Money matters cause problems in most relationships and is also a leading cause of divorce after infidelity. Many couples do not communicate, which makes it also difficult to communicate about financial matters.

Some partners are very secretive about their financial affairs which frustrate their partners. Some people complain that their spouses make a lot of money yet they do not want to share the money with them. While others feel that their partners do not have financial discipline as they always overspend.

There are those partners who spend money on everyone else besides their immediate family or their wife and kids. Some people complain that their spouses do not contribute and they have to run the household alone. While others feel like they do not have a say in the household expenditure since only one spouse controls the entire household finances.

What are your partner’s money habits

A few months into dating my partner, I realized that our money habits are completely different. I am someone who always wants to have excess money and this habit started from school age. I don’t like the feeling of being broke or not having savings, so I try by all means to manage my finances.

As for my partner, when I met him he was the opposite of me. He spent above his means and was not financially savvy like me. When we discussed money it always caused tension, but we have now become better at engaging in financial matters.

It is difficult to find two people who think alike when it comes to money because we have been wired and raised differently and our priorities are are different. The things you spend your money on can feel like wasteful expenditure to your partner.

Should couples have a joint account or separate accounts

The pros and cons of a joint account

The advantage of using a joint account is that it is no longer your money or my money, but it becomes our money. Even the spouse who generates no income or minimal income is able to have access to money. You can also monitor your spouse’s spending habits since can keep track of your spouse’s income, expenses, cash withdrawals, card purchases, and debit orders.

The downside with this arrangement is that expenses that were acquired before marriage like student loans, retail accounts, child maintenance, alimony, and other debts will be paid from the joint account.

Another disadvantage is that the partner who is not financially responsible might misuse the money, which may be a setback if you have your own financial goals.

The pros and cons of a separate bank account

With separate bank accounts, you split the bills per your arrangement and you have the freedom to do as you please with the balance. You don’t even need your partner’s consent to spend your money and you can even have a joint account for savings.

The downside is that you can’t really monitor your partner’s income and spending habits and it makes it very easy for the partners to have secret accounts or even undisclosed expenditures. There is also a distinct separation between your money and my money and if you are the partner who does not make much and your partner does not give you a significant allowance, then you always have to ask.

3 tips to resolve your money differences

1. Understand your partner’s money blueprint

When dealing with finances, you must have an open mind because you are merging two people from different backgrounds. A person’s upbringing and environment play a role in how they handle finances. Certain money habits are acquired unconsciously. Compare your money habits to how your parents managed their finances, do you notice any similarities?

You should understand that there is a truth that your partner knows, which might not be what is best for the relationship. It will take time for them to unlearn all those bad habits which have been acquired over the past 20 or even 30 years of their lives.

2. Communicate your goals and expectations

Talking about finances is not easy, but it is a conversation that has to happen if you want to be happy in the relationship. Have a dialogue with your partner on your financial goals for the relationship. Propose your plans and hear your partner’s views. If you are not happy with the response find out what it would take for them to buy into the idea.

Your short-term financial goal as a woman may be to afford to move into your own home instead of renting or living with your in-laws. While for a man it may be to have a nice sports car.

Relationships are about making compromises so that you can both be happy eventually. In the first year, you can decide to prioritize the woman’s needs while in year 2 or 3 the man’s needs can be prioritized.

3. Write down a list of all your expenses

Discuss your income and expenses so that your partner does not have unrealistic expectations or does not think that you have too much money while you don’t. If you don’t discuss your money goals your partner may think you are stingy or you just don’t want to spend on them.

It is important to make a list of all your expenses so that you can know what you can afford as a couple. At a minimum, your list should have the following:

• Rent or mortgage bond
• Groceries
• Transport and petrol
• Water and electricity
• Monthly debts (Credit cards, car debt, clothing accounts)
• School fees if you have kids or are attending school
• Insurance
• Cellphone, airtime, internet costs
• Other family responsibilities like money for maintaining other kids, their parents or siblings

Read more on things to know about your partner before committing

Conclusion

Resolving money problems in relationships is not a process that happens overnight, it takes time and a lot of deliberation.

Whether you decide to have a joint account or not, it is up to you, but you should find what works for you. If your circumstances have changed, don’t be scared to constantly have the money discussion so that you remain happy at all times.