With the high divorce rate, is it still necessary for couples to get married, or should opt to be life partners? If you are life partners you are still able to have a family set-up without incurring any wedding costs or signing marriage contracts.
Why I wanted to get married
My reasons for wanting to get married were very immature and selfish, here are some of them:
- To fulfill my childhood dream of having a wedding
- To be able to wear a ring on my ring finger
- Wanted to be able to have sex without feeling like I am sinning. At church I was taught that sex before marriage is a sin.
- I wanted to have kids but I didn’t want to feel judged for having a child out of wedlock
- To reduce my chances of being heartbroken due to being with men who only want to use or play me
- I wanted to gain my freedom so that my parents can stop treating me like a child
- To stop my family from being on my case about getting married
Difference between a life partner and a marriage partner
The difference between a life partnership and marriage is the contractual element thereof. Marriage is contractual while life partnership is not. During the life of the relationship, whether you are married or you are in a life partnership is irrelevant, because the effects of marriage only kick in during separation or death. Life partnership makes the process of exiting the relationship easier while marriage complicates it.
Life partnership gives you the right of use, meaning that you have access to companionship, but you do not have recourse should anything go wrong. Even if your partner is cheating on you have no leg to stand on because how do you know if you are not the partner that they are cheating with?
Read more on cohabitation benefits
Would you feel comfortable working without an employment contract?
Being a life partner is similar to waking up and going to work daily without signing an employment contract. The company can terminate your services at any time and you will have no recourse because it was never in writing.
We operate in the world of contracts, you can’t just take someone’s word. Someone saying that they love you and being with you daily is not enough. Without a marriage contract, your partner can easily turn on you and claim that they never loved you, you just decided to go and stay with them and make kids. Marriage is a decision that one makes with a sober mind in front of witnesses.
Marriage is like being permanently employed while life partnership is temporary employment
1. You have security
When you are permanently employed you tend to relax, you are less anxious about the future of the relationship. You feel like you have job security, although at some point companies do go through restructurings.
When you are a temporary worker anything can happen, you can be easily replaced by a permanent employee or the contract might not be renewed or extended. As a life partner, you are not certain if your partner is really committed to a long-term future with you, so you put certain things on hold.
If your boyfriend can ask you to quit your job and move to another state with him would you trust him to take care of you? But such sacrifices can be done if you are married because you have some form of assurance.
2. Termination of relationship does not happen overnight
When temporary employed, employment termination is easy, whilst for a permanent employee a legal process has to be followed. If you are not married, it easy to end the relationship because you can easily pack your bags, whilst with marriage termination requires divorce and this process does not happen overnight.
3. Sense of belonging and support structure
When you are permanently employed you are part of the organisation, if there are issues there are various communication channels that can be utilised. When you are married you become part of the entire family, if there are issues you can raise it with the family.
4. You have recourse
A permanent employee has pension and other benefits while a temporary employee doesn’t have. If you are married and you separate or divorce, the law will have to be applied but if you were only partners it can be difficult to make a claim.
A man might be with you for 10 years but when he meets the right woman he will leave you. If you separate, you will have no recourse, while you built a life centered around him.
Title after relationship
When the marriage ends you are regarded as a divorcee and you become an ex-wife or ex-husband. Whilst when a life partnership ends, you are regarded as single or an ex-partner. However if you had kids, you are regarded as baby mama or baby daddy after breaking up.
Conclusion
The relevance of marriage also depends on the stage that you are at in your life. If you had a bad experience with marriage, you might not want to get married again. But if you have never been married, marriage is something to look forward to.
If you want to get married, ensure that you know what you are getting yourself into. Be careful whom you choose to commit to because not everyone is husband or wife material.
Most of your reasons of getting married are the same as most girls and women.
It means many of us women think the same when it comes to marriage, I thought my reasons for wanting to get married were too shallow.