You have just caught your partner red-handed or have received texts or calls from the person they are cheating with, or you have found evidence of their cheating through their cellphone or other means. What goes through your mind, how do you process such data of betrayal and still remain sane?

Finding out that your partner has been cheating or lying is one of the worst feelings ever because you can’t just hit the reset button and forget what you have seen or heard.

Being cheated on makes you feel like your heart has literally been ripped apart. Though it might be painful at the moment, know that it is not the end of the world, you can definitely overcome it.

4 Things not to do after discovering your partner’s infidelity

1. Don’t destroy him or her

Yes, they have hurt you, you have every right to be angry, but don’t do anything that you will later regret.

Don’t break anything and don’t destroy his property or belongings. Don’t damage their body or pour hot water on them. Also, it is not wise to tarnish their image on social media or to their associates or employers.  Such actions can complicate the relationship further and delay your healing time.

2. Don’t kill your partner

There are people who have killed their partners because they found out that they were cheating. Please don’t be one of them, violence is never a solution.

Stay away from all sorts of potential weapons during this time including your house knives. Don’t even try to scare him or her with a weapon because you might unintentionally use it.

3. Don’t attack the person they are cheating with

Don’t attack the person that there are cheating with because chances are that you are both being lied to. In most cases, men lie to the women they sleep with and give them hope that the relationship is real.

Don’t be dramatic and beat up his mistress or send her nasty messages, because you will be fighting this battle the wrong way. The person whom you should be confronting is your partner.

4. Don’t blame yourself

Don’t blame yourself for your partner’s actions because there is nothing that you can do to prevent someone from cheating. People cheat for many reasons other than feeling neglected in the relationship.

Read more on reasons why men cheat.

9 actions to take after you have been betrayed by your partner

1. Calm down and process what you have just discovered

Calm down and take very deep breaths. Taking deep breaths will help slow down your heart rate and reduce your stress levels.

You have every right to be angry when you find out that your significant other has been lying to you. Go ahead and process those emotions, don’t block them. Cry if you need to, shout if you have to.

2. Talk to your partner, ask them questions

When you feel ready, talk to your partner. Ask him questions. Find out what are his or her reasons for cheating.

Though your partner might not answer all your questions or even answer them truthfully, talking really helps, it will help you find closure.

Brace yourself because some partners might blame you for their behavior, but assess to see if their points are valid or not.

3. Be around people who care about you

To avoid having an overactive imagination, you might want to be around people. Surround yourself with friends or family so that you do not spend the entire day crying.

4. Get tested for STIs

Go to your healthcare provider and test for STIs so that you are able to find out earlier on if you might have contracted a disease so you can start treating it earlier.

5. Focus on being a better version of yourself

Find something that will keep you occupied. This is the time to start a hobby or implement goals that you had put on hold. You can even join a sports club, volunteer your services, start exercising, and even perfect your cooking and baking skills.

Choose to develop yourself during this time by enrolling for a course, reading meaningful material, or even watching motivational videos. Focus on upgrading yourself because you have no power to change the next person.

Certain situations are meant to shake you up so that it can take you out of your comfort zone.

6. Think of a way forward but don’t make drastic decisions

You will have to decide if you still want to give the relationship another chance or if you want to move on. Don’t make hasty decisions, give yourself time to ensure that you are making the right decision.

Read more on deciding to give the relationship another chance or not.

It is worth noting that some relationships do recover from cheating incidents while some don’t. For some, the relationship even becomes better than it was before the cheating incident.

If you decide to stay, you should also know that the cheating might still continue. The fact that they got caught might not stop them from cheating again, they will just try to be more discreet so that they do not get caught again.

7. Say a prayer

There are certain battles that are beyond human strength since humans are both physical and spiritual beings. Prayer can bring about a certain level of peace, give it a try.

8. Go for counseling if necessary

If you feel the need, speak to an independent person who will help you unpack your issues. Because if the issues are not properly dealt with, the relationship will go in circles.

9. Choose to forgive

Whether you decide to stay or move on, you should forgive your partner. When you choose to forgive, you are doing yourself a favour, because you take back your power. When you forgive, you let go of the feeling of anger, bitterness, and hatred in exchange for peace and joy.