Are you wondering if you should be dating a man who is not financially stable? Or maybe you have already fallen in love with him and you have realized that he is broke, and you’re wondering if you should help him out financially or not.
You might also be wondering if you should be waiting for a man to be financially stable or if you should just break up with him.
I have always attracted people who were earning below me and not financially stable yet I loved them. They were the opposite of me because I am disciplined financially and never want to be broke. But the people I dated, were always on a negative and relied on loans from friends and loan sharks.
Some of the people I dated are still struggling financially while some have achieved financial stability.
Also, when I dated my husband, I was shocked when I discovered that he was not financially stable. But after assessing his reasons, and seeing that he had the potential to turn his situation around because he was driven in life, I decided to stick with him and now he is financially stable.
Table of Contents
- The reality of dating a man who is not financial stable
- What do you do when your partner is financially unstable?
- Is financial stability important in a relationship?
- Can a relationship be strong without money?
- Can financial problems destroy a relationship?
- Should you be waiting for a man to get financially stable?
- Should I help my boyfriend financially?
- Why is financial stability important in a relationship?
- Should a man be financially stable before marriage?
The reality of dating a man who is not financial stable
1. He won’t feel comfortable to commit
When you date a man who is not financially stable, it might take a while for him to want to get married and start a family. Most men are not comfortable getting married if they are still financially unstable.
So if as a woman you are already financially stable and ready to get married and have kids, dating a broke guy might delay such a dream from becoming a reality. You might have to wait for him for a couple of years to be financially stable.
And even once he is financially stable, there is no guarantee that he will choose to marry you.
2. He will borrow from you a LOT
When you’re dating a man who is not financially stable, be ready to be his sponsor or bank. He will ask you a lot of financial favors. It will even become impossible to do a budget and stick to it because he becomes your unforeseen or emergency expense every month.
3. He expects you to borrow him your assets
If you happen to be driving a better car than his, he expects you to take his car while he uses yours. And if you refuse, he gets angry and it affects the mood of the relationship. So you will have no choice but to borrow him. And he might even lie to people that the car is his.
4. He gets angry when you refuse to borrow him or remind him to pay
A man who is not financially stable normally gets angry if you refuse to give him or borrow him money. And if you do borrow him, once the time comes for him to repay you and you happen to remind him, he will get angry. So it is really quite tricky when dating a man with financial problems.
5. You’ll pay your bills and his bills
When you are dating a man who is not financially stable know that you will have to pay for all your bills plus some of his bills because his income is never enough. Even if you eventually stay together, he will contribute minimally in the household.
6. You make sacrifices in order to accommodate him
When you’re dating a man who is not financially stable, you might be forced to make sacrifices in order to accommodate him. You might be someone who likes travelling, or eating out, but when you are with him you might be forced to travel less because you know his financial situation and he might even feel like you spend on luxuries and not needs.
7. He might ask you to take out a loan for him
A guy who is financially unstable might already be blacklisted. So he might not be able to qualify for more loans. And he might ask you as his partner to buy him a car or get him a cellphone contract and he will pay you monthly or to be his surety.
But please be careful if your man asks for such a favor from you, it never ends well!
8. He’s too insecure
Some men who are not financially stable have insecurities. He will always make you feel bad for his financial instability. When you suggest something, he might say that you’re disrespecting him or making decisions without him because you earn more than him.
He will even be good at manipulating you so that your esteem can be crushed, and such tactics will ensure never that you never leave him even if you see that he’s not the right man for you.
Could your partner be gaslighting you because of his insecurities? Read these signs of gaslighting in a relationship.
9. He might be using you for money
As much as there are women who are gold diggers, who use guys as tickets out of poverty, there are also men who are gold diggers. So when dating a man who is not financially stable there is such a risk. You never know if he loves you for real or if he loves you for what he can get out of you.
10. You have to be very understanding
As a girlfriend or a wife to a man who is not financially stable, you are expected to be understanding. You must understand that you might never get the kind of gifts that your friends get. Or you might not get that expensive gift for your birthday, you have to settle for what he can afford. So for anything nice that you need, you will have to do it yourself or wait until he can afford it.
And if he does something nice for you, you know that before month-end, he will borrow money from you. So basically, you end up financing his thoughtful gestures.
Read more: 10 Mistakes women make in relationships
What do you do when your partner is financially unstable?
1. Understand why he is financially unstable
It is important to understand first why your partner is financially unstable. Is it because they lost their job or their business is not doing so well? Maybe he had a family emergency and was forced to borrow money?
Or is your partner financially unstable because of his bad spending habits like gambling or wanting to live a flashy life that is above his means?
2. Find out what he is doing to sort out his financial situation
It is important to ask him how he plans to come out of his bad financial state. Has he reduced his spending so he can settle some of his debts, is he looking for another job or pursuing an education so he can get a better-paying job? Does he have a side hustle so he can make more money?
3. Help him with ideas
If he seems to genuinely love you and he really wants a future with you but the problem is money, then help him with ideas and not money. Suggest ways on how he can improve his financial wellness and teach him the tricks that you use.
4. Don’t help them with money (yet)
Most financial problems are not a result of not having enough money but as a result of a person’s behavior.
Some people are not financially stable because they are lazy to work, so even if you can give them money it will run out. While others earn enough money but hate to see money in their accounts, so they will live above their means.
So sometimes money is not really an answer to one’s problems. You should rather help them deal with the root cause than deal with the symptoms. Remember that it is not your fault that they are in that financial situation, so don’t feel obliged to be their savior.
5. Discuss your expectations
Money is not a nice topic, but it must be discussed. You have to discuss what you expect from a partner and how you will be splitting expenses. Read more on how to deal with financial problems in your relationship.
6. Make decisions together
Don’t make major financial decisions without consulting your partner even if you can easily afford it. Involve him in your plans because a relationship is a partnership. If there is a house that you like or a certain holiday destination that you would want to try out, put it on the table before going ahead with the transaction.
7. Treat them with respect
Treat your partner with respect. Don’t emasculate him just because he is not financially stable. If he loves you, treat him with respect.
Is financial stability important in a relationship?
Yes, financial stability is important in a relationship as much as money is important in running a household.
If a man is not financially stable, it means he’s overburdening his woman in that relationship. And if they have kids, the woman will have to take care of herself, him, and the kids.
This does not mean that you cannot be in a relationship if one of the parties is not financially stable, although financial stability will mean that the relationship has one less problem.
Financial security is one of the most attractive traits to have in a partner, according to a survey conducted by OnePoll on behalf of Life Happens, selected by 42% of respondents.
If it was really our choice, we would all want to date a financially stable man but sometimes we fail to attract them and settle for what is available or the heart loves those that are broke.
Can a relationship be strong without money?
Yes, some relationships can be strong without money. I have seen relationships where the couples had money yet the relationships still failed.
Money is not the only contributor to making a relationship strong or successful. The relationship still needs communication, quality time, friendship, love, and respect.
Some people believe that if their partner can have money, the relationship will be stronger but some relationships get weaker after money because that is where the person’s true colors are revealed.
Can financial problems destroy a relationship?
Yes, financial problems can definitely destroy a relationship. According to the survey of the CDFA, money issues are the third leading cause of divorce in America after incompatibility and infidelity.
So the other problems that the relationship might suffer like poor communication, lack of intimacy, constant arguments, stress, infidelity, etc, might be as a result of the financial problems.
Should you be waiting for a man to get financially stable?
It is important to do a proper assessment before deciding if you should wait for him to be financially stable or not.
There are people that I‘ve dated even now over a decade later, they are still not really financially stable, so imagine if I’d waited for them to get financially stable.
First, assess if this person really loves you and if he does talk of marrying you. If you don’t feel like he loves you and it is you who has to beg for his love, then please don’t wait for him. Because even if you do wait for him and he becomes financially stable, he still won’t marry you.
Secondly, what is he doing to improve his financial situation? Are there tangible plans in place or he is just waiting on luck or fate? If it seems like he is working hard to come out of his bad financial situation, then you can wait for him.
Thirdly, don’t get too desperate. You might be in a rush to get married and have kids and you end up paying for all your wedding costs and ring or even the bridal price if you are African, but please avoid it because it might come back to bite you.
Is my boyfriend using me financially?
If you’re already asking yourself if your boyfriend is using you financially, there is a high chance that he is.
Here are some signs he is using you financially:
- He moves in with you
- He keeps borrowing money from you
- He wants you to take out loans on his behalf
- He wants you to fund his ventures
- He’s unemployed and not driven in life
- He wants to live a flashy life at your expense
Read more: 15 Signs a man is using you for money
Should I help my boyfriend financially?
You can help your boyfriend financially but within reasonable limits. Many women have helped their boyfriends financially only to be left heartbroken and with too many debts.
Do not think that if you help your boyfriend financially you are buying his love, because you can never bribe your way into a man’s heart.
So even if you do help him, accept that there is a form of risk because he might still cheat on you or marry someone else.
If you do help, help him with finances minimally, but offer him loads of physical and emotional support.
Why is financial stability important in a relationship?
Love alone cannot sustain a relationship; that is why financial stability is important in a relationship. Many relationships have ended because of money problems.
And remember, when you are in a relationship you will still need shelter, food, and transport. And if you decide to bring kids into the world, you don’t want them to suffer. So it is important to have your finances in order when you are in a relationship so that you do not put a strain on your partner or the people depending on you.
Should a man be financially stable before marriage?
It is ideal for a man to be financially stable before marriage, but it is always not possible. And some men only manage to achieve stability after getting married because of the influence of their wives.
And because they are married, they become grounded, disciplined, motivated to provide for their family, and even share some costs with their wives, which helps them achieve financial stability. Read these 9 benefits of marriage for a man
