Breakups are painful and your friend or loved one may be going through it at the moment. Knowing how to comfort someone after a breakup or how to console someone after a breakup can be hard because it can be difficult to know what to say to them or how to cheer them up.
I remember when I went through a breakup, I was glad to have my friends by my side.
They took me to dancing clubs, but I was bored and ended up sleeping in the club. This was because I don’t like alcohol and I also do not know how to dance.
But I was grateful for their company because I did not have to face the first two days of the breakup alone. And they even drove me to my ex’s place to collect my items.
The first rule to comforting someone is to refrain from talking bad about their ex. Because there is a high chance that they might get back together and if it happens, you will become the number one enemy.
Table of Contents
- Why breakups hurt so bad
- How to comfort someone after a breakup
- How to comfort someone after a breakup over text
- What do you say to someone after a breakup?
- What not to say to someone after a breakup
- How do you cheer up someone who just broke up?
- What to say to a friend going through a breakup
- What to text a friend after a breakup
Why breakups hurt so bad
Breakups are equally hard, whether they broke up with you or you are the one who initiated the breakup.
Going through a breakup is the worst kind of feeling after a death of a loved one. It destabilizes you for a while because maybe you thought that you were going to spend your lifetime with this person.
You had revolved your plans around them, and even your schedule around them. So now when you are faced with a breakup it feels like you have lost a part of yourself.
Even if people can say that it is for the better, you will find someone else, it does not feel that way when you are still going through a breakup.
According to the Insider, Dr Bianchi says “Research has shown that regions of the brain that get activated in response to physical pain also get activated in response to a breakup. Whether we’ve broken a bone or gotten dumped, many of the same underlying neurological structures are involved. This translates to the conscious experience of being in pain.”
“In the immediate aftermath of a breakup, you experience abrupt chemical changes almost as we would a type of withdrawal — complete with ‘cravings’ to be reunited with our exes,” said Dr. Bianchi.
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How to comfort someone after a breakup
1. Be physically present for them
When a friend or someone goes through a breakup, the best thing you can do is to go and be with him or her. Presence is everything, even if you do not have the right words to say to them.
Even if she can say that she is fine, you should not worry about her, go and see her still.
What she’s texting might not be how she is feeling.
If you cannot be physically there for her due to distance, see if you cannot send someone who stays closer or a mutual friend to go and check up on her.
2. Give her a big hug
If you can, give her a hug. A hug indicates support, comfort, and consolation, particularly where words are insufficient. And also tell her that you are here for her.
3. Tell her it is okay to let her emotions out
Instead of telling her not to cry, encourage her to let her emotions out. Sometimes if you suppress your emotions, it might delay your healing.
4. Assure her that this is a safe space. If she wants to vent, she can do so without fear of being judged.
After the breakup, she might open up to you about the real state of the relationship. She might tell you that she used to give him a lot of money, or how he cheated multiple times on her, or he used to abuse her.
And you might think, how could she have allowed it to happen, why is she crying for such a person?
But during this time, you must keep your opinions to yourself. Don’t ask her questions or be judgemental, only offer her a listening ear.
5. Don’t minimize her emotions with trivializing statements
Do not make her emotions seem invalid when comforting someone after a breakup. Don’t tell her how she should or should not react because we all handle pain differently.
The relationship might have lasted 5 months or 5 years. And you might be thinking how could she be badly affected if the relationship only lasted 5 months and maybe met with him less than 6 times in those 5 months?
Your role is to support and hear her out and not to tell her how she should be reacting.
6. Ask how you can be of assistance
After the breakup, your friend might not be able to get out of the house, or even out of bed. So she might need help with taking care of some of her admin, going to the grocery store, or picking up some of the things that might be at her ex’s house.
So helping her with some of the day-to-day tasks can go a long way.
7. Suggest indoor activities that you can do
If she does not feel like facing people as yet, you can suggest certain indoor activities that she might be interested in.
You can order in food and watch some movies or Netflix shows with her. You can also play games like 30 seconds or other board games.
And if you are still working from home, you can work from her place instead of your place.
8. Suggest fun activities you can do to help her get out of the house
Someone who is going through a breakup might want to close themselves in the house. But a little bit of distraction is also necessary, it is a reminder that there is still life after a breakup.
You may take her out to church, a sporting event, to a comedy show, restaurant, dancing, solon, or even baking classes, the list of things you can do is endless.
9. Get her a gift
You can get her a gift as a way to comfort someone after a breakup. A gift will be a sign that you care. Check out the best breakup gifts here.
10. Check up on her often
Don’t only check up on her once, check up on her as often as possible. Text her every morning or evening to find out how she is coping. Some days call her, while other days you must just visit her. If possible, you can even suggest that she comes to your place.
11. Help her find professional help
If the breakup has really affected her badly and she seems not to be coping even months after the breakup, you can suggest she gets professional help.
And if she is keen on it, you can help her find the right therapist in her area.
How to comfort someone after a breakup over text
Need a message for a friend going through a breakup? This is what you can text
- “I’m sorry for what you are going through”
- “If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know”
- “If you need to talk, I’m here”
- “You’re in my prayers or you are in my thoughts”
- “May God give you strength”
- “As soon as I get a chance I will come and see you”
What do you say to someone after a breakup?
You might be wondering what words to say to someone after a breakup, or what to say to a friend going through a breakup. This is what you can say:
1. “I’m so sorry”
Sometimes the fewer words you say, the better. But sorry means you are showing concern and trying to imagine the pain they are going through.
2. “If there is anything I can do for you, let me know”
When you tell someone going through a breakup these words, it means you are available to show your full support. Your sorry is not just lip service, it is accompanied by acts.
3. “Are you home, I want to come see you”
If you have only spoken to her through the phone, tell her that you will visit her. During a breakup, someone’s presence means a lot. It is similar to when you have lost a loved one, someone coming to see you has more value than a text message or a call.
4. “I’m here for you”
When you arrive at her place, say to her “I am here for you.” These words mean that you have come to show your support.
5. “May God give you strength”
There are really no perfect words for someone going through a breakup. And sometimes the best words to say is a prayer.
So when you say may God give you strength, it means you are praying for strength for her to pull out of this difficult situation.
What not to say to someone after a breakup
1. “It’s good you broke up, I never liked him or her”
Never say words like it’s good you broke up or you never liked her boyfriend because if they happen to get back together, you will be an enemy.
2. “Don’t say any negative things about her ex”
Don’t say anything negative about her ex because you do not know what tomorrow holds.
They might just work things out and get back together. Even if she can say bad things about him, don’t agree or disagree with her, just offer a listening ear.
3. “Just move on”
Don’t tell someone that you are trying to comfort after a breakup to just move on or you will find someone else sooner than you think.
Such words are insensitive when someone is still hurt. Avoid offering any form of advice during this time.
4. “Refrain from talking about your relationship”
Don’t talk about your boyfriend or the plans you have with him or what he did for you. During a breakup, it might just sound like you are bragging to her.
How do you cheer up someone who just broke up?
1. Get her a gift
A gift can cheer up someone going through a breakup. Check out these great gifts to cheer someone up after a breakup here.
2. You can book her a mini getaway
You can take her out on a mini-vacation. I normally use booking.com to book most of my vacations because I always find it cheaper than other sites and I get discounts.
3. A spa treatment
You can book her into a spa for a massage, a facial or even to get her nails done. This will really cheer her up because a massage can release the tension on the muscles which have been caused by stress.
4. Shopping spree
You can go window shopping because you do not want to be spending all your money and not even have money for rent. But if you have money for a shopping spree, go ahead and do it.
5. Take her out for ice-cream
Cheering up someone going through a breakup does not have to be expensive. You can take them out for ice cream or even a milkshake.
6. Take her on a “date”
You can take her out for burgers, pasta, pizza, grills, or whatever they feel like. Such a thoughtful gesture will cheer her up.
7. Attend a show
You can attend a concert, or a musical performance, comedy show or whatever kind of show you think she may like.
8. Girls’ night out
You can doll up, dress pretty and go out as the girls. This will surely cheer her up.
9. Order in pizza and watch movies
You can also order in food, make popcorn and watch action movies, romcom, or any other type of movie they might enjoy. Or you can even watch a series.
10. Do adventure sports
You can take them out to do adventure sports like hiking, cycling, quad biking, etc
What to say to a friend going through a breakup
When a friend is going through a breakup it can be difficult to know what to say. But the lesser words you say, the better, especially about the situation they are going through. You can still discuss other topics, don’t only limit it to the breakup.
You can let your friend know how sorry you are. And you are here for her. And if there is anything you can do for her, she should let you know.
What to text a friend after a breakup
Need a message for a friend going through a breakup? This is what you can text
- “I’m sorry for what you are going through”
- “If there is anything I can do for you, just let me know”
- “If you need to talk, I’m here”
- “You’re in my prayers or you are in my thoughts”
- “May God give you strength”
- “As soon as I get a chance I will come and see you”
- “If there is anything you want to do, just tell me and we’ll do it.”
- “Hope you are hanging in there, let me know if you need anything”
- “How are you feeling at this moment?”
- “Hey, why don’t we go out …”
When. your friend is eventually ready, you can give them these moving on tips
