The journey to a perfect wedding is not an easy one, it is full of drama. Couples fight a lot during the weeks leading to the wedding and thoughts of calling off the wedding are not unheard of. It is full of disappointments, from family members to bridal party and even service providers. Even the weather is not wedding friendly at times.

There is a reality show on tv called “Our Perfect Wedding”, which showcases weddings of various couples. A lot goes wrong in those weddings, but at the end of the show, the couples still say that it was their perfect wedding because the elements that were a priority for them were “perfect”.

There is also no perfect marriage, but if your priorities are being met, then your marriage is perfect. It is difficult to find a perfect partner or perfect family in law, but if there are aspects about them that are good, then they should be embraced.  Read these 10 similarities between a wedding and marriage:

1. You are not in control

You are responsible for planning your dream but on the day of the wedding, you rely on other people to execute your plan. When I was getting married, there were times where I felt like I could just get up from the stage and fix things that were not going according to plan, but I couldn’t do that. I had to chill and look relaxed and convey the message through my bridal team.

In marriage, things will go wrong, and you will have no control over the actions of your spouse or other people, but you have control over how you react. When you encounter challenges you need to remain calm and find a way to resolve your issues properly.

Read more: Marriage misconceptions to watch out for

2. Weddings don’t keep to time

Many of the weddings that I have attended have all started very late. And once the wedding starts late the guests become grumpy because they eat late and some people leave even before the wedding ends.

Similar to a wedding, expect some delays in marriage. You might delay to fall pregnant, to get a job or to buy a car, or move into your own house. And when some of these things delay, it might cause conflict between the couple and family members.

3. Behind the scenes it is not as glamourous

During the wedding preparations, we fought a lot as a couple, but on the day of the wedding, everything looked picture perfect. I even fought with my family to have an intimate wedding, while they wanted something big. We had to deliberate on it until a compromise was reached.

Even in marriage, you will not see eye to eye on certain matters, but you will need to reach a compromise so that both parties can be happy. You also learn to communicate with each other when you are under enormous stress.

4. People disappoint you

At my wedding, some people that had RSVPed did not come to the wedding which meant that I lost over R500 per person on the unoccupied seats. I know that some people have experienced much worse; friends and family who had committed to help pulled out at the very last hour.

The same also happens in marriage. Your spouse, friends, and family will disappoint you but life still has to go on. Your spouse will often fail to keep his or her promises, but it is not the end of the world.

5. Requires more money than budgeted for

Weddings are very costly. In the weeks leading to the wedding, new costs creep up. Our wedding costs were R40 000 above budget and there was no turning back because the wedding invitations had already been sent out.

In marriage, a lot of money will be required. e.g. money to run the household, money for the kids, money for unforeseen expenses like repairs or funerals. Many couples don’t have an open relationship when it comes to finances which further adds to the strain of marriage.

Read more: How to deal with money problems in your marriage

6. You won’t meet everyone’s expectations

“The wedding was beautiful but …” are common comments that guests make after attending a wedding. No matter how beautiful a wedding can be, there will still be someone who complains about your dress, décor, music, speeches, or even menu, etc. It is impossible to please every guest. Some will even complain that they did not receive a first-class service.

The same goes for marriage, your in-laws, family or even your spouse may still fault you despite your efforts and good intentions.

7. You will forget to invite certain people

After the wedding, I realized that I had forgotten to invite numerous people and they were not impressed.  Life gets too busy and it is easy to forget to do or say the things which really matter in a relationship. As much as we blame others for not meeting our expectations, we often also disappoint others by not playing our part.

8. It is not picture perfect

The design of the dress that you show to your dressmaker and the actual dress might look different. Even the wedding cake can differ slightly from the picture you had in mind, but the guests won’t really spot the flaws.

In marriage, you will notice the flaws of your spouse, but the flaws do not warrant the end of a relationship. People will admire what you have because your relationship seems perfect, but you might fail to notice that what you have is a gold mine because of the flaws.  

Read more: Checks to do on your partner before getting married

9. The unexpected can happen

At a wedding, the unexpected can happen. Cakes can fall, there can be a funeral of a loved one on the day of the wedding and other people can threaten to stop the wedding proceedings.

Even in marriage, a lot can go wrong. You can be told the news that you never expected to hear like “I am in love with someone else”, or I have impregnated someone else or you learn that you are not the father to your kids.

10. You cannot pause, rewind or fast forward the moment

A lot can go wrong at a wedding and you will wish to undo the things which went wrong. In marriage, you will offend others and you will also be offended and at times suffer humiliation. You cannot go back in time but all you can do is to move on from the hurtful moment and try to prevent it from happening again.