Many relationships take a strain after the birth of a child, which is understandable because parenting is a full-time job. It is easy to neglect your relationship or even resent your partner during this phase. But you can still be able to save your relationship and make it even stronger.

Having kids does not have to make the relationship boring, you just need to find a way to work around your new normal. Relationships are still able to thrive even when there are kids involved. You can still be both parents and lovers.

Read more: 9 reasons why the relationships change after having a baby

1. Don’t try to be a supermom, ask for help

If you try to be a supermom, you will burn out very quickly. Taking care of a baby is a full-time job. If you try to do everything by yourself you will neglect the three important people in your life which are: you, your partner, and your other dependants.

I didn’t have the liberty of staying with my mom when my kids when were born, which meant I had to do everything myself. There were moments when I felt like I was drowning and no longer in control. I think I was even close to suffering from post-natal depression.

Some weekends my mother-in-law would come assist, while some days we would drive 500km to drop off the baby at my mom’s place just so I could have a break for a week.

With my second child, I got a helper when the child was 2 months old, and I felt like a huge weight was lifted off my shoulders. I was less tired which meant that I had time to focus on myself, my husband, and my firstborn. If I didn’t get help, I don’t think I would have been this happy.

2. Communicate with your partner

Don’t just assume that your partner understands what you are going through, talk to him. Tell him when you are not coping. If he seems to be unhappy because he feels neglected, talk to him instead of resenting him for being selfish. Make him understand how your schedule has changed and suggest ways to lessen the burden.

You can ask him to help you with certain tasks if he is willing. Some men are traditional, so they do not believe in helping out with baby things or doing house chores. Also, explore the option of getting a helper so you can be able to focus your time on other tasks.

3. Work as a team

If you are a man reading this, I suggest that you help your woman with certain chores or with the child, and you will see that your woman’s mood will improve. And if she is happy, she will also make you happy. It is not easy for a woman to prioritise her man’s needs if she is fatigued. Ask her how you can make her job easier.

Read more: How to make a woman happy

4. Go out without the kids

Go out with your partner without the kids at least once a month if possible. Find a babysitter for the kids so that you can have some fun without any distractions.

Some weekends we take the kids to their grandparents just so that we can rest properly and also have time to ourselves. Also when we go on holiday we have a holiday for us as a couple and a family holiday with the kids.

5. Date each other again

Having kids has a way of changing people, so it is important to get to know your partner again. Find out what interests them and irritates them now that there are kids involved. Find out about their goals and fears. Continue with those small gestures like calling and texting each other, showing affection, showing appreciation, and professing your love for each other.

6. Don’t wait for nighttime to have fun

If the kids are sleeping during the afternoon, there is nothing that stops you from being naughty. Don’t just wait for bedtime because at night you might be too tired or the kids might not be sleeping. Having sex should not only be for child making, it should be for fun.

7. Try to look good

When you look good you feel good. After having a child it can be very easy to neglect your image because mothering is a full-time job. But once in a while try to squeeze in time to look beautiful and remind your man why he fell in love with you.

If you don’t have the time or money to go to the gym you can jog or even do quick effective exercises which you can find on YouTube. You can also get your hair and nails done, put on some makeup, and wear something nice which makes you feel sexy. When I look good, I feel very confident.

8. Talk about your finances

Having kids increases the financial pressure while your income stream has remained constant. If your household income was R10 000 and your expenses were R9 500, after having a child your expenses might increase to R12 000. So as a couple you will have to discuss how the gap will be bridged. Certain adjustments will have to be made in the budget or you might even need to have a side hustle so that you minimise money problems.

Read more: How to deal with money problems in the relationship

9. Don’t be too serious

Don’t be too serious, take everything as it comes. We were not born being parents or lovers, it is a skill that we all learn along the way. Your parenting journey will not be perfect, you will definitely make mistakes but you ought to cut each other some slack. There will be times when your kids embarrass you but it is not worth losing your cool over.