I grew up in an environment where it was always preached that sex before marriage is a sin and you must keep yourself for marriage.

Growing up, I have come to realize that whether you maintain your virginity or not, it is irrelevant. Life does not favor you based on what you do or don’t do.

Keeping yourself for marriage will not make you immune to marital problems, but it can protect you from a catastrophic heartbreak before marriage.

Advantages of not having sex before marriage

If every person would commit to no sex before marriage, this would be the outcome:

1. No women would be played by men who only want to use them for sex.
2. It would mean fewer cases of infidelity because cheaters would have no one to cheat with.
3. No teenage pregnancies or children out of wedlock.
4. There would be fewer abortions.
5. There would be fewer cases of Sexually Transmitted Diseases (STDs)
6. Only a few children would be in orphanages
7. There would be minimal baby mama and baby daddy drama

However let us be realistic, it is only a small number of people who abstain until they are married. Most people who also preach no sex before marriage, have also failed at it.

Is cohabiting a good idea? Read more

Disadvantages of keeping yourself for marriage

1. You marry too early just to avoid having sex out of wedlock

People get married at a young age or before they are ripe for marriage to get the religious blessing to have sex. They are not told that losing virginity is something that happens over a few minutes, while marriage is a lifetime commitment.

Read more on what to consider when deciding to get married

2. There is no guarantee that your partner will also be a virgin

The person that you decide to keep yourself for might be very experienced, there is no guarantee that you will marry a virgin. And because they are very experienced, and you are still a learner, they might not find you sexually fulfilling, which makes them find pleasure outside the marital home.

3. If you have no experience, you don’t know if what you are receiving is good enough

Sex is a very beautiful thing, but you might not find it fascinating because your partner is not doing it right. If you have the experience, you can compare and teach your partner how you like it.

4. You compromise your standards if the marriage does not happen on time

There are times when you tell yourself that you will not have sex until marriage, but what happens when you have been waiting, but there is still no marriage proposal? You eventually open your legs for any Tom, Dick and Harry, which defeats the entire purpose of keeping yourself.

What should you do if you are not on the same page with your partner about sex before marriage?

Don’t feel pressurized to give in

Do not feel pressured to engage in sexual activities just because you are scared to lose your partner. There is no guarantee that after sex he will stay in the relationship or the relationship will lead to marriage.

Choose to do it because you want to not because you have to. It only takes a matter of minutes to break virginity, and the first time is often not a great experience because your body is still trying to get used to the foreign object. However, the consequences of sex outweigh the benefits thereof.

When you do decide to engage in sexual activities, make sure you take the necessary precautions to mitigate the risks of STDs and pregnancy.

Also think from your partner’s point of view

If your partner has been sexually active before meeting you, chances are that he will not stop. Even if he can be understanding that you will not do the deed before marriage, know that he will do it with someone else.

It is similar to being forced to go on fasting while you had not planned to, you might eat food behind their back but around them, you act like you have not eaten anything.

Does it matter at what age you have sex or at what stage of the relationship

When it comes to love, there is really no formula, sometimes it is just a stroke of luck. Some have done it on the first date and they are now married, while others have only done it on their 100^th date and have now separated. If you choose to do it, be matured enough to know the implications of your decisions, because there is no turning back.

It really doesn’t matter at what age you lose or lost your virginity. It is similar to entering the workplace, after you have been appointed, it no longer matters what grades you scored in college.

The status of your virginity should not prejudice you in any way in your relationships. If someone judges you for your status, then they are not the right person for you.

Will it make the relationship stronger?

Men are sexual beings by nature, so in most cases, sex has no meaning to them. So no, sex will not make the relationship any stronger, but to a woman it can.

Don’t have unrealistic expectations or think that it will improve the relationship or lead to a serious relationship. Men base their decision to love you or marry you on other factors besides sex.

Conclusion

The world would be a better place if everyone preserved themselves for marriage, however, it is not possible. Instead of focusing only on no sex before marriage, choose to focus on no marriage before you make your own money.