I used to think that a husband doesn’t have much expectations from his wife, but he does, just as much as a wife has numerous expectations from her husband.
The difference is that women are vocal about it, while men are silent because they are trying to maintain a peaceful marriage. Husbands really love a peaceful environment so they rather ignore the issue than address it.
So if you want to know what a husband expects from you as his wife you are at the right place, I will break it down for you.
Most men think alike, even if they are from different backgrounds. They all want similar things in marriage.
The bible says in Genesis 2:18 “And the LORD God said, it is not good that the man should be alone; I will make him an help meet for him.”
So in short, a wife is created to be a companion and helper to her husband. If you have a companion, it means you don’t have to do everything alone anymore.
Offering someone help means you are making their job and life simpler. So if you are a wife, think to yourself, how can you make life easier for your husband? How can you make his journey not lonely and boring?
Please note that the expectations listed below are expectations husbands have, it does not mean that they are all reasonable expectations.
Table of Contents
- Husband expectations from wife
- What are a wife’s duties to her husband?
- What husbands want to hear from their wives
- How to deal with unspoken expectations in marriage
- FAQ
Husband expectations from wife
1. Respect
One of the greatest expectations a husband desires from his wife is RESPECT. All men want to be respected and this is what many women fail at. That is why the Bible in Ephesians 5:22 says, “Wives, submit yourselves to your own husbands as you do to the Lord.”
So you might be asking yourself, how do men define “respect”?
1. When he is the head of the family
A husband wants to feel like he is the head of the family or the man in that marriage. He does not want to feel like his authority is being undermined or the wife is taking a lead in everything.
Let me show you an example. At some point, I told my husband that my parents think that we should 123. But I did not know that those words were going to offend my husband. I learned that when I offer suggestions, I should make it seem like it is coming from me, but let him have the final say.
So in other words, being the head means that as a wife you accept that you won’t always have things your way but his way. It also means that the marriage should not be run or influenced by third parties including the wife’s parents, friends, pastor, etc.
2. The way you communicate with him
Husbands don’t want to be treated like children. He doesn’t want his wife to shout at him when addressing his flaws; he expects her to talk calmly to him, the same way she would treat her boss at work even when he is wrong.
3. A man does not want to be controlled
A husband does not want to feel like his wife is too controlling or she treats him like his mother.
A man wants to be able to do things his way and in his own time. He still wants to go and be with his friends or use some money without getting permission from his wife.
4. Don’t embarrass him
A man does not want to be embarrassed in public, on social media, or anywhere by his wife. If he says or does something wrong in public, there is no need to correct him or make him feel stupid, rather wait until you’re behind closed doors but still correct him respectfully.
2. Fireworks in the bedroom or anywhere
A husband expects a playmate in the bedroom or even if it is not done in the bedroom. For a man, intimacy is not a want, but a need. He cannot go for so long without it.
It is important for a wife not to withhold it as a form of punishment or use it as a reward. If you are not sick or on your periods (although some still do it on their periods), offer him his bedroom food as often as possible and try out new things together.
Sometimes, make the first move and take control, don’t just always wait on him to initiate.
This is what the bible says about intimacy
It is good for a man not to touch a woman. Nevertheless, because of sexual immorality, let each man have his own wife, and let each woman have her own husband. Let the husband render to his wife the affection due her, and likewise also the wife to her husband. The wife does not have authority over her own body, but the husband does. And likewise, the husband does not have authority over his own body, but the wife does. Do not deprive one another except with consent for a time, that you may give yourselves to fasting and prayer; and come together again so that Satan does not tempt you because of your lack of self-control.
3. A supportive wife
A husband wants a woman who will support him in his plans, ideas, and ambitions. Life will not always work out as planned and might he might not have all the answers, but a man is happy when his wife has his back at all times.
He wants his wife to be his source of strength and not anxiety. When he comes up with a suggestion or idea, his wife should support him, give valuable input and not discourage him.
4. A beautiful woman
A husband expects his woman to always look good. Most women neglect their appearance after marriage and husbands don’t like that.
So a man wants his wife to look her best at all times even if she’s a housewife or a mom. He does not want you to gain weight or lose the weight.
He wants you to wear nice clothes and do your hair and put on some makeup. And some men might expect you wear heels and not flat shoes because heels have a way of complementing the image.
5. Love his family and friends
A husband expects his woman to get along with his friends and family. If you treat them right, he will love you more and treat your family and friends right.
A husband is happy when a woman loves his friends and family, although he might not voice it out. Small gestures like giving his visitors food and drinks when they visit him, means a lot to him.
Also, don’t ever try to come in between them by speaking ill of them. If they are bad people, sooner or later he will see it. Just compromise for his sake, even if there is something that you don’t like about them.
Read more on how to have a happy and lasting relationship
6. Don’t compare him to anyone
A husband does not want to be compared to anyone because he is an individual. His wife should not compare him to her dad or ex, or his siblings, boss, friend’s husband, or other men.
If you compare him to others, he will shut down emotionally and not even strive to be like the people you are comparing him to.
7. Give him some space
A husband expects to be given some space by his wife. He still wants to do certain activities and be around certain people without the presence of his wife.
So if he wants to go to his friends or family or do certain hobbies without you, just be an understanding wife.
8. A good cooked meal
There is a saying that a way to man’s heart is through his stomach. Men love food and they love more the food that has been prepared by their wives.
My husband prefers my cooked meal over takeaways, helper’s food, or other people’s cooking. There is nothing special about my cooking, but he expects a home-cooked meal from me.
9. Don’t force him to do house chores
A man appreciates a clean space even though he can be messy by nature. Roles have shifted, but it is not all men who want to do house chores.
Most men do not like doing house chores i.e. laundry, cleaning up the house, doing dishes, especially if their woman is forcing them to do it. They enjoy these tasks if they do them voluntarily.
If you are overwhelmed by the chores and your husband does not seem eager to help you, then it is time to outsource. Sit him down and explain to him why it is best to hire a help.
10. A wife who is not argumentative
A man loves to be in a peaceful space, he does not like a woman who is quarrelsome. When he has such a wife, he even dreads going back home.
Even the bible in Proverbs 21:9 says, “Better to live on a corner of the roof than share a house with a quarrelsome wife.”
Here are other quarrelsome wife bible verses:
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” Proverbs 21:19
“A quarrelsome wife is like the dripping of a leaky roof in a rainstorm” Proverbs 27:15
11. A wife who is not nagging
Husbands don’t like to be nagged. For example, if you ask a man to replace the fused lightbulbs more than twice but he still does not do it, if you remind him again he regards it as nagging.
In other words, husbands don’t want to be reminded. They will do what needs to be done when they feel like doing it and not when their wives say they should do it.
Check out this nagging wife bible verse
“Better to live in a desert than with a quarrelsome and nagging wife” Proverbs 21:19
The bible even says it is better to live in a desert than with a nagging wife. This just shows how much a husband wants to live in a peaceful home.
12. Don’t emasculate him
A man is happy when he can provide for his family. When he is not in a position to do so due to circumstances, it can be frustrating.
It is important to have a woman who will not elevate the pressure by being disrespectful, constantly nagging, and making him feel like less of a man. Read these 10 things women unknowingly do to emasculate men.
Read more on how to make a relationship work when a woman makes more money
13. Loyalty
Loyalty in a relationship means faithfulness. A husband expects his wife to be faithful and not do anything to betray his trust. He does not expect his wife to cheat on him.
Just like the virtuous woman in the bible in Proverbs 31:11 says, “The heart of her husband safely trusts her”
He wants to feel like his wife can be trusted. And wants a wife who will always stick with him regardless of the circumstances he comes across.
14. A good mother to his kids
Being a good mother is also one of the husband’s expectations from a wife. As much as women have become independent, a husband still expects his wife to be involved in raising and taking care of the kids and instilling values.
A husband also expects a wife to give him children so that they can be able to carry his name into the future.
If he’s already coming in with kids into the marriage, he expects his wife to love his kids also.
15. Responsible partner
A husband expects his wife to be responsible. He doesn’t want a wife who is an alcoholic, drug addict, gambling addict, fraudster, can’t manage finances, irresponsible mom, etc. He prefers a wife who is responsible in all aspects.
16. A partner who is caring
The husband expects a wife to be caring towards his well-being, emotions, and his family.
If he is sick, he expects to be shown TLC. If he needs financial, psychological, physical, or any form of assistance, he expects his wife to come through for him.
And he does not expect to leave the house with unwashed or wrinkled clothes and an empty stomach if he has a caring wife.
17. To be given attention
A man expects his wife to give him attention and also to pay attention to him. He wants to be able to talk and do things with his wife freely at any time.
He expects her to be physically and emotionally available for him. When there is a happy matter or a sad matter to share, he knows that he has his go-to person who will give him undivided attention.
18. Honesty
A husband expects honesty from his wife. He wants his wife to be transparent to him and not lie to him, even about the credit card purchases.
Also if the woman came with the child into the marriage, he expects total honesty regarding any interactions with the baby daddy.
19. Compliments and gratitude
Husbands also want to be complimented by their wives. If he’s looking great, or has done something great, or has achieved something or he’s met or exceeded your expectations, let him know.
You don’t want him to be receiving compliments from other women while he hears none from you.
He also expects to be appreciated for his hard work, when he has done well or has done something for his wife.
20. An understanding wife
Having an understanding wife is also one of the husband’s expectations. Sometimes a man is faced with tough choices and needs a spouse who will be understanding for the marriage to work.
Imagine if he has to work overtime or temporarily work in a different location but he has a wife who is not willing to understand his predicament?
21. Forgiveness
Forgiveness is important in any marriage because we are all bound to err. At some point, he’s bound to make his wife angry and he expects forgiveness.
22. A mate
A husband expects his wife to be his mate. He expects her to be his buddy, his friend. This means that he can say and do fun and wild things with his wife. And even if he teases her or makes a joke, she won’t easily take offense.
He also expects her to be a mate as in his sexual partner.
What are a wife’s duties to her husband?
- A lover
- A helper
- A mate
- A fan to cheer him on
- A friend
- A cook
What husbands want to hear from their wives
Here are some great words that your husband expects to hear from you as a wife:
- “You’re so intelligent/ you’re so wise” – You can say this after he’s given you great advice, figured something out or achieved something or said some wise words.
- “I’m glad I married you” – Just to thank him for being a good husband, father and son in law.
- “Thank you” – If he fixed your car, paid your expense, helped around the house or bought you something.
- “I’m sorry” – If you’ve said or done something wrong. Or even if you didn’t do anything wrong but he thinks your actions were wrong.
- “You’re such a great father” – If he is good with the kids.
- “I love being your wife” – To appreciate him for being a good husband.
- “I love this look/ you’re handsome” – If he’s made effort to look good or change his image.
- “I’m impressed with how you handled that situation.”
- “I support your decision”
- “I appreciate all you do for us”
How to deal with unspoken expectations in marriage
Men are not vocal with their expectations and neither are they vocal with their feelings. So even if they are not fine with something, they choose not to speak up for the sake of peace.
But one day when you’re having an argument or you’re voicing out your concerns, that is when he might decide to tell you some of the things he’s unhappy about. All along, you thought he was happy, only to be shocked when he reveals how much of a bad wife you are.
So if your husband is the type of man who does not communicate his feelings, you might have to create an environment that is conducive for talking.
Ask him what he likes about you and areas that he wants you to improve on. Also note that some of the things he’ll say you won’t be prepared for them and it might hurt you or make you defensive, but please don’t take offence.
Then start to work on meeting some of his expectations.
FAQ
What is reasonable to expect from a wife?
1. Respect
It is reasonable to expect respect if you are showing her love and treating her with respect.
2. Faithfulness
It is reasonable to expect your wife not to cheat because not all women cheat
3. A loving and supportive wife
A wife should support and show you love, and even love your family (provided you also protect her).
4. Intimacy
It is reasonable to expect intimacy from a wife. However, also understand there might be times when she is too tired and might not be able to meet your appetite.
5. A mother
Please note that this aspect is also God willing. A woman might want to be a mom, but encounter complications.
It also depends on your agreement before marriage. If she’s said she doesn’t want kids but you expect her to give you kids that is unreasonable.
6. A responsible wife
A wife who is self-controlled and not an addict of anything.
What a husband expects from her wife?
Husbands expect submission from their wives. They also expect intimacy, a caring wife who does not neglect her appearance, and an independent woman.
What do husbands want most from their wives?
Husbands want mostly respect and intimacy from their wives.
