What are your expectations in a relationship? Do you have a list of expectations or you are free-flowing? If you do not have a list of expectations in a relationship, how will you know if you are being treated right by your partner?

It is good to have a list of expectations when entering a new relationship but also be careful of the danger of expectations in relationships. You can have a list but keep it brief so that you do not feel like your partner is constantly disappointing you. 

When I entered into a relationship with my husband, I had expectations, but they were a bit relaxed due to the disappointments that I faced in my prior relationships. As much as I had expectations, not all my expectations were met. But there were also other things that were not on my list of expectations, that he excelled on.

My husband also had a list of his expectations, and I know for sure that I am not meeting all of them.

Please note that these expectations in a relationship list are just a guideline, you should ultimately decide which ones are the most important to you.

Table of Contents

• List of expectations in a relationship
• Examples of high expectations in a relationship
• Danger of expectations in relationships
• What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?
• FAQ

List of expectations in a relationship

1. Loyalty

Loyalty in a relationship means faithfulness. It means that your partner would not do anything to betray your trust. This means that your partner will always stick with you regardless of the circumstances you come across. 

It also means that you expect to be in a relationship where your partner will not cheat on you and will not choose anyone above you. 

Please note that if a guy chooses to spend his Friday evening with the guys instead of you, that is not him choosing his friends above you. He still needs to have a personal life even if he is in a relationship.  

2. Attention

It is also important to include being given attention in your list of expectations in a relationship. You expect your partner to hear you out when you talk to him or her. 

This also means that you expect your partner to be physically and emotionally available for you when you need them. When there is a happy matter to share or a sad matter, you know that you can always speak to your partner. 

3. A partner who is caring

It is reasonable to expect your partner to be caring in a normal relationship. This means that your partner will be caring towards you and your emotions. 

If you happen to be sick, you expect them to show you TLC. If you need help or assistance and what you require is within their reach, you expect that they will chip in. 

4. Intimacy

A relationship should have intimacy unless you have agreed to be celibate for a certain timeframe. And if you are a Christian, remember that sexual intercourse before marriage is a sin, so please move on to the next expectation if you are not yet married.

Intimacy is not only about sleeping together, but also about being touched, caressed, kissed, and being with a partner who won’t deny you and is willing to try out new things with you.

5. Respect

Respect is a very important aspect of any relationship. Respect encompasses these elements:

Not to be treated like a child but an equal partner

No person wants to feel like their partner is too controlling or made to feel like their partner is their mother or father. Your partner should not dictate but allow you to make decisions.

Calm communication

Your partner should not shout at you when addressing your flaws, they should address you in a respectful manner.  

Not to be embarrassed in public or anywhere

Being respected by a partner means that they will never embarrass you or make you feel stupid, they should wait until you are behind closed doors to correct you.  

6. Quality time

Another thing that can be in your list of expectations when in a relationship is spending quality time. You do not want to feel like you are lonely while you are in a relationship.

Couples need to spend quality time together in the midst of work, family, and friendships. When they are free, they should try to spend it with you. 

7. Gifts and/ or acts of service

You expect your partner to do something special for you on special days like your birthday as a minimum. Even if your partner does not have money, they can still do nice gestures for you. 

8. Honesty

It is important to expect honesty from your partner. Your partner should be transparent to you and not lie to you. Your partner should open up to you about everything including if they have kids outside the relationship and if they were married before. 

And before getting married, it is reasonable to expect your partner to open up about their financial status.

9. Appreciation

When you are in a relationship, you want to feel loved and appreciated by your partner. This means that your partner will not take your love and what you do for them for granted. They will appreciate your effort or the role you play in the relationship. This also means they will not compare you to other people.

10. Friendship

Relationships are not only about intimacy but friendship. Because when the lovey-dovey phase is over, what sustains the relationship is the friendship. 

If you are friends with a partner, it means you will be able to talk about everything and you will be able to do fun things together and grow old together.

11. Support

Being in a relationship where your partner offers you support is critical. You know that you can always count on your partner for emotional, physical, and financial support.

Your partner should also be that person who supports you in your endeavors and cheer you on.

12. Compliments

You expect your partner to compliment you when it is fit to do so. If you have done something great, or have achieved something or you are looking great you expect to be complimented. 

13. Understanding

It is good to have an understanding partner. Sometimes you will be faced with tough choices and will need your partner to be understanding for the relationship to work. 

Imagine if they say you have to work overtime or temporarily work in a different location but your partner is not understanding? 

14. Responsible partner

In your list of expectations in a relationship please don’t forget to include a responsible partner. Having a partner who is a drug addict, gambling addict, fraudster, serial cheater, etc can affect your happiness in that relationship.

15. Healthy communication

Healthy communication is key to the success of a relationship. When there is healthy communication, you will be able to talk to your partner about your expectations.

You will also be able to talk about future plans, the future of the relationship, and your feelings. 

16. Forgiveness

Forgiveness is important in any relationship because we are all bound to err. At some point, you will make your partner angry and you will expect them to forgive you. And there will also be times when your partner will wrong you. 

17. Team player

For a relationship to be successful, it takes team effort. Your partner cannot expect you to run the relationship alone, they should also put in the weight. For example, your partner cannot expect you to pay for all the expenses, they must also hustle for a job.

18. Zero tolerance to abuse

A very important expectation to add to the list is zero tolerance to abuse. This means saying no to any physical or emotional abuse. 

Examples of high expectations in a relationship

1. Your partner must be able to read your mind

As women, we often assume that our partners are able to read our minds based on our body language. But I have learned to stop assuming that my partner knows what is expected of him. If there is something I want him to do, I voice it out. If I am not happy about something, I let him know.

It is important to remember that no one went to the school of reading someone’s mind. Plus these days, people are too busy on their phones, so they won’t really pay attention to your body language. 

2. Your partner will always agree to your requests

You might expect your partner to always say yes to you if they really love you. For example, you might want your partner to attend a friend’s event with you but they refuse. 

Expect that your partner will turn down certain requests and it might hurt at that time, but you have to allow them to exercise freedom of choice. 

3. You will love the same things

Expecting your partner to have the same interests as you can be unrealistic. You won’t have the same taste and same hobbies. You might love shopping, while your partner really hates shopping. 

4. Your partner will do things exactly the way you want him or her to

You might expect your partner to say I love you everyday, opens the door for you, sends you sweet texts, only to be disappointed. So know that certain days your partner will forget, while other days they will just feel like not doing it. 

5. There will never be conflict

If you think that your relationship will always be perfect; you will never have a disagreement or argument, then you are wrong. All healthy relationships will experience conflict, but it is how you deal with the conflict when it arises. 

6. The relationship will be your source of happiness

If you think that someone can make you happy then you are wrong. You first have to make yourself happy and a great partner will just complement it. And if your expectations are not met, the relationship can become the cause of your stress.

7. Your partner will change for you

If there are certain things that you do not like about your partner but you are hoping that they will change for you, you might have to wait for decades. If you do not like that your partner drinks alcohol, smokes, or has certain habits you don’t like, accept them for who they are or move on to someone else.

8. You will do everything together

I have seen couples who go everywhere together but in your case, it might not work. Your partner will still want to have a life of their own and have their own space.

9. You will share everything

Thinking that your partner will share all the passwords, phones, payslip, bank profiles, business secrets, and social media accounts, can be great because it shows transparency. However, in a normal relationship, there are certain things that are personal and you should just rely on trust.

10. Your partner will not do wrong

Your partner will do you wrong, they will intentionally or unintentionally cause you pain, because no one is perfect. They might say hurtful words or don’t keep their word, but such happens in most relationships.

Read these 8 misconceptions about marriage and relationships

Danger of expectations in relationships

1. Superficial expectations that are not realistic

Be careful of the expectations that you set when entering into a relationship or marriage because they might be based on what you have watched or heard and not what is realistic. 

Media and friends can portray a perfect picture of what an ideal partner should do. Some of your expectations might be based on what you have observed from other couples, but remember that you are not seeing the complete picture because behind the scenes it might be something else. 

It is also important to note that perfection cannot easily be achieved by human beings because people are different and their upbringing and past experience can have an impact on how they express love.

2. They make you not to look within yourself

Expectations make you want a perfect partner who loves you and do things exactly the way you want. But do you also think of the expectations of your partner and if you are good at meeting them?

And if your partner was hard on you for failure to meet his expectations, how would you feel?

Let me show you an example. My man expects me to always be in heels, makeup, tight clothing, nice hair, cook nice food daily, be a great mom, make money, flat stomach, and always be in the mood for intercourse, but how practical is that? Because the moment I get home I remove my wig, and heels and even wash off my makeup before I go to bed.

On the other hand, I expect him to have a 6 pack stomach, be filthy rich, be hands-on with the kids and house chores, and spend money on me, but do you also think that is practical?

You can see that these are just high expectations that cannot be met and if we were all hard on each other, it means our relationship would not even have lasted a month. So you really need to carefully assess your expectations in a relationship list. 

3. You constantly feel disappointed by your partner

There is no one who is perfect, you are in a relationship with a human being and not a robot or a trained dog. So if you set very high expectations, expect to be highly disappointed. 

I remember someone saying that they have learned not to have expectations in their marriage, and since making that decision, they have become happier. 

4. You focus on the wrongs instead of the rights

The danger of expectations is that you focus on the wrong that your partner is doing, instead of embracing the things they do so well. 

So having expectations might end a relationship that could have given rise to a great partnership as you leverage on each other’s strengths and weaknesses. 

5. You don’t give yourself a chance to learn your new partner

When you enter into a relationship with expectations and you already have unfulfilled expectations, you might end the relationship or frustrate your partner with your demands.

But if you are open-minded, you get to know your partner better and even learn how to navigate them so that you extract the best out of them. 

6. You won’t have long lasting happy relationships

When you have an endless list of expectations in a relationship you will never have a lasting happy relationship. According to Susan Blackburn Psychology, expectations can be harmful to a relationship because they do not leave room for trust, acceptance, and patience. 

What are the 5 most important things in a relationship?

1. Intimacy

My top 5 most important things in a relationship would exclude sexual intercourse, but I know that this is number one for most men. And it is also important for some women too, that is why other people cheat when it is lacking in the relationship or when their sexual needs are not met.

2. Communication

For the relationship to be successful, communication is important. Also, to enjoy intimacy, you need to communicate your expectations to your partner.

3. Kindness

It is necessary to have a partner who is kind. This means they treat you right, they are caring and do thoughtful gestures for you. In other words, through them, you should be able to see why being in a relationship is better than being single.

4. Respect

Respect is key in a healthy relationship. If there is no respect in the relationship it means the relationship is toxic.

5. Quality time

It is important for couples to spend time together because that is how you get to learn each other and build a lasting friendship.

FAQ

What are reasonable expectations in a partner?

1. Honesty
2. Trust
3. Partnership
4. Emotional and mental support
5. Alone time
6. A trusting partner
7. Intimacy
8. Affection
9. Communication
10. Time

Female expectations in a relationship

1. Quality time
2. Affection 
3. To be appreciated
4. A faithful partner
5. Honesty
6. To be prioritized
7. To be given attention
8. Gifts
9. Act of service
10. Words of affirmation

Read more: 20 ways to make a woman happy

Guys expectations in a relationship

1. Respect
2. Intimacy
3. Support

Read more: How to make a man happy

What to expect from your boyfriend in a relationship?

• A boyfriend who spends time with you
• A boyfriend who talks to you daily
• Supportive boyfriend
• He shows you affection
• Friendship, you can talk to him about anything
• He makes you feel needed
• Availability, he is always there when you need him
• A faithful boyfriend, he does not cheat on you
• A boyfriend who treats you as an equal partner
• He expresses his love for you using his own love language