How to deal with a breakup

Breakups are hard and painful even to those that consider themselves tough. Breakups create a void in your schedule because you no longer have that person to talk to or that person that regularly checks up on you. It also means being lonely because you have to spend your nights or weekends without them.

The process of moving on is not an easy one, but it is an integral part of life. Many people have grown to be wiser as a result of breakups.

1. Make a decision to move on

Love is such a precious gift, but it cannot be forced. If someone chooses to walk away from your life, there is only so much you can do. After a breakup, you need to make it clear to your heart that the RELATIONSHIP IS OVER and you will do everything it takes to move on.

List the reasons why you are moving on and keep a note of them when you feel like relapsing. Each day you will need to commit to your decision to move on because it won’t be easy.

Read 6 things to consider when deciding to stay in a relationship or move on

2. Break all form of contact

There will be plenty of days where you wish you can text, call, or meet with them. If there is really nothing that attaches you to them you will have to stop all forms of communication with them. Do not send them any texts, whether good or bad, just disappear from their radar.

Please do not harass them because they will hate you even more. If your ex keeps on bothering you, tell them politely not to contact you, but if they continue, it is best to block them.   

Being in contact with a person that you are trying to let go of creates false hope that the relationship can still work. Avoid being friends with them until you have healed and have zero expectations of a relationship.

3. Delete all memories of them

You have to delete all the images you have of them, all their messages, and let go of certain items if you are serious about moving on. This act seems harsh but you can’t move on if you hold on to the past. This is a perfect opportunity to clear the clutter so that you can have space to create new memories.

However don’t delete if you still have hope that the relationship can be salvaged.

4. Delete their contacts

You will have to delete their contacts from your phonebook, and also delete them from your social media accounts. If you memorised their contacts you can think deleting is useless, but the brain will eventually forget if you don’t dial or see the number.

I can also attest to this because I have forgotten phone numbers that I thought I would never forget and I achieved this because I have not called them in a very long time.

5. Stop fantasizing about the future

What makes breakups difficult is the memory of what could have been, which is mainly based on the lies created by the brain.  The brain creates an image of a happy family or couple goals, whilst during the life of the relationship the good days were countable. Accept that this person is your ex for a reason.

6. Commit to yourself

When you are in a relationship it can be easy to lose focus. Women especially, let go of the things and people that mattered to them. But breakups are a great way to find yourself again. Use this time to self-reflect, commit to a hobby, upgrade your studies, write a book or a song, etc.

This is the time invest in yourself and do all the things you have always wanted to do. You can also reinvent your image and rekindle those relationships with friends and family that you had neglected.

Work on becoming that great person that you will be proud of, your kids will be proud to have as a mom or dad or the nation will be proud of.

7. Know that there is still someone out there for you

The saying that there is plenty of fish in the sea is true, but it definitely won’t be the same fish as the one you caught the last time. Also, note that in life there is not only one person for you.

When you feel ready to get back into the dating game, have a fresh perspective. Don’t go looking for someone who has the same qualities as your ex because you are not dating your ex.

Don’t compare your new partner to your ex or even benchmark them. There is no person who is perfect.

8. Forgive your partner

Learn to know that people are in your life for a season and reason. Don’t curse them just because they are no longer with you. Love them enough to release them. Don’t hold on to any hurt or bitterness. Although you can feel like they have wasted your time and money, be willing to forgive.  

9. Know that everything happens for a reason

When dealing with a breakup you won’t have so many unanswered questions. You won’t see the bigger picture or see what lesson to take from it. But as time goes on you will look back and be glad that the relationship did not work out. Focus on being the best that you can be, and the rest will take care of itself.