Who has to pay for dates when he can barely afford to maintain himself? Who pays for the engagement or wedding ring if he can’t afford a diamond ring but she can afford it with just 1 month’s salary? Or who bears the lobola (bridal price) and wedding costs? Should she stay emkhukhwini ekasi (in a shack) while she can easily afford to stay in Sandton?

Society’s expectations vs reality are completely different. The reality is that things are no longer black and white anymore and people are scared to publicly oppose society’s expectations. It is a sensitive matter and many women are scared to tell their families and friends that they are paying for their own lobola or wedding, or they are the ones running the entire household. The men also feel embarrassed to tell society that they cannot provide, they are relying on their women.

When I posed these questions on various platforms many people say that it is fine for a woman to buy her own ring or stay at her dream home but one thing that she cannot do is pay for her own lobola or bridal price.

1. A Woman should still respect her man

Even if your man does not have much money, he still deserves to be respected. Make him feel like a man by showing him respect and not undermining his authority based on the size of his pockets.

Read more tips on how men want to be respected.

1. Discuss your expectations

Money topic is not a nice topic, but it has to be discussed. You have to discuss how tasks and expenses should be split so that both parties contribute according to what they can afford.

Read more on how to deal with financial problems in your relationship

2. Make decisions together

Don’t take major financial decisions without consulting your partner even if you can easily afford. Involve him in your plans because a relationship is a partnership. If there is a house that you like, or a certain holiday destination that you would want to try out, put it on the table before going ahead with the transaction.

3. Be discreet and be careful who you take advice from

There is no need to discuss the relationship set up with your friends or family because they will disrespect your man and this can cause problems in the relationship. Also, the last thing you want to do is take advice from someone who is narrow-minded or has never been in your shoes. If you implement everything that people say, you might chase away someone who is a good fit for you.

Read more: Why discussing your relationship issues with your friends and family can destroy the relationship.

4. Reason with him

For someone who earns less, a holiday might feel like a waste of money while to you holidays are a necessity. He might not understand the idea the first time when you bring it up, but that doesn’t mean that you must give up on what is important to you. Any person can be persuaded, you just have to master the skill.

5. A man should still hustle

A man has to make a plan, he shouldn’t be too comfortable and accept his fate that he cannot provide for his loved ones. If he is not earning enough because he is underqualified then he should upgrade his qualifications. If he has the qualification but he is still unemployed or underpaid, then he should sell goods or services, there is no need to rely only on income from employment.

Does money play a role in the success of a relationship?

Definitely, but along with many other factors. Chances are the salary gap might cause a conflict in a relationship, but such a conflict can be easily managed; it does not have to break the relationship. A man can make more money, but it does not warrant a successful relationship.

Final thoughts

In short, it all boils down to proper communication. Without communication, the man might feel undermined by his partner because he does not have resources. A woman might feel like she can’t live her ideal life because she does not want to offend her partner, or she can feel like she is being taken for granted because she does everything for him.

Times have changed, women are being empowered. If both parties are not willing to shift their mindset and adapt to the new normal, then the relationship will not survive.