I have seen relationships where it was very clear that the couple has a very unhealthy relationship and I’d think to myself if it is not better if they just separated. But there also those relationships which seem perfect from the outside and people admire the couple but behind closed doors, it has many signs of an unhealthy relationship.

There is a very thin line between an unhealthy and toxic relationship. If an unhealthy relationship is left untreated, it can become toxic. All toxic relationships are unhealthy.

You might be reading this article because you are wondering if what is happening in your relationship is normal or not. Many relationships have unhealthy elements to them, but just because they are unhealthy it doesn’t mean that people will end the relationship, just like many of us still continue to eat unhealthy food although we know that it is unhealthy.

In this article I have are signs of an unhealthy relationship, effects of an unhealthy relationship as well as signs of a healthy relationship.

15 Signs of an unhealthy relationship

1. Your partner ghosts you

One of the signs of an unhealthy relationship is having a partner who does not check up on you or respond to your calls or text. Your partner can disappear for days and expect the relationship to be normal when they resurface. Although they apologize, they continue with such behavior.

2. Cheating has become normalized

Any form of cheating in a relationship is wrong. But when the cheating becomes so public and visible to the point where the partner accepts it, feels unwanted, or feel like they are competing with the other person, then that is a sign of an unhealthy and toxic relationship. Also, if the other party resorts to cheating just because their partner also cheated, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

3. The relationship is violent

If the relationship has become violent, then it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Adults or people who are in love or in a partnership cannot resolve conflict through violence. No one has a right to lay their hands on another person, no matter what wrong they have done or how angry they can be.

If you ever think that your partner had a valid reason to hit you or if you justify why you had to punch him or her, then you are in an unhealthy toxic relationship. Adults should resolve conflicts amicably and take some time off if the situation cannot be resolved rather than being violent.

4. The partner is possessive

If it seems and feels like your partner owns you, then it is a great sign of an unhealthy relationship. A possessive partner will make you feel like you are an object to be owned and paraded. He or she expects you to behave in a certain way because they own you. You have to do what he or she wants at the exact time when they want it. You do not have any rights or a say in the relationship.

5. A partner who is too jealous

If it is a big deal to your partner when you receive attention from the opposite gender, then that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. For example, an acquaintance of the opposite gender greets you and makes small talk then your partner accuses you of cheating.

6. A controlling partner

If you feel like you are suffocating and you cannot exercise free will in the relationship, it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.  There are many signs of a controlling woman and a controlling man. People who are controlling will want to decide everything for you like what you wear, who you hang out with, where you go, where you work, what time to be home etc.

7. You give up your entire life and dreams for a relationship

If you were forced to give up your own life and ambitions so that your partner can be happy, it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Relationships are better when partners can exercise their independence and meet each other halfway. For example you might have career ambitions but your partner does not want you to advance yourself.

8. You are always emotional

If you are always emotional, angry or always crying in the relationship, then it can be a sign that you are in an unhealthy relationship. A normal relationship has more good days than bad days.

9. No open communication

If you are scared to speak your mind to your partner because you fear his or her reaction, it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. You never feel free around your partner, you are always worried that you might say the wrong words. You can never even make suggestions in the household or in terms of spicing up your love life because you fear his or her reaction.

Your partner does not admit when they are wrong or when they have hurt your feelings. Your partner easily gets angry and gives you silent treatment.

10. Lack of support from your partner

When your partner does not give you emotional, physical and financial support, then it is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Examples of lack of support includes, having to run the household alone although you have a partner, your partner does not support the kids, your partner does not support your dreams, and when you need him or her the most like you are sick or have a family emergency, he or she is unavailable.

11. You hide things from your partner

If you hide things from your partner or your partner feels the need to hide things from you, then it can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship.  If your or your partner feels like they need to omit certain information like their income, who you were with, or even how you spent your money, then there is a cause for concern.

12. Third parties run the relationship

If it feels like the relationship is being run by external parties like your partner’s parents, siblings or friends, then that is a sign of an unhealthy relationship. If a man or woman says words like “my mom thinks we should…” although it can be coming from a good place it is unhealthy. Rather own up such words and make them seem like your own.  

13. You always question if you are good enough

When your partner has crushed your esteem and you always question if you will ever be good enough, then you are in an unhealthy relationship. Sometimes you even question your sanity because your partner has gaslighted you so many times.  

14. You give more than you receive

Being with a selfish partner can be a sign of an unhealthy relationship. Your partner is with you just for financial gain or sexual benefits. Such a person is always asking you for money or they only want to see you when they itch for sexual activities. A partner who is after your money won’t even care if you are drowning in debt, as long as you buy them what they want.

15. Your partner disregards your feelings

Your partner can say or do anything to you anyhow, even if it will hurt your feelings. They have speech diarrhea and don’t respect anyone’s feelings. Such a partner can even humiliate you in public, your close circle and even in front of your kids.  

Effects of unhealthy relationships

If an unhealthy relationship is not managed, it can have long term and short-term psychological effects. Being in an unhealthy relationship can eventually lead to the following for the victim:

• Stress
• Weight gain due to binge eating
• Weight-loss due to stress and lack of appetite
• Lower self-esteem
• Loss of purpose
• Depression
• Mental health
• Heart diseases and high blood pressure
• Addiction to drugs and alcohol
• Suicide attempts
• Physical abuse which can even lead to death
• Generational cycle of unhealthy relationships by kids when they constantly witness the behaviour of their parents.

6 Signs of a healthy relationship

1. Your partner checks up on you

One of the signs of a healthy relationship is a partner who cares for you. A caring partner will check up on you, he or she will not ghost you or disappear without a valid reason.

2. You are together but lead separate lives

When you are in a healthy relationship you are partners but still independent and lead separate lives. You all still have your own friends, own dreams, own thoughts etc.

3. You give and you receive

In a healthy relationship, both partners give and both partners receive. Both partners serve one another and strive to make each other happy while not compromising themselves in the process. A relationship where only one party benefits is a sign of an unhealthy relationship.

4. You grow in the relationship

A sign of a healthy relationship is that you grow and not dwindle in a relationship. Your confidence increases and even release your unknown potential. Your partner also supports you in your endeavors.

5. There is open communication

You are open to your partner about what you want, how you want it, how you prefer to be treated, your aspirations, fears, strengths, and weaknesses. You know what you say will not be used against you and your partner will not take advantage of you.

6. You resolve conflicts

Disagreements do exist in any normal relationship, but it is about how you resolve them. In a healthy relationship, conflicts are resolved without using violence, manipulation or making the other person feel small. When someone is wrong, they apologise and they forgive. They don’t use your past wrongs against you.