Being in a relationship or even a friendship with a woman with trust issues can prove to be difficult. That is why it is important to know the signs of a woman with trust issues so that you can help them and improve the health of your relationship.
Many people have been hurt before by those they trusted, and this has given rise to people living with trust issues. And when these trust issues are not dealt with, it filters down to one’s relationships including romantic relationships, relationship with children, and even work relationships.
According to an article in Good Therapy on the psychology of trust issues “A person with trust issues may harbor negative beliefs about trust and may find themselves thinking limiting thoughts, such as:
“I can never let my guard down.”
“If I open up I will only get hurt again.”
“Everybody is out to get me.”
A person with these kinds of thoughts may construct social barriers as a defense mechanism to ensure that trust is not lost again. These barriers are often a person’s way of avoiding the pain, rejection or guilt associated with mistrust.”
Trust issues also give rise to women who are too controlling when in a relationship and sometimes it can lead to a toxic relationship.
Table of Contents
- Signs of a woman with trust issues
- What is the root cause of trust issues?
- How do you help someone with trust issues?
- What are the signs of not trusting?
- Signs of a man with trust issues
- Symptoms of trust issues
- Signs of trust issues in a relationship
- FAQ
Signs of a woman with trust issues
1. She always assumes the worst of people
A woman with trust issues is always negative. She anticipates that she will be let down or hurt by a man or other people.
Such a woman thinks that there is no man with genuine intentions, all men who approach her just want to sleep with her. She also thinks that all men are abusive, they lie and cheat.
Or if she has an employee, she thinks that her employee will steal from her or take advantage somehow.
2. She constantly accuses her partner of lying or cheating
If she is in a relationship, she always assumes that her partner is lying or cheating unless proven otherwise.
If her partner does not answer his phone, or he is online but not chatting to her, or he tells her that he can’t see her since he is busy, she will make it a big deal.
She constantly checks his phone for any evidence that suggests that he might be lying to her. And if she does not find anything, she tells herself that it is only a matter of time before he cheats on her (again) or he’s just deleted the evidence.
3. She verifies information
She believes that everyone is guilty until innocence is proven. So if you are home late because you were working overtime, she might contact your other colleagues to find out if you were indeed working overtime.
Or if you say that you are with your friends, she will call them or ask you to give them the phone so she can speak to them, which are all signs of a woman with trust issues.
4. She is overprotective
A woman with trust issues is overprotective of her partner and even her kids.
If she had a child as a teenager, she will be protective of her daughter in order to prevent history from repeating itself. She will not want her child to be friends with other people or go to certain places because she might sleep with boys or do drugs.
And also with her partner, she will adopt the same approach. She might restrict him from being friends with people whom she thinks might influence him badly and not allow him to go to certain places without her.
5. Lack of emotional attachment
When you are with a woman who has trust issues, you feel like you are in a one-sided relationship. She is not willing to be vulnerable or go all out for the relationship.
In short, she does not show her partner affection because she does not want to be heartbroken.
6. She refuses to be intimate
A woman who is dealing with trust issues might struggle to be intimate with her partner. She feels like once she is intimate with him, he might betray her or hurt her.
Or being intimate reminds her of the sexual abuse that she suffered in her past relationship or in her childhood.
7. She can’t delegate tasks
Sometimes when she seems uncomfortable asking for help or assigning certain tasks to people, it can be signs of a woman with trust issues. She always thinks that people will let her down, so it is better if she does everything herself.
Even if she is a boss at work, she will not be comfortable asking her direct reports to handle certain tasks because they might not do it right.
She is not comfortable with having a helper at her house or looking after her kids because she thinks of the worst like her helper stealing items or hurting her kids.
8. She spies on her loved one’s personal items
When a woman has trust issues she will constantly go through her partner or child’s gadgets just to see who they talk to and what they talk about.
She will also go through the banking texts just to see how they have been spending their money and what they have been spending it on.
9. She avoids commitment
When she avoids commitment, it can be a sign of a woman with trust issues, or she just does not love the guy.
When she meets a guy who is serious about her, she will self-sabotage the relationship because she is preventing herself from being hurt.
She prefers not to date or only enters into casual relationships.
10. She is manipulative
A woman with trust issues might be manipulative because she wants to safeguard herself from abandonment.
So she might use gaslighting tactics on her partner due to her insecurities. She might tell him that if he loves her, he must no longer be friends with certain people. Or when he refuses with his phone, she uses words like
“It means you don’t love me”
“You are cheating”
“I knew you were like my ex”
“I know you want to leave me”
11. She is jealous when she sees woman giving her man attention or when he talks to women
If her man talks to women or happens to look in a woman’s direction, it becomes an issue. She accuses him of flirting with them or of being a womanizer.
Or if he works closely with a female colleague, she instantly becomes suspicious, which is clear signs of a woman with trust issues.
12. She holds grudges
Someone with trust issues does not easily forgive and forget. She is still angry over what someone did to her in the past. Even as her partner she keeps reminding you of your wrongdoings.
What is the root cause of trust issues?
1. History of betrayal in relationships like infidelity
If a woman has been cheated on by her partner, she will develop trust issues. So even if she decides to give the relationship another chance, she won’t be trusting of her partner anymore.
And when she moves on to the next relationship, she moves on with that unresolved trust issue, especially if her new partner starts behaving like her ex.
2. Divorce of parents
A divorce can leave a permanent scar on the lives of kids. It makes one to lose confidence in their role models or in the ideas they had about marriage.
3. History of abuse
If a person has been abused by a partner or saw their parent being abused, they fear that history might repeat itself.
4. Bad childhood experiences
Individuals who go through a troubled childhood like instances of neglect, violence, mental abuse, and molestation, may also lead to a person developing trust issues in the future and question the intentions of those around them.
5. History of being bullied
Being bullied as a child can have long-term effects and make one to always be on the defensive side when older.
6. Facing disappointment
If you have been disappointed by the people or an organization you trusted, it can give rise to trust issues.
How do you help someone with trust issues?
Want to help someone with trust issues or want to know how to deal with trust issues in a relationship? Try these 8 things on your friend or partner or someone with trust issues.
1. Allow them to voice out their insecurities
You should allow them to speak about their feelings and fears without fear of judgement. And please listen to them and don’t belittle their feelings.
2. Get to know them better
Ask them relevant questions so that you can decipher the root cause of their trust issues. You can try asking them if they were ever betrayed in a past relationship and also find out about their upbringing and family dynamics.
If you realize that your partner has trust issues because of your actions, maybe you lied to them or cheated then please take accountability.
3. Give them words of reassurance
Tell that person with trust issues that you understand where they are coming from and you are sorry that the trust is broken. You love and care for them and do not want to see them hurting.
Tell them they should not let what happened in the past stop them from living life to the full and they should not let it come in the way of what could potentially be a good relationship.
4. Make them see things from your lens
Tell them you understand why they feel this way. But if roles were reversed, and you were the one with trust issues, and you kept on checking their phone or accusing them of cheating how would it make them feel? Or if they had a child or sibling in a relationship with such a setup, how would they feel about it?
5. Ask them to meet you halfway
Tell them that you want to meet them halfway if they allow you to. This means that you will be honest, have no secrets, you’ll try not to make any promises you cannot keep and you will let your actions speak louder.
But in return, healthy boundaries should be maintained. They can’t always assume the worst of you, they should give you the benefit of the doubt and be willing to open up to you.
6. Act on your words
Make their heart feel safe by being an open book. No more lies, no more secrets, no more empty promises or sneaky actions.
7. Give it time then suggest therapy
Give it some time and if their trust issues are still not resolved within a couple of months, advise them to seek professional therapy.
8. Know when to let go
If it still does not work out after all your attempts to help someone deal with trust issues, know when it is signs of an unhealthy or toxic relationship and end the relationship.
What are the signs of not trusting?
These are some of the signs of not trusting:
- Changing your mood when your partner talks to people of the opposite gender
- Constantly checking your partner’s phone or items
- Accusing your partner of cheating without evidence
- Being scared to date or commit for fear of being hurt
- Isolating yourself from people
- Always expecting to be disappointed by people
- Always validating their story
- Being scared to delegate work
- Being suspicious of everyone’s intentions
- Always being negative or pessimistic
- Always expecting the worst to happen
- Harboring a grudge
- Constantly thinking that history will repeat itself
- This person isolates their partner from his friends or family
Signs of a man with trust issues
- A man who constantly checks your phone
- He tracks your phone and car
- He wants to go everywhere with you
- Lack of emotional attachment
- He accuses you of cheating
- He always thinks you are going to leave him
- He’s overprotective of you
- He’s possessive, he wants to control you in every way
- He isolates himself from people or isolate you from people
- He fears commitment
Symptoms of trust issues
- Assume betrayal
- They anticipate betrayal
- Unwillingness to open up
- Avoid commitment
- Cross checking information
- Overly protective out of fear they will become disloyal
- Distance themselves from others to avoid betrayal or abandonment
- Avoid commitment
Signs of trust issues in a relationship
- Always checking their partner’s phone
- They require justifications e.g. why did you not pick up my calls?
- Always calling their partner to check where they are
- Want to hear conversations
- Wanting to go with partner everywhere
- Accusing partner of betrayal without evidence
- No emotional commitment because they believe they will be betrayed
- Unforgiving
- Not willing to open up
- Unwillingness to share
- Trusting blindly or too quickly
- Overprotective of their partner
FAQ
How do you know when a girl has trust issues?
- She always assumes the worst of other people
- She believes that people are lying to her or will eventually lie to her
- A girl with trust issues always expects the worst from people
- She distances herself from people
- She does not open up
- She’s always negative
- She does not want to date or be in a committed relationship
- She acts like a detective when in a relationship
What are people with trust issues like?
People with trust issues are extremely cautious and suspicious of everyone they meet. They think everyone has bad intentions or will eventually hurt them.
So their trust issues make them be too distant, controlling, manipulative, unforgiving, and impatient.
