly checks up on her man
Another sign of a controlling woman is that she will constantly check up on her man either through call or text. And when she checks up on him, her calls can never be a missed call or an unanswered text. If the calls are not returned timely, she starts to suspect that her man is being mischievous. She sometimes even does a video call just to check out his surroundings or who he is with. And sometimes she might even want to speak to her man’s friends just to confirm that they are with him.
8. She makes ALL the decisions on their behalf
A woman who is controlling will want to make all the decisions. She chooses which holiday destination they should go to, what furniture they should buy, the color of the paint, which church they can go to, and even how the kids should be raised. Her man has a minimal voice when it comes to running the household or making any decisions.
9. She commits to things without consulting her man
A controlling woman will commit to something without her man’s prior approval. She will rsvp a couple’s event without first informing her husband. She might even lay-bye an item or buy an item through debt without discussing it with her man and expects him to pay.
She can even help out her friends and family with her last money and expect her man to bail her out when she has run out of money for more important things. She expects her man to always be in agreement with whatever decisions that she has made without his consent.
10. She always knows what is best for him
A sign of a controlling woman is that she seems to always know what is best for her man, just like a mom knows what is best for her child. She sometimes restricts him from exercising his own will. She chooses for him what he can and cannot wear. Sometimes she can even use words like you will embarrass us if you can dress like that. She even chooses what he can and cannot eat. The man might not want to eat vegetables or eat healthy but she will insist that he has to.
11. He needs to get her permission first
A man who has a woman who is controlling needs to get permission for basically anything. He will needs to get her permission before he agrees to go with the guys, or attend a work event after hours, or help out a friend, colleague or family with something. If he expects to spend more money or buy a takeaway during lunch he also needs to get her permission. He has to report EVERYTHING to her.
Read more: Reasons why great relationships change after marriage
12. She takes drastic action when she does not get her way
A woman who is controlling will want her man to behave in a certain way and if he does not comply, it becomes war. If a man comes back home late, she might even just lock him out. She threatens to leave if she feels that she is not getting her way. She even stops doing all the things that she did like making food, doing laundry, and even bed activities.
13. She undermines her man’s authority
Another sure sign of a controlling woman is a woman who undermines her husband’s authority. She defies her man’s instructions and does as she pleases in the relationship. If her man says that she can’t go somewhere she will insist on going. She does the opposite of what he wants.
14. She is disrespectful
A controlling woman talks to her man anyhow, she does not treat him with respect. She even shouts at him and emasculates him. She tells him words like he is not man enough and even compares him with other men. She even embarrasses him in public.
Read more: How to make a man happy
15. She guilt trips him
When she does not get her way or he does not do what she wants him to do, she will guilt trip him. For instance, if he refuses to share his password with her, she will say words like “Oh so you are cheating on me again that is why you are refusing. It means you were with her then”. Or if he refuses to buy her something or do something for her she’ll say “You have just bought your mom furniture but you refuse to do something this small for your wife?”
16. She is always defensive
A controlling woman is never wrong in her eyes, she is a perfect girlfriend or wife. When she has wronged her man, instead of apologizing, she becomes defensive and acts like she is a victim. She is even good at gaslighting.
17. She is physically abusive
Yes men can also be victims of gender-based violence. When a man has done wrong, a controlling woman will slap him or beat him up. Yet when the roles are reversed she will report him to the police or his family.
18. She always seeks his attention
A woman who is controlling will always seek her man’s attention. She will make up stories like she is sick, or use the kids just so that her man can give her attention. Or send him to do errands just to make sure he comes back home earlier.
19. She determines when and how many kids to have
When a woman restricts a man from having the number of kids that he wants, it is regarded as control. Also if a man does not want kids and a woman falls pregnant, it is also a sign of a controlling woman.
20. She wants to change him
The last sign of a controlling woman is a wife or girlfriend who tries to change her man. For example, if she knows that he smokes or drinks, and tries to tell him to stop, it is perceived as control. Or he does not go to church and she forces him to go to church with him, he sees it as control.
What causes a woman to be controlling?
The effects of past relationship experience can cause a woman to be controlling. If a man has lied to her before she might develop an anxiety disorder in order to protect herself from being lied to again.
Someone with an anxiety disorder wants to control everything around her in order to feel at ease. Other women are controlling as a result of these controlling personality disorder symptoms:
- Paranoid personality disorder
- Borderline personality disorder
- Histrionic personality disorder
- Narcissistic personality disorder
How to deal with a controlling girlfriend, woman or wife
1. Find out why she is controlling
It is important to find out why she seems controlling. Has she always been controlling or it has been triggered by something? Is it that you lied to her before and she feels like she can’t trust you so she always wants to be in control of your movements and finances? Or are her control issues due to her upbringing or it is just a personality disorder?
2. Talk to her calmy about her behaviour
Talk to her about how it makes you feel when she behaves a certain way towards you and ask her what can be done differently to make her feel at ease.
3. Don’t make her doubt you
Avoid doing anything that will make her become even more controlling. Be faithful to her, don’t lie to her, and don’t hide things from her because such can make any normal woman become paranoid.
4. Seek professional help
If all else fails, it might be advisable to attend a couple’s therapy session so that you can get assistance in navigating your issues.
How to get out of a controlling relationship
Have people that you can freely talk to about these issues so that you can know if what is happening in your relationship is normal or not. If the relationship has become toxic you can get help as a couple and if the relationship still does not improve you might have to end the relationship.
How do I know if my girlfriend is controlling
Signs of a controlling woman can sometimes be very subtle, they can come across as a woman who is very loving, is concerned about your health, lifestyle, safety, and wellbeing. And due to her caring nature, she can impose certain restrictions on you so that you can be the man that she wants you to be.
She will want to control what you eat, what you wear, who you hang out with, where you go, where you stay, what you drive. She basically wants to control your entire life.
How can you tell if a girl is toxic
A girl who is toxic will be emotionally, financially, psychologically and physically abusive. She disregards your feelings and life only revolves around her. Such a woman speaks to you anyhow, wastes your money, gaslights you and even beats you up.
