Have you discovered that your boyfriend that you love has cheated on you and you are wondering what to do next? Being cheated on is such a painful feeling, you can literally feel your heart being ripped out.
Cheating is quite common in relationships. According to an article in BBC, it says that 75% of men and 68% of women admitted to cheating in some way, at some point, in a relationship.
So if you are a victim of cheating, know that you are not alone. Many other women have also gone through it.
It can be easy to give someone else advice on what to do when a boyfriend cheats, but when you are the victim, it becomes complicated.
But always remember that when someone chooses to cheat on you, they are the problem and not you. Stop blaming yourself; there is nothing wrong with you and you didn’t do anything wrong.
There is really no overnight remedy to healing a broken heart. Even if you can hurt your cheating boyfriend or dump him, it might still take a while before you are happier again.
Table of Contents
- How To Deal With A Cheating Boyfriend That You Love
- Why Do I Still Want To Be With Someone Who Cheated On Me
- Painful Message To A Cheating Boyfriend
- What To Say To A Cheating Boyfriend To Make Him Feel Bad
- Text To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You
- How To Punish A Cheating Boyfriend Emotionally
- How To Make A Cheating Boyfriend Love You More
- How To Hurt A Cheaters Feelings
- How To Handle A Lying and Cheating Boyfriend
How To Deal With A Cheating Boyfriend That You Love
Here are the immediate things you should be doing after finding out that the boyfriend that you love has cheated or is cheating.
1. Allow yourself to feel the emotions
After discovering that your partner has cheated, it is okay to be vulnerable. Allow yourself to feel the emotions. It will feel like your heart has been stabbed, and it is normal to feel this way.
Cry if you have to, if you want to journal your feelings do so. If you feel like you have to speak to someone, go ahead.
2. Ask him questions
After finding out your boyfriend has cheated, you will have so many unanswered questions. Here are some of the questions you can ask a cheating boyfriend in order to get some closure.
Questions To Ask A Cheating Boyfriend:
- Why did you do it?
- Do you still love me?
- Did you use protection?
- Do you have kids with the women you slept with?
- How long were you together?
- Do you love her?
- What did she offer you which I could not give to you?
- Do you have other affairs?
- Is what we share based on a lie?
- What did you say about us to the other women?
His responses will help you assess if he regrets cheating and is serious about changing his ways.
3. Get tested for sexually transmitted diseases
If you have been intimate with him, you might want to get tested for sexually transmitted diseases so that you can protect yourself.
4. Don’t fight with the other woman
You might be tempted to contact the other woman and tell her to end things with your man. Don’t waste your time fighting with her, the person that you should be dealing with is your boyfriend. Chances are that she was also lied to by him, so you are both in the same boat.
If the person he cheated with is someone close to you like your sister or friend, then it is an exception to this rule because they already knew that he is your boyfriend.
5. Take your time to decide what you want
Many women are quick to say it’s over after finding out about their boyfriend’s cheating only to see them back together a few days later.
It is normal to feel confused, betrayed, and want nothing to do with your cheating boyfriend. And it is also normal to have mixed emotions about leaving the relationship or fighting for the relationship.
It is quite understandable because you still love this guy and you did not anticipate that he would cheat.
It is also normal to think that if he loved you he wouldn’t have cheated. And you might even be thinking that once a cheater always a cheater, so if you don’t leave he might hurt you again.
So days and weeks after discovering he cheated, a lot will be going on in your mind and you won’t have all the answers.
Read more: Should you give your relationship another chance after he has cheated
6. Talk to people you trust
You might want to talk to people that you trust. It can be your support circle, or even some of your family members who are mature, or even a colleague you trust, or even just a stranger.
When you talk to someone, it helps you share some of the load. Also, a third party is not emotional, so they can give you unbiased advice.
7. Don’t do anything you might regret
You might have fantasies of hurting him by cheating on him with your ex or a guy who wants you or his friend, but please don’t.
Some people say if a man cheats on you, you should cheat back, but I do not recommend you do that. Don’t change your values or morals because of him.
If you sleep with someone just because you want to spite your cheating boyfriend, you might live to regret it.
Also, don’t cause him bodily harm or damage his property.
8. Work on yourself
This is the most important part to your recovery. Know that you have no control over your boyfriend’s actions, but you have full control over your decisions. You can’t change him, but you can change yourself which is what you can control.
If you have partially contributed to his cheating, you will need to make the necessary changes.
As painful as it is, being willing to be open-minded and working together towards addressing the shortcomings can save the relationship and even make it better and stronger than before.
If the cause of his cheating has nothing to do with you, ask yourself these questions:
- Was he meeting 90% of your needs in the relationship?
- Before you found out that your boyfriend is cheating, how was your relationship?
- Without the knowledge of his cheating, would you rate him as a good boyfriend?
- If you never found our he is cheating, would you say you were in the relationship?
- What sacrifices have you made for this relationship?
- Did he block you from doing certain things?
- Did you neglect your image because you were too busy keeping the ship afloat?
- Did you neglect your friends and family because you were trying to be loyal to him?
Now use this as your chance to go back to the drawing board and find yourself again. Start to do the things that you love so that you will not have any regrets.
You should also consider doing these activities when dealing with a cheating boyfriend that you love:
- Start a blog
- Study the course of your choice
- Take up the job you love
- Go to gym
- Find a hobby
- Look beautiful and go out often
9. Forgive
Whether you are deciding to continue the relationship or you are ending it, it is imperative to forgive. When you forgive someone it doesn’t mean that you are a fool, it simply means that you don’t want to carry the load. You basically doing it for you and not for him.
If you give the relationship another chance, try not to remind him of his cheating.
10. Leave the rest to God
Ask God for strength and for him to heal you, because only He can transform things that are not within your control.
Why Do I Still Want To Be With Someone Who Cheated On Me
So you feel angry, betrayed, and disappointed that the person you love has cheated on you but you are wondering why you still want to be with him or her.
And when you read many relationship columns, they like the phrase, know your worth, if someone cheats on you they are not worth it.
Or maybe you have heard people saying that they will never stay with a cheater, once someone cheats on them it will be the end of the relationship.
Maybe you have heard others saying that guys never settle for a cheating woman, it’s only ladies who settle for cheating partners (which is not entirely true as I know men who chose to stay with their cheating partners.)
You might be wondering if you are stupid for wanting to give a chance to someone who has cheated on you. Maybe you might even have judged other people who opted to stay with their cheating partners but feel like your case is different. You feel like your love is deeper and you can get past the cheating.
You are quite normal if you still love and want to be with someone who cheated on you. Many couples have stayed with their partners.
According to stats in Elite daily, 54.5% of people broke up immediately after finding out their partner is cheating, while 30% tried to work things out but eventually broke up and 15.6% of the couples are still together even after cheating.
And here are some of the reasons:
1. You still love your partner
The reason why you still want to be with someone who cheated on you is because you are still in love with them. Just because someone cheated on you, does automatically make you fall out of love with them. The trust might be broken, but you don’t just decide overnight to stop loving someone.
2. They have apologised
So your partner might have apologized to you and told you that it is you that they love, the people they cheated with meant nothing to them.
And because love is patient and keeps no record of wrongs, you still want to be with them. And maybe besides the cheating, they were treating you well.
3. You hoping they will change
Another reason you might want to be with a cheating boyfriend is that you are hoping for the best. You are wishing that they will stop cheating.
4. You are scared of change
Change is hard. Breaking up with someone means that you have to be single and start over. And thinking of the years you have invested in the relationship, makes starting over hard. And you are also afraid that what if you end up with someone worse than your current partner.
You are thinking that maybe it is better to deal with the devil you know than the angel you don’t know. Or you might be relying on them for financial support which makes it hard.
5. You’re obsessed
It is possible for one to be obsessed. You just can’t see a future without them. So you feel it is better to deal with the cheating boyfriend than to deal with a breakup.
Painful Message To A Cheating Boyfriend
After finding out your boyfriend has cheated, you will definitely be angry, and the word angry is even an understatement. Here are some painful messages to send to a cheating boyfriend.
#1. Finding out that the man you love and the man who claims to love you has cheated, is such a painful experience. I thought I would never shed tears for a guy, but I never knew the pain of being cheated on or the intent behind it. I kept asking myself what I’ve done wrong, maybe there is something I could have done to prevent it from happening. But I finally came to the realisation that when someone cheats on you, it’s not about you but about them. You are the one with a problem and no one can help you fix it but you.
#2. I feel like our relationship has been going in circles. The first time I caught you cheating, I chose to give our relationship another chance because I saw potential in us. I thought since then, our love has grown stronger and become even closer than before. But when I caught you cheating this time, I was immediately certain that there is no future for us. It’s either you have a serious problem or you are not with the right woman. I don’t even want to hear an apology from you because giving you another chance means I am making room for you to hurt me over and over again.
#3. You like to say you’re sorry and that you love me. If you really loved me you wouldn’t have done anything to hurt me. You wouldn’t have brought in another woman, and you wouldn’t have put me at risk of sexually transmitted diseases and you wouldn’t have made me a fool. I know you are just sorry you got caught. You’re really such a great liar and I don’t believe a word you say anymore. Thank you for playing with my feelings. I might be in pain now, but this too shall pass.
#4. You’ve been trying to justify why you cheated and made it seem like I was the problem. Why couldn’t you address the deficiencies with me than supplement me with someone else? How would you feel if I also went outside when you can’t satisfy me? Remember what goes around comes around. But don’t worry it won’t be me giving you a taste of how it feels to be cheated on because it’s over between us.
#5. You’ve betrayed me in the worst possible way and there is no amount of words that can describe how I feel. It’s really painful because had it been physical pain, I would get it treated, but how do you treat a painful heart? I should have seen the red flags earlier but I was blinded by love. Just know that it is not the number of women you sleep with that makes you a real man.
#6. I remember us having a conversation over what a deal breaker would be in a relationship, and we both mentioned that infidelity by a partner would be a dealbreaker. But here we are now, you cheated on me, you’ve broken the trust. Goodbye!
#7. You are such a coward. So you want a faithful girlfriend while you want your bread buttered on both sides? I didn’t subscribe to such a relationship, it goes against my standards and principles. I’m a one-man woman and I can’t live with the thought that I am sharing my man. You should have just told me that our relationship is not working rather than stringing me along. Don’t even for once think that you are the best thing that’s ever happened to me, you don’t deserve me. Don’t contact me ever again.
#8. When I discovered that you were cheating on me, I was heartbroken. But then I remembered that I wanted to dump you earlier but I just didn’t know how to. So this whole situation just makes it easier. It’s over between us.
#9. I’ve been giving you a chance, always hoping that you will change and stop cheating. But it’s time I gave myself a chance to heal and move on from you. It’s time to put me first and choose not to settle.
#10. I’m sending you this message to let you know that I’m still too young to be sticking it out. I can’t stay with a cheating boyfriend. I can’t endure the painful effects of being cheated on. Plus we are not married so we did not vow ‘till death do us part or for better or worse”. I’m exiting this relationship.
Read more: Painful breakup texts for him
What To Say To A Cheating Boyfriend To Make Him Feel Bad
You really want to be careful with what you say to a cheating boyfriend or how you say it because a narcissist can make you feel even worse. He can even put the blame on you or trample on your confidence. These phrases will make a cheating boyfriend feel bad.
#1. I thought what we had was special, but I guess it was a bad assumption, but that is all in the past now.
#2. I thought our love was real but I can see it was just a game to you, player!
#3. Clearly, one woman can’t satisfy you and I don’t want to be one of your multiple women.
#4. It’s true when they say the ones we love the most are the ones who hurt us the most.
#5. You’ve torn my heart into a million pieces, I can’t stand the sight of you.
#6. The sight of you disgusts me. I can’t get the thought of you being with another woman out of my mind.
#7. As hurtful as it is now, it’s a blessing in disguise. I’m glad I found out now than later in the relationship. Like they say, a leopard never changes its spots.
#8. I hope you find what you are looking for because clearly, I’m not it.
#9. Cheating is never a mistake, it is a conscious decision.
#10. You should have told me that we are in an open relationship.
#11. How would you feel if your daughter or sister ends up with a cheating boyfriend like you?
#12. How would you feel if I was cheating on you?
#13. I feel betrayed, but I’d be a fool to let you betray me again.
#14. The trust is already broken and there is no way this can be repaired.
#15. You won’t have to tell lies anymore because it’s over between us.
#16. I hope the woman you’ll love with all your heart cheats on you as you’ve done to me.
#17. I loved you, but love alone is not enough to sustain a relationship.
#18. You’re not sorry, you’re just sorry you got caught.
#19. One day you will realize that you took my love for you for granted. But as for now, enjoy being boss.
#20. I loved you, but then cheating came into the picture and changed how I feel about you.
Text To Make Him Feel Guilty For Hurting You
#1. I’m hurting from your recent actions. I hope one day you’ll feel guilty and realise that you destroyed a good relationship with your careless decisions.
#2. I was searching for the best text to make you feel guilty for hurting me. But I’ve realised it’s not worth it. I forgive you, but I can’t forget.
#3. You really hurt my feelings, I’m beyond disappointed in you.
#4. I feel so hurt, love shouldn’t hurt this much.
#5. I still can’t believe that you, out of all people, have done this to me.
#6. Why didn’t you just break up with me if you no longer loved me?
#7. I’m really not in the mood to talk to you right now. Give me some space.
#8. I don’t want to be hurt by you again. Stop calling me.
#9. I don’t want to see you.
#9. We better off separated, you keep hurting me. It’s time I preserved my heart, I only have one of it.
#10. I’ve tolerated your toxicity for way too long now, but it ends here.
#11. If you really loved me the way you claim to, you wouldn’t have hurt me this bad.
#12. When you said that you would never hurt me, I was foolish and naïve enough to believe you with all my heart. Now I know that you were feeding me with empty promises that you never meant to keep.
#13. I never really knew what it was like to be hurt until I met you. You seem to have made the act of hurting people into an art form.
#14. I sacrificed a lot for you, yet you took my love for you for granted. Thank you for all tears and wet pillows you’ve brought into my life.
#15. Maybe it’s time I accepted that this relationship is not working. The love is one-sided. I’ve given it my all, there is nothing I’ve never done for you. But yet you still betray me like this?
#16. The pain I feel right now, I wouldn’t even wish it on my worst enemy. You’ve really hurt me.
#17. People told me that you were going to hurt me, but I blocked the voices because I loved you, and thought the love we shared was special. But now you’ve just proved them right.
#18. If this is what love is, constantly being hurt by the one person you love, then can I please fall out of love?
#19. What’s a cure for a broken heart? Your actions really broke my heart. I trusted you.
#20. I was hoping that you’d see how much you’ve hurt me and make amends, but maybe I’m expecting too much from someone like you.
How To Punish A Cheating Boyfriend Emotionally
After your caught your boyfriend cheating, it is normal to feel like you have to hurt him or punish him for betraying your trust and hurting you.
You really want to be careful what you do or say to him, especially if there is a slight chance that you might continue with the relationship.
Please don’t badmouth him to his boss or embarrass him on social media, it’s really not worth it. But here are acceptable things you can do to punish a cheating boyfriend emotionally.
1. Ignore his calls and texts
One of the ways to punish a cheating boyfriend emotionally is by avoiding his calls and texts. After finding out he’s cheated he will want to apologise and justify himself and expect you to forgive him.
So if you don’t give him a chance to speak, he will not know what you are thinking and that will eat him up.
2. Refuse to meet up with him
Your cheating boyfriend will want to meet up with you, so as punishment you can refuse. By allowing him to speak to you, you’re affording him an opportunity to speak to you and clear his conscious. So if he feels like he’s lost you, that is punishment on its own.
3. End the relationship
You may also end the relationship. Terminating a relationship is the best punishment because when a guy cheats, he thinks he won’t get caught meaning that he did not want to lose you. So if you tell him that it’s over he will feel like the biggest loser.
4. Take back your belongings and give him his belongings
If you had belongings at his place, collect them and while at it, also give him back his belongings. So that he does not use coming to collect his belongings as an excuse to come and see you.
5. Don’t accept his gifts
He might want to give you a gift to show you how sorry he is for hurting you, but don’t accept it. He’ll feel bad that he wasted money.
6. Send him a text to make him feel guilty for hurting you
You may also send him one of these texts to make him feel guilty for hurting you.
7. Make him jealous
You can also make him jealous. Men don’t like it when their women receive attention from other guys. So if your guy friends can come to the rescue and make him think that you are close to other guys, it will hurt him emotionally.
8. Look happy and prettier than before
Let him see you pretty and happy without you. Dress sexy, and do your makeup but don’t let him touch you.
9. Have the upper hand in the relationship
Do things at your own pace and not his pace. Make demands and do what makes you happy and not what makes him happy.
How To Make A Cheating Boyfriend Love You More
These tips are self-care and self-love tips that will make you love yourself more and even your cheating boyfriend won’t be able to resist you. Plus it won’t only be your cheating boyfriend who will love you more, you will attract other men.
1. Get some space
After your boyfriend has cheated, it might feel like you have to be with him 24/7 so that he does not get a chance to cheat on you. But if you want him to love you more, you should do the opposite. Take a break from the relationship and act like you don’t care about his presence anymore.
2. Do things that will make you gain your confidence
After being cheated on by your boyfriend, your esteem will take a knock because you will feel like you are not good enough.
You might even begin to second-guess yourself and feel like your life is a lie. You might become too insecure and paranoid.
But if you make a few changes to your life, you can overcome these insecurities.
You can start by focusing on your appearance, fitness and wellness. Exercising can be therapeutic, help you feel lighter, and help you reach your fitness goals.
Also, a change of hairstyle, wearing clothes that suit your body, doing your nails, putting on some makeup, and wearing heels, then you go out, will help boost your confidence.
If you look great you will feel great. And it will also help you get compliments from other people. And the attention you will get from the streets will make you feel beautiful and wanted.
But you just want to be careful not to fall for them because they might just want to sleep with you.
3. Work towards your independence
Do something that can help you generate your own income. Start a business, be a blogger, find a job, and upgrade yourself so you can find a better-paying job. Once he sees that you don’t need him, he will need you.
4. Revive friendships and make new ones
Most women neglect their friendships when they are in a relationship. Revive those old friendships and make new ones, because the bigger the circle the better.
Once he sees that your focus is not solely on him, he will love you even more.
5. Have fun
Live your life and do the things that you’ve always wanted to do. Remember you are not married so you don’t really need his approval, and he didn’t ask for your approval before he cheated.
6. Find your purpose
When you are living your purpose, that is when you live a meaningful life.
Discovering your purpose will help you ignore your cheating boyfriend because you will no longer be moved by what he does with his life since you are also focusing on your lane.
Living your purpose includes, but is not limited to, mentoring young people, forming a charity organization, inspiring people with your story or gifts, and fighting for a cause you believe in; the list is endless.
7. Find a hobby
It is necessary to have a hobby if you want him to love you. Go play some sport, swim, cycle, or you can even learn how to bake.
Do whatever you can do to keep yourself busy consistently.
This will keep your time and mind occupied and it will help you meet new people.
Also, when he sees that he has to complete for your time, that is when he’ll love you even more.
8. Get help
Having someone that can help you unpack your feelings, can make a difference. You might want to see a therapist in your area.
Sometimes what you need might be someone to help you work through the root cause, which can help address the deficiencies in your relationship.
How To Hurt A Cheaters Feelings
The best way to hurt a cheater’s feelings is by putting yourself first. Normally in relationships, we make sacrifices and compromises. We want to prove to our partners that we love them. But after someone has cheated on you, there is nothing more to lose because you have already lost them.
The best way to hurt a cheater’s feelings is by depriving them of what they want, which is your love. If they can no longer have you, they will be deeply hurt.
How To Handle A Lying and Cheating Boyfriend
When you have a lying and cheating boyfriend, it is better to assume that he is lying and cheating unless proven otherwise. In this way, you are protecting yourself from being hurt when the truth finally comes out.
And if he is lying and cheating while you are still dating, what will happen when you are married? So you can choose to distance yourself from such a relationship or you can accept his lying and cheating ways.
