Sometimes you can be in love with someone who is still in love with someone else. Don’t ignore these 5 alarming signs he’s not over his ex. 

It will save you from an imminent heartbreak or from being with a guy who is emotionally unavailable.

Breakups are hard on everyone, whether male or female. Healing from a breakup and moving on is not an overnight process.

And sometimes he regrets dumping his ex because he knows he messed up.

It is possible that your partner is still too attached to his past relationship because maybe he wanted to marry her, but she left him. So to expect such a guy to move on too fast, can be unrealistic. 

But please make sure that he is not lying about his breakup because some men are great liars. They can lie to you about the breakup just to sleep with you. His ex may not even be aware they broke up. 

So obviously when she calls or texts him, he will tell you that she is too obsessed and not over the breakup.

Table of Contents

• 5 Alarming signs he’s not over his ex
• 5 subtle signs he’s not over his ex
• Signs he’s cheating with his ex
• What do you do when he’s not over his ex
• How long does it take a guy to get over his ex
• Signs he is over his ex
• FAQ

5 Alarming signs he’s not over his ex

1. He’s kept a lot of things that remind him of her

If you still find images of his ex on his phone, laptop, or tablet, it is a clear warning sign he’s not over his ex. 

He still has her beautiful texts and voice notes. And maybe he still has a printed album that has pictures of his ex. Or he uses a keychain that has her picture or engraved with a love message.

So what would be the purpose of keeping these great memories if he has moved on? Because moving on means that you allow yourself to create new memories, and let go of the old ones. 

And when you ask him why he has kept the images and texts of his ex, he might tell you that he did not notice he still had them. 

Or he says he forgot to delete and he will do it when he gets the chance. But weeks later, he still has not removed them.

Or he just becomes mad that you went through his personal things, as a way to divert attention.

So if your new guy still has his ex’s pictures, voice notes, and texts months after being in his life, know that he is hoping that one day they will get back together. So he feels it is better if those memories are preserved. 

2. He talks about her often

When a guy talks about his ex to you, it is a sign he has not moved on.

He might talk about her bad habits, the things she did to him, or the great things he did for her. 

And when he sees her dating someone else, he will show signs of jealousy.

He also likes to make comparisons. He will tell you that you cook better than her, or you are better than her in bed or you know how to take care of a man unlike her. 

If a man makes comparisons, it is a clear sign he is not over his ex. If he was over her, he would compliment you without mentioning her.

Or if you behave in a certain way, he might just say that you are becoming like his ex.

Or if you happen to go to a certain restaurant, he might just say it reminds him of the time when he was with her. 

3. He’s been calling and meeting up with her

You have seen phone records that he contacted his ex several times. 

Or you might have seen text messages of him asking to meet up with her. And depending on how she feels about him, she might have agreed to meet up with him or declined his request if she is over him.

Or maybe she is the one who asked to see him and he’s already met with her behind your back.

If these things are happening in your relationship, it is 1 of the 5 alarming signs he’s not over his ex.

4. He is obsessed with checking her up on social media

If you have noticed that he is always going through her social media profile and checking her pictures and posts, it is an alarming sign he’s not over her. 

If he was over her, he would not spy on her often.

5. He tries to change you

You have noticed that he has been trying to change your image. Maybe he expects you to dress up in a certain way, do certain hairstyles like wearing weaves, and do your nails a certain way. And when you check the picture of his ex, you see that she has the kind of look that your ex is trying to turn you into.

Or he wants you to have the kind of qualification that his ex had. Or he wants you to learn how to prepare dishes like her.

If you feel like you need to match up to the level of his ex or you need to appear better than her, it is a sign he’s not over her.

This might also be his way of making his ex jealous, so she thinks he is with someone who is better than her. 

5 subtle signs he’s not over his ex

1. He still asks her friends about her
2. He is still in close contact with her family and friends
3. He behaves strangely when he bumps into her
4. He is still angry over the breakup
5. He doesn’t want his ex to know he is dating someone

Signs he’s cheating with his ex

A man may not be over his ex, but it does not mean that he is cheating with her. 

It can be easy to see signs of a cheating boyfriend, but knowing if he is cheating with his ex can be tricky, especially if they share a child together.

1. You’ve seen text messages implying that there were together

If you have seen text messages or direct messages on social media suggesting that they met while he was already in a relationship with you, it is one of the signs he’s cheating with his ex.

2. He has a recent image of her or of the two of them together

If he has a recent image of him with his ex, or his ex posts a recent image of your man, it is a sign he’s cheating with his ex.

3. He does not answer some of your calls at certain times

If on certain days or certain nights he does not answer your calls, it can be a sign he is cheating. But the onus is on you to prove that he is cheating with his ex. 

4. On certain days he does not want you to visit him

If a man does not want any unscheduled visits or surprise visits, it is a sign you are not the only woman in his life. He does not want you to come at the wrong time and find him with his ex or another woman.

5. He does not answer certain calls or texts when with you

If his phone rings when he is with you but he does not pick it up and says I don’t know what “Jimmy” wants at this time, it can be a sign of cheating. But when you check Jimmy’s number, you realize that it belongs to his ex, he just disguised it in a guy’s name. 

6. He meets up with her often

If the tracker shows that he is always near his ex’s location, it is a sign he might be meeting up with her. 

7. Your instincts

If your instincts are telling you that he might be cheating with his ex, it is a sign he’s cheating with his ex. Your gut feel may be warning you that something is up or something is about to happen.

8. He tells you that they are just friends

If he tells you that he is just friends with his ex, but when he meets up with her he does not inform you prior, it can be a sign he’s cheating with her.

9. His lies don’t add up

If he tells you that he was with his family or his friend but he forgets the lie he told you or his friends deny being with him, it is a sign he’s cheating.

10. He does not want you to touch his phone

If he does not want you to touch his phone, or he sleeps with his phone in his pocket, it can be a sign he’s cheating.

But you just want to be careful because maybe you might just be his rebound girlfriend and he does not know how to softly breakup with you.

Read more: 18 Signs your boyfriend is cheating on you

What do you do when he’s not over his ex

You sometimes need to understand that moving on is not easy, especially if he is not the one who initiated the breakup. 

So please do not be too hard on him but also look out for your interests.

1. Tell him how you feel

You should talk to him and tell him what you have noticed and how it makes you feel. 

Ask him if he can remove the images of his ex, her texts and also stop seeing her. 

Or tell him that you do not like it when he compares you to his ex or constantly mentions her.

2. Give him space

And if after a few weeks nothing has changed, ask if you should give him some space while he works on himself. 

3. Decide to move on or to support him

If after giving him space he shows you evidence that he is working on moving on, you can continue with the relationship. 

But if you see signs that he does not really love you, your presence or absence does not make a difference to him, then you should move on before you become too emotionally attached.

How long does it take a guy to get over his ex

It depends, it can take months or even years.

I used to be friends with a guy and I thought he was still dating the same woman he was with for the past 5 years. And every time we met I kept asking about her because I thought they were still together.

So one day he decided to open up to me. With tears in his eyes, he told me that it has been two years since she broke up with him. It was so heartbreaking to see him crying for her, two years after the breakup.

Read more: 13 signs a guy is hurt by the breakup

He eventually moved to someone else and they got married. But his ex (whom I also talk to) claims that although he’s married, he still contacted her. 

So this just shows you that for some guys, it can take a very long time to get over his ex.

According to an article in parade, which makes reference to the words of a relationship expert Lauren Peacock, she say, “it usually takes around 6 months for every year you are with someone.” 

So this is what it means:

Dated 1 year: 6 months to get over his ex

Dated 2 years: 12 months to get over his ex

Dated 5 years: over two years to get over his ex. 

Also according to a study done by Binghamton University, they say although breakups hit women the hardest emotionally and physically, women tend to recover more fully and come out emotionally stronger. Men, on the other hand, never fully recover -they simply move on.

Signs he is over his ex

1. He does not mention her name to you whether in any positive or negative way

He does not talk about his ex at all whether good or bad things about her. You won’t even know the reasons they broke up or what kind of person his ex was because he never mentions her. 

But if you ask him questions, he does not mind answering you.

2. He does not compare you to her

He never does any comparisons. He never makes you feel like you are better than her or you are worse than her. 

3. He is not disgruntled about her relationship status

When he hears that his ex is in a relationship, having a baby, or getting married, his mood does not get affected. He does not show any signs of jealousy.

4. He has introduced you to his friends and family

If he has already introduced you to his friends and family it is a sign he is over his ex.

5. He talks of the future with you

If he talks of the future with you and shows you signs that he is physically and emotionally vested in your relationship, it is signs he is over his ex. 

6. He’s removed memories of her

If he has deleted all her images, texts and everything that serves as a reminder of his ex, it is a sign he’s over his ex.

7. He hardly spies on her on social media

If he is not obsessed with finding out what is happening in her life, it is signs he’s over her.

Read more: 9 sure signs your ex will never come back

FAQ

How do you know if he still loves his ex

If a guy still loves his ex, he will secretly call, text, or meet up with her. He will also bring up her name a lot in your conversations. 

He might even refuse to let go of certain gifts that she gave him. Plus he will not be fully committed to your relationship.

How to tell if a guy is over his ex?

When a guy is over his ex, you will not see his ex as a threat to your relationship because he will give you comfort that he is over her. He will not mention her, contact her or even spy on her on social media. And even if he can bump into her, he does not behave strangely. 

Another sign is that he is not angry over the breakup.