15 Reasons relationships change after marriage

Many people ask this question, “why do relationships change after getting married?” It does not make sense because you are still with the same person that you were dating, and sometimes you even stayed together but boom, after marriage, the relationship takes a turn for the worst.

A relationship only becomes recognized by God, ancestors or even the law only once you are married. Before then, everything else is just seen as pushing time. Even if you can be in a relationship for 10 years, share a child together or even be life partners, until you are married, your union is not recognised.

Read more: To get married or to be life partners?

If you read the bible from Genesis 2:24 it says “Therefore shall a man leave his father and his mother, and shall cleave unto his wife: and they shall be one flesh.”

There was a video that was trending of a woman who started manifesting when her boyfriend was about to put the engagement ring on her finger. The forces didn’t want her to get married but they allowed her to date. This just shows you that the decision to get married has more weight in the spiritual realm than the decision to date.

So people should not expect the relationship to stay the same after getting married because there is good and bad forces that you attract.

Here are other reasons why relationships change after marriage

1. You become family members

Once you are married, you are no longer just lovers but a family. Your wife takes on the role of a sister, mother and sometimes even a daughter, while a husband takes a role of a dad, brother and son.

After marriage, a man starts to realise that he is married to someone who has similar qualities to his mom, and often this person also wants to treat him like a child. A woman also feels like she is married to her dad, and dads are overly protective when it comes to their daughters.

2. You are also in a relationship with the in-laws

During the dating phase, it was only just the two of you, but after marriage, you are also in a relationship with your spouse’s family. The in-laws have their expectations which adds pressure to the relationship.

In the African culture, a woman becomes a “makoti” and a makoti is expected to do wifely duties and domestic duties, despite her level of education.

Also, the https://provoke.co.za/vat-n-sit/woman’s family or the man’s family might want to control how things are run in the household. Whilst before marriage, there was no one interfering with the relationship.

3. Not used to spending too much time together

Some couples already stay together before marriage, but for many, they have never spent an entire month under one roof before getting married. Now you are exposed to the good, bad, and ugly including their bad habits.

Read more: Why Vat ‘n sit (cohabiting) is recommended

4. Couples neglect their appearance

After marriage, you might have noticed that many people gain weight. I have gained weight, even hubby has gained a lot of weight. After marriage people neglect their appearance because they feel comfortable. And because the image that attracted you to the person has changed, you might no longer find them as attractive.  

5. Conversations become household talks

During the dating phase, conversations are interesting, you tell each other a bunch of sweet lies. After marriage, the talks are about asking your partner if they did not forget to pay for the utility bill, school fees or what has to be fixed or discussing the kids, if your food is ready or shirt has been ironed or your stressful boss at work.

6. After marriage you gain a boss

Marriage is a job and when you get married you automatically have a boss, and many people don’t like their bosses because they control them. After marriage you need to ask for permission to exercise your freedom, you cannot act as if you are still single.

Read more: Marriage is a job. If you want a boss get married

7. You partner’s decisions affect you

Before marriage, your partner’s decisions did not really affect you, but after marriage, all those decisions will have a direct impact you. If your partner is a breadwinner, or has other kids outside the marriage, or is a mama’s boy or daddy’s girl, you will feel the impact thereof.

8. Change in priorities

After getting married the priorities shift. During the dating phase the goal is to get married, but after getting married the goal post shifts. The focus changes to being able to take care of the household and to make enough money to provide for the family.

9. True colours are revealed

During the dating phase, some people live a fake life in order to impress their partner and not ruin their chances of getting married to them. But after marriage, they feel like they can’t lose anymore because their mission of getting married has been acomplished.

This is the reason why others complain that after marriage their spouse changed and became abusive, controlling or too cheeky. While others only find out later that their partner lied about their age, job, kids, or even financial status.

10. You develop brotherly love for your partner

After getting married, couples stop showing each other affection. Couples no longer hold hands, kiss, tell each other they love or miss each other. You no longer have the feeling of “being madly in love” or have heart palpitations, butterflies at the sight of your partner.

Marriage shifts the relationship to brotherly love. In the black community, your husband even addresses you as the mother of the child instead of a pet name. If your child’s name is Melissa he’ll call you Melissa’s mom.

11. Sex life becomes boring

For some couples, sex life improves after marriage while for some it becomes very boring. The frequency, duration, intensity, fourplay is no longer the same as when people were still dating. Sex is no longer a love-making opportunity but just a sleeping or relief mechanism.

Read more: Why sex before marriage can be great

12. Having kids changes the relationship

Not having kids in a relationship puts a strain on the relationship, but also having those bundles of joy is a source of frustration. Kids are physically, financially and emotionally taxing and once they are there, it becomes difficult to do the things that you used to do. Also, the kids become your first love and every decision that you make revolves around them.

Read more: Why the relationship changes after having kids

13. Different beliefs and culture

When people are still dating, the belief system does not influence the relationship. But once you are married the difference in the belief system will have a direct impact on you. For example if you are Christian and don’t believe in rituals but your husband’s family believes that certain rituals have to be conducted in your house or on your kids how do you handle it?

14. Warning signs were ignored

Maybe nothing has really changed, all the signs were there but you hoped it would go away after marriage. For example, you don’t like certain qualities about your partner but hoped things would change post marriage. You tolerated their irresponsible, disrespectful, and cheating behaviour, but after marriage, you are no longer willing to tolerate it.

Read more: Want to get married? 8 Misconceptions about marriage

15. Couples neglect their appearance

After marriage you might have noticed that many people gain weight. I have gained weight, even hubby has gained a lot of weight. After marriage couples become too comfortable and neglect their appearance. People stop making the extra effort to look good for their partner. And because the image that attracted you to the person has changed, you might no longer find them as attractive.